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School toilets

548 replies

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 12:05

School toilets!
Son text me to say he had walked out of lesson after being refused permission to go to the toilet, he had finished all his work. I have always told him to do this if he is desperate but he never actually has before.
He has been put in isolation.
I'm angry as I really believe that students should be allowed to go when they need to and he had completed all tasks so was just say in the classroom anyway.
What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · Yesterday 13:31

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:29

The school had stopped this policy after the backlash so they aren't locked anymore. I was just explaining how I had come to have the conversation about leaving the room of you are desperate with my son originally

Tbh your comments aren't overly coherent.

If you knew this was a potential issue, signed him up for this school, told him to defy the rules then you need to also be on board with the punishment.

AlmostAJillSandwich · Yesterday 13:31

I think its a basic human right to be able to use the toilet when you need to. Only the person that needs the toilet, knows how urgently they need to go, so how could anyone else judge if they deserve "permission" or have to wait?

My high school had 8 classes of roughly 30 per year group, and only one set of toilets. Those toilets were locked, and only unlocked at breaktime, and lunch. But the teachers would stop in and have their break first, so despite a 15 minute break, the toilets were only open for the last 7 or so, and they would be shouting trying to rush everyone to get locked back up and back to their room before the bell went, it was chaos. Several of the cubicles were out of order on any given day, meaning only about 6 were useable, and one solitary toilet roll was passed round the room. Same at lunch, only unlocked for the last 10n minutes but you weren't even allowed out of the canteen or into the building (auto lock doors) til 5 minutes to end.
If you needed the loo during lesson, if you managed to get permission, you had to go to the office, find out which teacher had the key that day. Then trek to their room, interrupt their lesson to get the key, go to the toilets, lock up, back to drop key then back to your own class. Probably get strays who were wagging class wander in you couldn't get rid of too. You'd lose at least 15 minutes doing all that, but apparently it had to be that way as pupils would trash them during lessons if they were open.
I have no doubt the cubicles not in use were deliberate damage, ripped off seats and doors. But to punish everyone by them being locked and not accessible between classes at all wasn't okay either. I don't know what the solution should have been, but what it was, gave me severe anxiety, that i felt desperate for a wee in the run up to break and could barely pass anything. I've had a lifelong fear of lack of access to a toilet since.

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:31

BudgetBuster · Yesterday 13:27

But how if the doors are locked...
And if you don't agree with the school rules, why did you send him there?

When it was in the local newsy.son was due to star the following September, the school responded by saying the doors would no longer be locked but teachers could refuse permission. I told him if he's desperate, go

OP posts:
Samysungy · Yesterday 13:33

AlmostAJillSandwich · Yesterday 13:31

I think its a basic human right to be able to use the toilet when you need to. Only the person that needs the toilet, knows how urgently they need to go, so how could anyone else judge if they deserve "permission" or have to wait?

My high school had 8 classes of roughly 30 per year group, and only one set of toilets. Those toilets were locked, and only unlocked at breaktime, and lunch. But the teachers would stop in and have their break first, so despite a 15 minute break, the toilets were only open for the last 7 or so, and they would be shouting trying to rush everyone to get locked back up and back to their room before the bell went, it was chaos. Several of the cubicles were out of order on any given day, meaning only about 6 were useable, and one solitary toilet roll was passed round the room. Same at lunch, only unlocked for the last 10n minutes but you weren't even allowed out of the canteen or into the building (auto lock doors) til 5 minutes to end.
If you needed the loo during lesson, if you managed to get permission, you had to go to the office, find out which teacher had the key that day. Then trek to their room, interrupt their lesson to get the key, go to the toilets, lock up, back to drop key then back to your own class. Probably get strays who were wagging class wander in you couldn't get rid of too. You'd lose at least 15 minutes doing all that, but apparently it had to be that way as pupils would trash them during lessons if they were open.
I have no doubt the cubicles not in use were deliberate damage, ripped off seats and doors. But to punish everyone by them being locked and not accessible between classes at all wasn't okay either. I don't know what the solution should have been, but what it was, gave me severe anxiety, that i felt desperate for a wee in the run up to break and could barely pass anything. I've had a lifelong fear of lack of access to a toilet since.

Teachers stopping and having a break first! ha ha ha!

How that made me laugh!

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:33

BudgetBuster · Yesterday 13:31

Tbh your comments aren't overly coherent.

If you knew this was a potential issue, signed him up for this school, told him to defy the rules then you need to also be on board with the punishment.

I was asked why I'd had the conversation with him in the first place. So I explained.
All schools have this policy, I don't agree with it but of course I'm going to send him to school!

OP posts:
Gertrudetheadelie · Yesterday 13:34

@looselegs thank you for giving this perspective. I remember our cleaning staff really upset by having to deal with smeared period blood and poo in bins etc.
These rules really aren't about teachers on a power trip or unused to the real world - it is an attempt to mitigate problems for other people and to keep children safe. It's not a perfect attempt but it really is hard to get right for schools.

Gloriia · Yesterday 13:36

I used to find many school's rules ridiculous but I agree with this. If every kid went to the toilet during a lesson it would be chaos.

He needs to manage his toileting and go in breaktimes.

Blisteringlycold · Yesterday 13:36

Wednesday505 · Yesterday 13:14

Weird response

Weird that the whole world panders to kids now. We were never allowed to use the loos in lesson time. Use them in the 5 minute recess.

Honestly the problems in schools are mainly in the bloody toilets.

The hand wringing brigade drive me insane

Miffyontour · Yesterday 13:38

DaisyDooley · Yesterday 13:28

’Male humans’ who are at secondary school, unless they have any disability, are quite capable of using the loo before and after lessons and lasting an hour.
Female humans who have periods have menstruation made harder by lads dicking about.
I don’t know where you went to school but every school I have ever been in had a much higher proportion of the male humans Messing about than the females.
Nowhere have I said they are evil -that’s you who said that.
HTH.

Unfortunately the chances to go to the loo before lesson can be limited, trying to funnel 100s of kids through a few loos just ends up with queues. DD's school brought in lots of draconian measures, locked toilets amongst other things and DD was given detentions for eating her sandwiches in the loo queue more than once, but the lunchbreak was too short for both. People have no idea about the reality in some schools. DS's school had hall monitors and a whole different and better ethos.

Blisteringlycold · Yesterday 13:38

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:33

I was asked why I'd had the conversation with him in the first place. So I explained.
All schools have this policy, I don't agree with it but of course I'm going to send him to school!

You don't agree with it. Oh OK, you do you love.

FFS.

BloodySoddingFlies · Yesterday 13:38

I work for a large company in a corporate client facing role involving multiple weekly internal and external meetings. I also attend regular training workshops. I would say it is more unusual for someone NOT to need to excuse themselves for a quick trip to the bathroom and would never be seen as an issue

I agree. It's commonplace and unremarkable.

Growlybear83 · Yesterday 13:41

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 12:17

It was first lesson of the day, he leaves home at 7.20 to get to school, this was around 9.50

Why didn’t house the toilet when he arrived at school? Unless your son has a medical condition, he shouldn’t get himself into a position where he is so desperate for the toilet after a one hour lesson that he has to walk out withiut permission.

Miffyontour · Yesterday 13:42

Blisteringlycold · Yesterday 13:36

Weird that the whole world panders to kids now. We were never allowed to use the loos in lesson time. Use them in the 5 minute recess.

Honestly the problems in schools are mainly in the bloody toilets.

The hand wringing brigade drive me insane

I'm in my 50s and whilst at school we were expected to go at break, but it was never refused in lesson time (except maybe if there was only 5 mins to the end of lesson).

Sunshineclouds11 · Yesterday 13:42

Growlybear83 · Yesterday 13:41

Why didn’t house the toilet when he arrived at school? Unless your son has a medical condition, he shouldn’t get himself into a position where he is so desperate for the toilet after a one hour lesson that he has to walk out withiut permission.

Have you honestly never in your life been desperate for the toilet all of a sudden?

if the op came on and said her son wet himself in class as he was refused to go everyone would be going mad at the school

user1476613140 · Yesterday 13:46

Zebrah · Yesterday 12:49

Jeezo what an appalling attitude as a parent. Schools really need the ability to just kick kids out when they (or their parents) refuse to adhere to school rules. Rules are there to ensure teachers can teach and kid can learn without disruption. Your kid isn’t special. They can follow the rules too.

95% of the time on these AIBU when a parent is annoyed by the school the school has done absolutely nothing wrong. OP’s son should have used the loo when he got to school. He didn’t. He’s got detention for insolence of walking out, quite rightly. He needs to have boundaries and to know they are going to ge consistently applied.

I would love my 10yo to be like others his age. I fear he will always be "that boy who wet himself in primary school". Always having to get a change of clothing. His school bag always needs a check for wet clothing. The Tab Time watch sometimes works but if there's a disruption to the school day often that's a trigger, like being outdoors miles from the toilets.

YourPoliteTurtle · Yesterday 13:46

Stomach bug or desperately urgent need?
I'll be having a strong argument with the school right now, based on exceptional circumtances.

Needing the toilets the entire lesson because he chose not to go at break time? So presumably much less than 1 hour ago, if he was "needing to go for most of the class"? no sympathy I am afraid. Exactly why the rules are there. And why breaks exist as well.

Gertrudetheadelie · Yesterday 13:49

@user1476613140 we used to have toilet passes available for cases like this so that a pupil could just subtly flash it and we'd know to give permission. We also had emails to remind staff who had a pass in case the child lost it.

quackers7 · Yesterday 13:49

Lots of people on here with clearly no understanding or empathy when it comes to bowel
and bladder issues. Not even talking about schools here, the general ‘adults can wait’ attitude smacks of ignorance and lack of experience. Not every adult can wait. Lots of adults have bowel and bladder issues that create urgency and pain. I got to the point where I was unable to leave the house for a time due to a health issue and genuine fear of being caught short (the anxiety of this only made the physical symptoms worse). Maybe it’s due to this, but it’s made me feel very strongly that nobody should be denied access to a toilet if they really need one. It’s horrible.

But whatever your view on allowing kids to go to the toilet in class, can we please try not to be so blase and ignorant of other people’s needs.

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:49

looselegs · Yesterday 13:30

My husband worked at a secondary school as a caretaker. During lessons was prime time for toilets to get vandalised. Kids would prime each other to leave lessons at a certain time, supposedly to go to the toilet...but they would meet up and literally wreck the toilets- boys and girls!
There weren't any teachers around because they were teaching.....
The damage was incredible...not just grafitti on the wall...
Smashed sinks and toilet pans, flooding- which caused nearby classrooms to have to close..holes in doors....not to mention them smoking in there...
It's the kids who are to blame for toilets being shut, not teachers...

No all of the kids though

OP posts:
pragmatismuniversalsentimentalist · Yesterday 13:50

RollOnSunshine · Yesterday 12:37

So use the toilet on arrival at school. Jesus wept use a bit of common sense.

Sometimes toilets are not unlocked then. I dont think you quite understand what many secondary schools are like now - toilets are often not unlocked at the start of the day. Then its form time - not allowed to go then as you should have gone before leaving home. Then you are not allowed to go to the toilet between form time and first lesson, and not allowed to go between first and second lesson either. The first opportunity is at break, which last for 20 mins. And at my sons school begins at 11am. He leaves the house at 8, so yes there is a full 3 hour period every day in which he isnt permitted to use the toilet. You can imagine too just how many of the 1000+ student population are pretty desperate to go at break too - often my sons whole break is spent trying up to 4 sets of loos to try and find one with a smaller queue in the hope of managing to. Its inhumane.

Please enlighten me as to which offices etc dont allow their staff to go to the loo for a full 3 hours.

Bilbobagginsbollox · Yesterday 13:51

Glad I live in a country where my children are allowed to go to the toilet.

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 13:52

Growlybear83 · Yesterday 13:41

Why didn’t house the toilet when he arrived at school? Unless your son has a medical condition, he shouldn’t get himself into a position where he is so desperate for the toilet after a one hour lesson that he has to walk out withiut permission.

His bus was slightly late and he didn't not desperately need it when he arrived to school,.I assume he didn't want to be late for lesson so tried to make it through

OP posts:
Crazybigtoe · Yesterday 13:53

Sweetheart1990 · Yesterday 12:17

But he had finished his work, what would he be 'getting out of"

Some go to vape, hang out with others etc and yes, even when the toilets are monitored.

It's one of the reasons access to toilets are restricted.

I think kids should be able to go to the loo if needed. You could go in and battle on his behalf, or tell him to suck it up and take the detention and go before school.

I have every sympathy for those with medical conditions and girls on their period - and in this case would say something to the school.

PrincessHoneysuckle · Yesterday 13:53

This is a no go in schools because what if everyone suddenly had to go? The class would be disrupted constantly.You child should be treated the same as the others.

PrincessHoneysuckle · Yesterday 13:53

Just to add at the school I work in if its medical then they are issued a toilet pass.