Moving to the country - 18 year old about to start uni - would you ?

[Readysteadife]

We live in a city , bus stop right outside all the usual city stuff !
we have put an offer in on a house about 40 mins away, lovely house in small village a- no shop, bus or pub. Nearest town is 7 miles away .
Our daughter is off to uni in September and we thought this would be a good time for us to move to the country as this has always been my husband and my dream.

any experience of this ? Is this sensible now my daughter is off to uni ?

@Readysteadife I have experience not of my family moving to the country but of growing up in a small village, with my school in a small town. I was not a fan - tho I was easily able to find factory work in the uni holidays (had to cycle 6-7 miles to get there as also didn’t drive till later) but not massively dissimilar from your situation. I had always lived there tho so far flungness of school friends was no more an issue when I was 18+ than when I was 11+.

She does want to learn to drive, but has told me she wants to learn after uni - her choice.

i do understand. It might be hard for her - but my husband and I struggling with when would be the right time ? She would be at home for years after uni or maybe not. My husband is a little older than me and is also concerned the longer we leave it the harder it will be for us to get a mortgage.

Well no, DD can learn to drive over the summer. Seems like the obvious solution and gives her independence

Time to live your life and she will be fine. Be open to taking her places when she needs to go and honestly I would push the learning to drive as it makes a huge difference. It might be her choice now but this will change when the reality hits. We live rurally and having dc drive makes a huge difference. Also not all dc come back after uni ds25 went and got a job 5 hours away and after first year spent holidays here, at uni house or with gf. If you love the house and want a move do not give up on it.

What I would say is that even though they go to uni, IME they're hardly there and they come home quite a lot. So you will need to give lifts or pay for cabs or she will need to learn to drive. But that's all doable, you just need to plan for it.

I say go for it, it's your dream but realise that it will affect her and you when she comes home and also, if she comes home at the end of uni you'll need a plan for that.

I was also surprised by these answers. My parents moved several times when I was growing up. Never occurred to me they should consider me beyond making sure I had a room to come back to, and a welcome. I would say definitely move if that’s what you want. She’s starting her move away from home now, and empty nest syndrome is hard enough as it is. You’re going no distance at all!

Sorry if I have missed this but have you lived rurally before? You seem hell bent on a life that is in your imagination rather than reality. I suggest you try it first. And yes, I have lived in a capital city and in the middle of nowhere.

If you move to somewhere with no viable public transport I think you owe it to her to pay for her to learn to drive ASAP and help her buy and run a car.

Yes I wanted to ask this too @Readysteadife

I agree in general btw that you for sure are allowed to live the life you want. I don’t think PPs are saying otherwise. But be prepared for DD not coming to your home that often.

Not all uni students come home. Ds2 has not been home for longer than about a week since he started at uni in 2021.

But yes, have you lived rurally before? Do you enjoy walks with the dog, cycling in the country, peace and no bustle?

@Readysteadife Your daughter aside, are you going to be happy in a place with no pub, shop or bus? I'm not dismissing country life, I am a country girl myself. But this does sound rather limiting and isolating. Maybe consider the practicalities and life in the winter as well.

i was born and brought up in Devon and have lived rurally before

I definitely enjoy peace ! Every house we have lived in I have hated the noise of neighbours!

i really appreciate all of your answers . It’s a big decision for us all and we hope this will be the house we stay in before we are tool old and decrepit 😩🤣

We are going to view another house tomorrow. It’s less rural, in a village with a shop, pub and a bus a few times a day. It’s 4 miles from the nearest big town with a station. I am not so keen on the house - it’s not my dream as it doesn’t have the big garden I want to grow veg etc - but you never know until you have a look!

My parents moved in the November of my first year at uni. I could not drive.

We moved from a town where all my friends were to a tiny village 30 mins away.

I’ll be honest it was bloody miserable. They were out at work all day and not always thrilled about taxing me around. Public transport was non existent.

It was a really lonely time. And prevented me seeing my friends.

I got my licence about 18 months later but it was always rough. When I graduated I ended up taking a job abroad to escape from living there.

That was 20 years ago and I am surly outside the UK.

They recently moved back to the original town.

I would recommend waiting a couple of years. Let her settle at uni and support her getting her license first.

My parents did this and it was awful. I wasn’t having a great time at uni so to them not have any familiar faces or places during holidays was horrible. I ended up working on residential placements instead of going home.

I think now is a good time! You’re not far away from where she grew up so she can learn to drive and get a cheap car and get herself around. Good luck and I hope you get what you’re looking for

The dps of a friend of mine in college did this a couple of months into first year and she was very homesick. I used to go home less, to stay and keep her company, or bring her home with me. She got over it in time but it did have quite a big impact.

Quite a few parents thought university was a good time to divorce as well. Not sure why they assume that it’s better for a dc to go through family breakdown away from home, and their support and reassurance? It’s almost like they think they cease to exist once they’re out of earshot.

I’d put it off til next year op.

I’d do it but offer to pay for some intensive driving lessons over the summer. What would public transport be like if she wanted to visit friends in the home town? If she feels she would be stuck in the house for three months every summer she might not come back. Are you ok with that? Or if she financially has to come back it could be quite depressing for her if she can’t leave the house apart from a walk in the fields. 🤷‍♀️

I'll be honest my main reason for visiting home from uni was to see my school friends (relationship not brilliant with one of my parents), but when I was home I also needed to work and at least where they lived had good public transport links and I could drive so I could find work in the holidays fairly easily (used mum's car as she was a teacher and only needed it in term time).

After the first year once you are into rented houses it's easier to stay in the uni town for most of the year so if they had moved I'd have probably stayed there to work, visited home friends by staying at their houses at weekends and not gone to see my parents very much at all. I was fortunate enough to drive at that age but being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no licence, possibly no job and limited access to friends does not sound great.

Will there be work opportunities for her in holidays, does she already have a job she’ll be returning to in holidays? Are you around to taxi her?

My feeling is you wait until uni is done. Sorry. It's not really them starting an independent life, it's a bit more like they're away at boarding school really.

Go for it OP. You and your husband deserve your dream too. People on here expect mothers to have no life. Kids adapt. It's your time now.

OP put your practical head on. If something were to happen which meant you could not drive how would you cope in a location with no public transport? I live in a suburb which lost its bus service over 20 years ago. It's a 25 minute walk to the nearest bus stop. We do have an expensive 'local shop' which is 10 minutes on foot but you'd only use it in an emergency. I need my car to go shopping, to appointments, to get to a station if I want to go anywhere on a train. It was a nightmare before the children learned to drive and needed to be taken anywhere (only got Ubers this year and taxis are extremely expensive).

The second location sounds better just from a 'we will be getting older' point of view. If this is to be your final move then plan it from the how will we cope if something happens and we could still be here at 80 point of view.

Did they move far ?