AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

We have a similar income to you. We send dd 320 a month and top up her rent by 2k.per year. Lukiky we paid our mortage off just as her older brother went, and they didnt over lap. Even in cheaper cities rent is often 150 a week. The english system and it is only the english system is very unfair. She has a housemate who gets an 8 k loan as his mum is on low income, but his dad earns 80 k and sends 300 a month plus pays the rent. Her welsh flatmate gets about 12k, as do all welsh students, the amount of that they pay back is based on family income, buy they all get it. Dd total minimum loan for the year next year has increased by £133 she said . Jobs she has hotel experiance but has not been able to get anything in uni town nor have her friends so please dont count on her finding work im afraid. You need to explain all this to her . Your other option may be to split up and send her to live with the lower earning parent ( this is only partly a joke)

That's a very privileged position to look down from. Parents may not be able to save for university for any number of reasons. Particularly if you live in some of the more expensive parts of the country. My eldest is commuting to university from home as we cannot afford the fees on a similar income to OP. I don't think there are many parents who are genuinely ignoring there's a cost to them if their child wants to attend university, but many middle wage earners will struggle to top up the minimum loan or might be naive about the costs, particularly if they haven't been to university themselves or went when it was free! I agree that the maximum loan should be available for all who choose to apply.

We paid rent. They then had their loans and took part time jobs to pay for everything else. We had 2 away at Uni at the same time, and were paying rent for the two of them - luckily we had savings to draw on, having assumed that when twins hit uni age it is going to cost more than the mortgage had been! We had also planned ahead to make sure we were mortgage free before they went to uni. Our son chose an expensive city for uni but thankfully his twin sister went to a cheaper area.

You are deflecting your responsibility onto your daughter.

Which university is it? Some areas have much more expensive accommodation than others.

Different country, but mine all had PT jobs at university and I didn't contribute at all.

yes @Mahalepirose which uni? And will she be willing to flex? Plenty of PPs will have up-to-date intel on likely costs in various uni cities and towns.

Theoretically you are supposed to top her up to the maximum loan amount as your earnings are what determine how much she has it reduced by. That being said I think it is unfair that a student could get less loan because of their parents income - just income alone doesn’t mean there is disposable income or that the parent would even be willing to contribute if able.

personally I would be discussing it with her and whether a local uni would be more suitable to reduce her costs, and also looking at a budget for the university she has chosen.

I’m a big believer in trying to help your kids if you can, I’m not going to be able to hand mine 30k to pay the fees, but what I can do is pay as much as is reasonable as I go, then anything else I can add it to my mortgage. But I’m lucky that I live in a cheap area so do not have a high remaining balance on my mortgage so could easily add it and just put a couple of extra years on it.

University is a choice.

Kids of 17/18 are old enough to sit down and have realistic conversations about money. They are definitely old enough to be earning their own.

I had the conversation when my kids were 14/15. They understood they would have spending money if they earned it, and none if they didn't. They all got very good with money, amazingly.

We give our dd 2k a term. She couldn't live off less. It's risky to expect yoir dc to get a job as while many do there aren't always jobs available. We saved it over many years. I would try quite hard to get her to take a gap year so she can save money. You need to too. Neither of you sound very organised. A year wasn't long enough to save.

Yet it's ok for the poorer students to be far worse off when paying back the loans it seems

If you don't live in the UK you don't how the system works. Parents are meant to contribute.

Remember also you will need to budget for her rent after she moves out of halls at the end of year 1 - full rent over the summer on an empty house, and this isn’t covered by any loan at all. We have to pay £2100 for rent form July - sept before Dd moves in in October - her loan will then come through which will cover 2 month’s worth and then I’ll have to pay December (another £700) I give £75 a week for food and she also works in Starbucks twice a week

That's not the posters fault.

Did I say it was?

Sorry but you are coming across as very harsh. She is a child spending her first wages over a couple of years- the novelty of earning wont have worn off yet. You describing yourself as furious is an over reaction- she has behaved in a way a teenager would behave when they have earnt money for the first time. She must be 18 or thereabouts- you have had 18 Years to get your act together to save money- yet you are giving her a hard time. It has been known for years that parents are supposed to help with uni fees. I am surprised you have not saved money towards this. A household income of £65,000 earnt by two people is still quite a high income. I feel sorry for your daughter.

I’m a single parent on around 40k and give her £1000 a term, and do a big shop when I drop her off (and she usually comes begging for food money towards the end of term 🙈).

A household income of £65,000 earned by two people is still quite a high income.

Actually @zeebra I don't think it is at all.

It’s funny how sometimes on MN £100k a year is basic for a 25yo (OK maybe an exaggeration) but then on this thread for some £65k for two salaries is "quite high". It really isn't.

Two parents of an 18yo (so they are at least 40yo) earning £33k pa working FT – yes it's above min wage but really it is hardly high for someone who may have been working for 20 years. I'm not having a go – lots of worthwhile roles are poorly paid (including mine haha) but no, it's hardly a high income. Neither parent will be close to paying the higher rate of income tax, for example.

Well who were you saying thinks it is okay for poorer students to have to pay back more loan then? Nobody has said it is okay

I've several work colleague with DC going to uni over the last year or two. I'd guess household incomes in your bracket, maybe a bit higher.

Commonly they seem to pay the DC rent and everything else comes from the loan and a job.

It appears that part time jobs at uni are exceedingly scarce now.

As you say dd will go regardless I'd ask her to do the research and do a budget 'to see what the shortfall is and whether you can cover it'. On minimum loan in an exorbsive city I wouldn't be surprised if she is several hundred short a month.

Then you can explain you don't have that and ask what she'll do. And what if she can't get a uni job?

Does she have a job now? If not starting looking will help her understand how dire the market is.

After rent is paid mine have £1300 a term.

It CAN be slightly easier in uni towns (told by quite a few people that some businesses like to employ students). You're right it is much harder than it was for Millennials, though. Many sixth-formers can't get work. With the economic changes, many people can't afford to employ many people-and won't employ under 18s, because they can't do things that adults can (open/close, alcohol etc), yet are still expensive to employ. Obviously, few uni students are under 18, so they do have more chance of getting a job.

My dd wanted to go to York but she didn’t get in so she went to her insurance offer of Newcastle and the halls were half the price of York. We paid all her rent which was £4500 (three years ago) and ds is at Aberystwyth now which is also cheaper than most.

When I filled in my details on my DD's student loan application, there was a box you could check if you refused to provide your information. It did not say what wpuld happen if you selected this option. Does anyone know?

That’s the minimum though. It depends on how much accommodation is at her university. That might be way too low if it’s an expensive place.