Is it usual to leave a 12 year old home alone for an hour or two?

[Whatsyourverdict]

Do you leave your year 7/8 (so approximately 12 year old) NT child home alone for 1-2 hours if you’re going somewhere local (10 minutes drive away)?

Invited my friend round for coffee next week, and she’s replied to say do I mind if she brings her 12 year old son (only child) with her.

Obviously I can’t really say no without sounding unwelcoming, but equally it will massively change the dynamic of our meet up having a 12 year old boy there (we normally have some pretty deep chats!) and I can’t imagine any 12 year old wants to go to his mum’s coffee meet up?!

Is this the norm? Am I out of touch for thinking a 12 year old could be left for an hour? Mum would be 10 minutes away.

No SEN or additional needs (as far as I know)

She just has a completely different expectation of your meeting up. You're thinking adult, she's thinking toddler sharing spacel

I left my 12 year old alone for 4-5 hours, but she's very mature for her age and was fine as long as she had food and desserts to eat and TV to watch. Every child is different

Yes, every child is different, but

'Only leaving them for 2 hours, when you are 10 mins away and easily contactable and it is light outside' is on the end of the continuum that suggests they need to work on their independence.

By secondary school, many dc have to be alone all day whilst their parents are at work. Many will be comfortable being home without a parent in the evenings. Many will be happy for regular alone time for quite a lot more hours than the 2 the OP is proposing.

It is very normal, unusual not to leave them alone I'd say. Maybe he has some additional needs? Or she usually leaves him but there's been an incident recently so the trust has been broken? I would ask her if you can reschedule.

Bloody hell, one thing to insist on collecting her own child (even if ridiculous at that age) but collecting yours as well?!!

Mine got the bus home at 11 and stayed home alone until 5.45. But I know someone who still uses a childminder for a 14yr old!

Jesus.... is this serious? Of course it is! I expect at that age they should be able to be left alone all day. And if both parents are working, usually (or what happened when I was a kid), they would come home (if not out babysitting), do their homework and start preparing dinner. I cannot believe this is a serious question. We've really gone backwards as a society and instead of teaching resilience, responsibility, preparing dinner etc, we are helicoptering and mollycoddling and wrapping high school age kids in cotton wool!

So glad I grew up in the 'latch key era' and not this really messed up era!

I 100% agree

Yes. My ND just-12 year old doesn't like to be left alone at the moment, but I feel sure that in a year's time, she'll be fine with it. I was the same as a ND child. She's fine if she's with a friend, however.

Listening to your child is not 'mollycoddling.' The whole point is to grow confidence, so that independence can develop.

My 11 year old (Y6) walks to school and walks home - almost a mile each way. She gets home 45 minutes before me!

This has all happened very recently and was very led by her. She just wanted more indpendence and didn't want to picked up by her grandparents anymore as it made her feel 'childish'.

It was very terrifing for me to begin with, but now it's all good. Now I think that bringing them up to be self-sufficient anf independent is good parenting!

Now I think that bringing them up to be self-sufficient anf independent is good parenting!

Barring other factors, I don't think anyone would disagree with that! However, I think it's absolutely fine and normal for some kids to be 'ready' earlier than others. My DS really didn't like being left alone at 11, but within a couple of years absolutely loved it.

Yes completely normal. My 12 year old is often home alone for a hour or two over the weekend, and a couple of times a month takes himself to school and maybe once a fortnight lets himself in until we get back from work depending on our shifts. He’s fine and seems to enjoy it! He would hate coming to my friends for a coffee!

Goodness, of course it's normal.
Most/many DC in year 6 walk to their local school along/with friends.
Mine were starting to take public transport to meet friends from Year 7 and taking it to school (with others). They could safely stay at home for a day by themselves from roughly Year 8-9. It's good to encourage them to gradually become independent. That one of the jobs of a parent isn't it?

My 12 year old is barely ever home these days. This mum must not be able to trust her kid at all to have to take him with her, it’s not normal, unless kids grounded so mum suffers too but she’s following through on a punishment

My DS would insist on being left at home. What 12 year old boy wants to go to Mum's friends for coffee?

My DD hates being left alone though. I'd reschedule if it was her that I had with me.

Oh it's always relevant on here that they are only children - I am an only child with an only child married to an only child and I never thought anything of it but have learned on here it's the most terrible thing you can do to a child apparently.

For balance, as an only child I was left alone at night at 11 whilst my parents went out boozing (not all night, til about midnight).

Age 12 I took 2 buses to school and let myself in when I got home.
Loads of my friends did similar
None died

Definitely normal

I was 12 when my DM went back to work full time and I had to let myself in after school and be home for an hour or so. I genuinely don't think it even occured to my DP that I might "not like it" by that age. Some kids are very babied these days though.

Mine has special needs and can absolutely be left alone. He enjoys the peace and quiet!

Totally normal.

Yes, it's normal but there will be kids outside the norm. One of mine hated being left alone still at that age. We've never pursued a diagnosis but I'm now pretty sure he has asd and at 12 he had a lot of worries at school and just kind of felt safer with me or his dad about.
Just reschedule I don't think your friend will mind.

Yes I did. Very normal

My DCs loved having the house to themselves at that age.

A lot of parents baby their children. I always remember chatting to a friend who was telling me that her DS has been very brave at age 12 and gone to Waitrose (10 minute walk from their house) to buy a loaf of bread. I didn’t like to tell her that my DCs who were then 7 and 9 routinely went on mini shopping trips for my mum and loved doing it.

Yep i leave my 12 year for a couple of hours all the time