Is it usual to leave a 12 year old home alone for an hour or two?

[Whatsyourverdict]

Do you leave your year 7/8 (so approximately 12 year old) NT child home alone for 1-2 hours if you’re going somewhere local (10 minutes drive away)?

Invited my friend round for coffee next week, and she’s replied to say do I mind if she brings her 12 year old son (only child) with her.

Obviously I can’t really say no without sounding unwelcoming, but equally it will massively change the dynamic of our meet up having a 12 year old boy there (we normally have some pretty deep chats!) and I can’t imagine any 12 year old wants to go to his mum’s coffee meet up?!

Is this the norm? Am I out of touch for thinking a 12 year old could be left for an hour? Mum would be 10 minutes away.

No SEN or additional needs (as far as I know)

Then s/he needs to start getting used to it, mummy's apron strings have to be relaxed at some stage.

Assuming they are a sensible child, that's old enough to be left alone. Do they not travel/to from school alone?

I'd be honest and say yes, actually, you were looking forward to a grown up catch up.

Uh yea. I mean I’d leave a 9 year old to go out for an hour during the day.

It is normal to leave the child. That she wants to bring him, means there is something going on, and she does not feel she can leave him.

Children and their parents have very different ideas. Several years ago when DS was about 12/13, he had a friend round, I realised I was missing a vital ingredient for their lunch. I said I was just popping to the shop and would be about a half hour max. The friend asked me to call his mum, I did, explained the situation, she said she would come to collect the both and take them back to hers. Which she did, despite my saying I would be gone a max of half an hour.

Just say “awww, why don’t we reschedule for a time when you’re free? He’ll be so bored and I can easily move it to an easier time for you”.

Some parents are OTT. Poor kid, how boring for him.

On the other hand, there may be something going on that makes her reluctant to leave him.

Yes

Normal. However some don't get any diagnosis until they're in their teens so I wouldn't assume no Sen.

I imagine she knows he child better than you. Maybe she doesnt think her child is very sensible. Maybe the child gets scared alone. May they have a issue that you aren't aware of. My DC is ND its not common knowledge. Only a very select few know of our pursuit of a diagnosis.

I'd reschedule, it'll totally change the dynamic and I doubt that he'll enjoy himself much.

its up to her, if she doesnt want to leave him surely

My mum wouldn’t have left me at that age. Not that I was incapable she just hated the fact I might not need her.

It's normal for a 12 year old to stay at home. I'd feel the same as you - unless she has a child he is friends with so they can go off and do something together, it will awkward and weird.

It does a child no favours to keep them young at an age when they should be learning independence and resilience - in fact, long after that age. I was recently watching a lad I know who's not far off 14 as he crossed the road. He's only been allowed out on his own in the last few months. He checked and re-checked that it was safe to cross a quiet residential side road about half a dozen times before venturing across. Sad really, but at least he is finally able to go out and about alone. He'll catch up, I hope.

Yes, totally normal during the daytime. At night, no I’d get a sitter.

I’m surprised she is asking to bring them really, she should know that you are long past play dates and that bringing a teen around changes the dynamic completely.

Having said that, I know this woman who was still insisting in bringing her 12 years old everywhere despite the fact the kid was so independent he was taking a train to go to school everyday. The weirdest thing was that she insisted for him to stay at the table with the adults even if there were other kids his age around happy to go and play or with the Xbox in the next room. It was obvious the kid wanted to join the others but mum kept saying no.

"Obviously I can’t really say no without sounding unwelcoming"

Yes you can. Obviously! You just say something along the lines of

That really changes the dynamic doesn't it? No, I'd really just prefer a one-to-one coffee, why don't we reschedule for when you're free?'

Or that old Mumsnet standard,

'That doesn't work for me.'

I was getting on the bus to go to school 3/4 of an hour away, there and back by then. 12 years old.

What is it with parents, or children not being able to "grow up"....

Definitely yes.

I was home alone all day everyday in the holidays at that age

Why is it relevant that he’s an only child?

And yes, of course it’s normal to leave a child that age alone for a bit - I happily leave my 10 year old (also an only child, incidentally) alone for an hour or so.

Yes very normal. But I do have one friend who does bring her 12 year old every where with her and will not leave him alone as he will get up to something he really shouldn’t! He’s quite immature though so I think it depends on the child tbh.

Yes, perfectly normal. Mine usually got home from school about 3.30-4pm and I’d get home from work about 5.30pm. He wasn’t allowed to make hot food - that was the only restriction.

Of course it's normal for 11 and 12 yr olds to be home alone for a couple of hours.

In response to her asking if I minded, I'd say
"Yes, I do. I want to chat with YOU not a 12 yr old. Let's find another time when we can meet up, just adults".