How to address a manager who keeps sneaking up behind staff

[unbuttonedowl]

I have a manager who has a habit of creeping up very quietly behind me and other colleagues as we're working, then saying whatever he wants to say once he's very close. He seems to think it's amusing and gets a kick out of it if he startles people.

I usually have my laptop positioned so I can see him approaching, but he has startled my colleague and when she's kind of laughed it off he's said 'ah yes I've been told I can move very quietly... I'd make a good cat burglar' or something to that effect.

Today he came from another angle so I didn't see him, but I sensed him and didn't give him the satisfaction of jumping.

There are a lot of other issues with him and I wonder how long he's got in the organisation but this is one particular habit of his that genuinely creeps me out.

How do I deal with this in a way that doesn't make me look bad or gets him offside (he's spiteful.) I could go to HR, or I could bring it up with him, but I feel like it's something that is better dealt with in the moment, a blunt statement that makes him realise he's being inappropriate so he thinks twice about doing it again.

He is going to regret doing that when he approaches someone with some old trauma and they turn round and punch him. Sorry that’s not helpful. When you say look bad, look bad to who? Does he do it to everyone including those more senior?

“Can you not creep up on me, it makes me uncomfortable” and document all instances. Encourage other colleagues to do the same. If it continues, report to HR.

Alternatively, does he have a peer level colleague that you can raise a concern with so maybe they can have a word of you don’t want to formalise.

No he does it to me and my colleague, both of whom he manages. I have old trauma - I mean show me a middle aged woman who doesn't - and it disturbs me to have someone creeping up behind me.

In terms of looking bad, I guess looking flustered, looking stupid. I don't want him to see he's gotten under my skin.

wait to you sense him just a couple of feet behind you and be ready to spin round with a warm drink in hand which you spill on his trousers while also standing on his toe. Woops I didn’t hear you approach etc! That’ll larn him!

Can you move your working position so your back is to a wall, say you are in a draught or getting a crick in your neck turning to talk to him. Or you and your colleague arrange to be working back to back, thought we'd reorganise a bit it works better this way.

Put a ring of Pringles around you on the floor and then the crunch will alert you that he is incoming.

What I would like to do:
'Jump and scream back at him- FFS Barry, you've made me wet myself. I'll be taking this up with HR. I'm going home now thanks to your childish behaviour!'

What I'd likely do. Get several mirrors on the side of your laptop, like bike mirrors. Speak to him about it being inappropriate and log each incident of his childish behaviour- then speak to HR. If you and the other victim go together it would be better.

I startle very easily, even more so when someone crept up behind me on a road and tried to steal my hand bag. I'd be livid if my manager did that.

Say "That's really creepy behaviour, has no-one said this before?"
If the cat burglar comment: " Hmm, I'm not sure that comes across in a complimentary way."
Bring a mirror in for each of your desks and be prepared to move it around to see if he really is looking for ways to do this deliberately. If he tries to laugh it off, "Yes, it's because it's creepy when you are right behind me with no noise."
Or just scream loudly enough to shock him back - every time.

Ohh that’s so creepy, definitely call him out on it .

Much as I love the Pringles idea (Rice Krispies might also work well) I think you need to approach it really directly as a PP said...

"John, please don't creep up on me like that, it makes me feel uncomfortable". If he tries to joke about it you need to reply and say "No, seriously, it makes me uncomfortable when you do that. I've asked you to stop."

If he continues to do it I would send him an email stating exactly the same thing so you have a paper trail. Then speak to HR.

Is he trying to catch you doing something else instead of working?

Is he trying to catch you doing something else instead of working?

Not but he will take it upon himself to read what I'm working on and make unsolicited comments. He knows I work hard so it's not that.

Is your colleague also female?
This is bullying behaviour towards more junior staff. Talk to HR.

Some great ideas here, but I do wonder why someone would want to be such a dick. It really baffle me that people behave like this and think it's clever or funny.

Ughh same. The job is great but his behaviour is incredibly tedious and the CEO is oblivious because he's superficially charming and sounds authoritative ie talks loudly in meetings.

That sounds like a top tip from Viz 😂

Maybe he's testing you. Do you have a job that requires you to be unfazed in the face of danger? If I were a spy I could see this kind of thing being useful.

Put some mirrors in your desk if he asks say it’s so I can see you creeping up as it pisses me off and creeps me out I don’t like it

😂😂😂

I think that's what made me think of Rice Krispies - it was a way to pretend that you were a millionaire with a gravel driveway by glueing them to your tyres!

I had a manager who used to do this - I got a small mirror for my desk (this exact one! HekouJiub Pink Mirror, 6.9 * 5.3 Inch Small Mirror for Desk, Wave Shaped Personal Mirrors, Portable Folding Mirrors for Standing Hanging for Women, Offices And Bedrooms : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen) and angled it so I could see who was creeping behind me!

I had a member of staff like this.
I think he was always trying to see what was on my screen. What I was dealing with.
I just used to say loudly for him not to do it, that it frightened the life out of me.
He did stop.

These are called 'computer rear vision mirrors' and they are a real thing!

Whenever I read stuff like this about any unwanted approacher it always reminds me of Micky Flanagan and the old school Cockney trick of keeping a cup of piss by the front door.
Ah, if only.
Oh Barry I’m so sorry I soaked you with that beaker of piss. I was meant to take it to the GP last week as a sample. I wondered what the funny smell was….
How does these men get into management. They know it’s not funny, it’s not exactly sexual harassment but it’s designed entirely to make a woman feel uncomfortable and as if she’s being watched.
Absolute dickhead.

Tell him you have a heart condition and if he creeps up on you again you will be taking it further.

I was going to say startle reflex, elbow to the throat/solar plexus but @Plinketyplonks has a more civilised suggestion.

Get a spray bottle and spray him each time, like a misbehaving cat.

Seriously though, get a mirror so you can see the creep approaching.

Take the advice about documenting his bullying and starting a paper trail. What a fucker doing that in the workplace.