How to address a manager who keeps sneaking up behind staff

[unbuttonedowl]

I have a manager who has a habit of creeping up very quietly behind me and other colleagues as we're working, then saying whatever he wants to say once he's very close. He seems to think it's amusing and gets a kick out of it if he startles people.

I usually have my laptop positioned so I can see him approaching, but he has startled my colleague and when she's kind of laughed it off he's said 'ah yes I've been told I can move very quietly... I'd make a good cat burglar' or something to that effect.

Today he came from another angle so I didn't see him, but I sensed him and didn't give him the satisfaction of jumping.

There are a lot of other issues with him and I wonder how long he's got in the organisation but this is one particular habit of his that genuinely creeps me out.

How do I deal with this in a way that doesn't make me look bad or gets him offside (he's spiteful.) I could go to HR, or I could bring it up with him, but I feel like it's something that is better dealt with in the moment, a blunt statement that makes him realise he's being inappropriate so he thinks twice about doing it again.

Presumably you are an adult, op!! Just tell him to stop!
fuck off!
don't do that!
be off with you!

Beat it!
I really don't like it when you do this Colin, please stop!
Hope this helps you articulate your dilema 😁

If you can catch sight of him, step backwards heavily onto his foot as he gets close to you. Preferably onto his toes for maximising the pain.

Also, see if you and your colleague can develop a code word for if one of you sees him, so the other one can react appropriately

Quite simple really, isn't it!!

I’d email HR and say this is what he does and he gets a kick out of it and we have asked him not to and yet he finds it funny and is carrying on. Women like myself have historic trauma and it is not funny it is seriously unhealthy, as is him finding it funny, in fact it is non productive and childish at best and certainly not professional. Women being crept up on or startled is not a laughing matter please can someone above address it with him to ensure he stops it with immediate effect. Thanks

You could set up a novelty motion sensor eg frog on the path into your work area. I hate people sneaking up on me and have thought of doing it in the past.

can you and your collegues have your phones at the ready and see if either can catch him doing it.
Rotten perv.

All joking aside, it is creepy, he’s intimidating you and your colleague (are there any male staff? Does he do it to them?) and brushing it off as banter. It’s not funny, it’s harassment. Contact HR, ask them to tell him to stop it. If he doesn’t, get the clip on mirror, and claim it as a work expense, citing his behaviour as the reason you need it.

I had a boss like this. He genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with this. It made me so uncomfortable but it was the least of his behaviours. He was promoted and sent elsewhere. Also they replaced him with one of his friends who has just as bad but didn’t do this one particular thing. I really don’t understand why men think this is ok. He even asked at one point if it made me uncomfortable and I couldn’t articulate why so he acted like I was the strange one!

I think you have to call him out on it, every time, loudly. Ask him.... Why did you creep up like that?
And keep asking questions... why is it funny/a joke etc
Make the slimy little prick explain himself.
I wouldn't tell him it makes you uncomfortable, he'd probably be delighted.

I think if he wouldn’t respond well to you being assertive, or accidentally on purpose speaking more loudly than usual so you announce to the whole office that he’s being inappropriate and making you feel uncomfortable. Then I would do similar to a PP and have a quiet word that makes it clear you feel uncomfortable and where you feign mild concern that other people might not understand the joke and will think he’s being creepy

If you don’t want to challenge him make up a long very boring story about a previous colleague or a child or a pet who didn’t like being sneaked up on with details but no big conclusion. Tell it every single time making it longer each time. Don’t let him interrupt. Eventually he will stop sneaking up on you to stop you boring the pants off him with your boring story.

I agree with the posters that are suggesting you just need to ask him to stop. ‘Colin, can you please not creep up on me. I don’t like it and I’d like you to stop doing it. Thank you’

If it doesn’t work then you can do some of the other suggestions on this thread.

Oh I work with one of these clowns, he’s not my boss but he is more senior than me. He thinks he’s hilarious & that everyone loves his banter. He taps you on the head with a sheet of paper when he walks past, he sneaks up behind people & shakes their chairs, flicks elastic bands across the office, continuously chants your name under his breath to get your attention. He gets away with it because he’s a nice guy & very likely autistic but my patience is wearing very thin especially if I’m having a stressful day. He chooses his “victims” carefully. It’s always women younger than him. He’s in his 50s. I’m so close to reporting him to HR but I’m nervous about it because I don’t want to create awkwardness so I’m just putting up with it.

I don’t think this is funny, it’s undermining and intimidating.
Ask him not to, and record / film the conversation.
I bet he’s a short little cretin

Be calmly assertive. Do not beg or diminish yourself.

‘Colin, do not creep up on me. I don’t like it and I’d like you to stop doing it. Thank you’

I'm sorry, but again, I have to point out that we could really use an etiquette forum. Or this might be better suited to the work forum.

Try jumping and shrieking really loudly, and then laughing embarrassedly and saying: Please, Mr. Smith, this is so spooky when I'm trying to concentrate. Keep a glass of water there on your desk, and when you jump, knock it over.

Every time he does it, jump in the air, scream really loudly and say oh god you made me jump

Like, scream your head off

My manager doesn’t creep up on me but she does get too close so she can nosy at what I’m doing. Then leans over and puts her sweaty hands on my work, then gets stuck to the papers or whatever I have there.
Its very creepy.

30 days only is good for posts about colleagues - this behaviour is so specific that they could recognise themselves so I want it to disappear after 30 days.

No creeping today. I did position my tablet so I could see what he was up to and I did keep a close eye on him. I will deal with it when it happens again - I think I'll comment on the fact that creeping up on women at work in 2026 is not acceptable and he should reconsider the behaviour.

Maybe wondering out loud if it's a good idea to be doing so and make sure I name the behaviour. I have a few senior staff close by who listen in a lot so I'll make sure I say it loudly.

It's so easy for me to say this but oh my god, report him to HR! The name chanting would tip me over the edge. What a dick.

Tell him you've joined self defence class where the instructor told you to throat punch men who sneak up on you and then proceed.

”I could be a good burglar”

”yeah or a creepy weirdo stalker Jim” with a roll of eyes and a glance at colleague with a slight smile

Also I’m pretty sure he absolutely knows he’s being inappropriate and that is how he’s getting his kicks. Pervert.

I would actually go the route of saying to him direct that you find his behavior and his invading your personal space as inappropriate and that if the behavior continues you will be raising the matter with HR.

Does your work have a whistleblowing reporting process? You could report it anonymously as if you were someone who had observed this happening to you (to disguise its you reporting) and definitely put in that it made several women uncomfortable and looks like creepy behaviour and harassment or bullying from a senior male colleague towards less senior women