How to address a manager who keeps sneaking up behind staff

[unbuttonedowl]

I have a manager who has a habit of creeping up very quietly behind me and other colleagues as we're working, then saying whatever he wants to say once he's very close. He seems to think it's amusing and gets a kick out of it if he startles people.

I usually have my laptop positioned so I can see him approaching, but he has startled my colleague and when she's kind of laughed it off he's said 'ah yes I've been told I can move very quietly... I'd make a good cat burglar' or something to that effect.

Today he came from another angle so I didn't see him, but I sensed him and didn't give him the satisfaction of jumping.

There are a lot of other issues with him and I wonder how long he's got in the organisation but this is one particular habit of his that genuinely creeps me out.

How do I deal with this in a way that doesn't make me look bad or gets him offside (he's spiteful.) I could go to HR, or I could bring it up with him, but I feel like it's something that is better dealt with in the moment, a blunt statement that makes him realise he's being inappropriate so he thinks twice about doing it again.

Elbow to the groin. OP is seated and he’s standing.

My nervous system takes a long time to settle after being startled. I would HATE him for this. I’d go with the mirror, but not before I’d spilled a bottle of orange juice on his crotch.

I had a computer "rear view mirror" attached to my monitor when my desk was on an aisle. It was a bit of fun and I told anyone who asked that I had it so I could distinguish between people walking by and people approaching me. I actually had it (this was pre-phone era) so I could hop off the internet and look like I was working if anyone came too near.

Some great ideas here but I would go with the sensible idea of just saying directly to him something along the lines of "why do you keep creeping up on me and [coworker]? Its not normal behaviour and it makes me/us uncomfortable"

If that doesn't work got to HR, explain that it makes you uncomfortable, its skirting on bullying, and it might have an impact on your productivity if you're constantly checking behind you for him.

"why do you keep creeping up on me and [coworker]? Its not normal behaviour and it makes me/us uncomfortable"

See I want to say that but I feel like it's a strong statement to make in a workplace. Also, he doesn't do it all the time, just every so often. He seems to reign himself in for a while and then pulls the same stunt.

“Stop sneaking up behind me like that, it’s inappropriate and extremely creepy.”

Loudly, every time he does it.

I’d scream and fake faint. Make him fill in forms and an accident report detailing that he sneaks up on people and scares them. Twat that he is.

Get an air horn and tell everyone you are going to let it off near him so no one else jumps?
Why are you pussy footing around the twat? You're basically letting him get away with it for fear of making you look bad??

I too would like to know if your colleague is female. I like PP’s comment about Stop sneaking up it’s inappropriate and creepy!

Yes my colleague is also female. While I would love to tell him he's a creepy innappropriate twat, he is my boss and I have to protect myself and tread carefully. I like this job. He would not hesitate to throw me under a bus if I made an enemy of him - I've seen him do it before.

I have a rare heart condition so he would be in deep shit if he did that to me. I would definitely get a mirror. Is there any way you could start doing similar to him, give him a taste of his own medicine so to speak.

Backwards head butt?

Focus on how he makes you feel rather than telling he's odd and creepy.

So 'Please stop creeping up on me John, it makes me feel uncomfortable' not 'You're really creepy John, please stop doing that.' Keep it calm, business-like and professional, despite what you'd really like to say to him.

"Please don't do that." And then, if he continues "I've asked you to stop doing that, so let's you and me both go and see HR so we can sort this out. Come along, off we go."

Just say “fuck off”

I think if you want to do it sensitively, ask to have a quiet 1-1 meeting with him for 15 mins, and explain that the behaviour is very threatening, even if he doesn't intend it to be so, and please could he stop doing it (if you're feeling particularly generous, you can spell out to him why it may be threatening for a man to sneak up behind a woman and why it might backfire on him one day).

If he does it again after this, I'd take it to HR and explain you'd tried to address it directly but he'd continued. Keep notes.

I like the idea of the stress incontinence suggestion. Not entirely untrue for a woman of a certain age.

Mention it to HR, not in a 'grass him up' way but as a self-protecting way - 'Im concerned that boss's behaviour may cause me some personal embarrassment' - he needs to be told and this way he can't turn it around at you, or he'll look like a complete knob

I believe the startle reflex can sometimes take the form of a vocal reaction. Could i suggest shouting ‘CREEPY WANKER’ every time he does it?

Seriously though that would freak me out - I can’t stand anyone getting close to me.

Oh it’s just brought back a memory of an old boss. He used to stick his hand down the back of his pants, have a poke around then try to discreetly sniff his hand. He would then put said hand on (usually) my shoulder.

We called him scratch and sniff, unsurprisingly

I had a boss like this, although not for long. I went to his office, shut the door and said something like “you probably don’t realise how it comes across but we really don’t like you surprising us it makes us jump and it isn’t productive. Also it makes you look a bit weird and creepy so I just thought I’d let you know”. I said it in private (reduces repercussions) and made it look like I was doing him a favour. He never did it again. I never told anyone, but others noticed he stopped doing it to them as well. I don’t know if that would work in your case.

Nicely handled! Isn’t it awful that the women (for the most part) have to try to ask him not to do it, though. You would think that that sort of behaviour wouldn’t even occur to him.

Fuck me, that's bogging 🤮

It's not just you OP........

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/31W8VwPE9Fc

I always considered myself to have a fairly strong constitution but 🤮 I hate being touched at the best of times but this was on another level. 🤮🤮

Really creepy behaviour and the replies are great. Liking the hot tea over his trousers.