Page 2 | Help me help my son with death of dog please.

sidneytweeney · 2026-04-25T12:43:35+00:00

I don’t know what to do/say to him. My lovely 9 year old son accidentally left the side gate open this morning, our sweet little dog got out and she’s been hit by a car (we assume). Our neighbour found her and took her to the vets but she died on the way. We’re devastated, obviously and my son is inconsolable. He thinks he’s killed her. I’ve said all the things. It was an accident, you didn’t mean it, we love you. We don’t blame you. I don’t know what else to say to him. He’s been on his bed since 10.00 a.m this morning. Won’t eat or drink. Won’t get his head out of his hands. It’s not like him, he’s usually responsive and can express how he feels but I can’t get through to him. Any ideas? Any suggestions on what to do would be so appreciated. There’s no dad in the picture, just me my 10 years old and his tween brother, who has also tried. Thank you x

Listlostlast · 26/04/2026 19:31

Ah fuck, the poor bloody kid. I’m so, so sorry, for all of you for the loss of your darling dog but, of course, for your poor son who’s finding this so hard. I hate to say it but I think time and room to talk about his feelings about it all will probably be the only thing that helps. He won’t forget it, sadly, but I hope he’ll come to terms with it. I would probably try to shoulder some of the responsibility, make up something about knowing you needed to put an auto closer on the gate but hadn’t got around to it, your fault (it’s not of course) not his etc, just anything to take some of the weight off him a bit.

Emmz1510 · 26/04/2026 20:01

The poor wee soul what a horrid thing to happen. You can give all the reassurance in the world (and you will) but honestly he needs to just be able to move through his feelings in his own time. Lots of tears, cuddles, rest and TLC. I agree with PP’s that shouldering the blame will help take some of the weight off him. You probably already feel like you’d do anything to take his guilt and shame away, well, this is it. Not that anyone is to blame at all, but you are a lot stronger than him.

Original poster

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 20:09

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions but the way things played out this morning: other son in bed, me in the bath- he knew it was just him who could have left the gate open- or else I would have lied and taken the blame.

He Is out of his room now but wants to sleep with me tonight and doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow.

I’m tempted to give him a day off school - what do you think? X

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Original poster

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 20:10

Hernameisdeborah · 26/04/2026 19:12

I’m so sorry for all of you.

Your poor boy will be feeling immense grief and the guilt and that is a lot for a little boy to take. He has already been severely punished for a simple mistake anyone could make.

I did something extremely stupid that caused the death of my darling cat, when I was 10 (with absolutely no intention of hurting her in any way whatsoever) and I was utterly devastated afterwards. The pain and self hatred I felt were unbearable . I still cry about her now. I still feel so much guilt about causing the death of a pet my family loved.

All you can do is let him talk about it if he wants to, as much as he wants to, give him loads of love and reassurance and let him know how much you love him and nobody is angry or upset with him. Another pet might actually show you still trust him with animals and offer him a second chance to keep pets safe. I found that helped me.

💐💐💐💐

Sorry to hear this happened to you too xx

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Original poster

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 20:11

BeMintFatball · 26/04/2026 19:21

My. Childhood cat died whilst we were on holiday when I was 16. The morning we left I saw a near neighbour chase her off his wall. She landed badly and was limping.My parents didn’t take her to the vet. She died in a cattery.

I cried solidly for 3 days and we came home early.
We rehomed a kitten from a relative too soon. I needed to grieve longer. New kitten was never anything like my dear old Fluffy but I loved him for his unique little ways eventually.

Give your sons time

Oh that’s awful. So sorry xx

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Whyaremyradiatorsgreen · 26/04/2026 20:17

The poor little boy. It was an accident, he never meant anything awful to happen but his little brain can’t process all of it.
I wouldn’t lie (he’s not stupid, he knows) and I also probably wouldn’t give him the day off school. Distraction will be good for him.
I think you talk it out, as often as you can. He did it but NOT maliciously, and he loved that dog and she knew he did. It was an accident and they happen, even with grown ups. It feels catastrophic for him right now, perhaps tell him about the times that you did things wrong by mistake? We all do, he’s just very young to have to learn that.

Treebere · 26/04/2026 20:19

Oh bless him. I’d absolutely give him the day off, let him take the lead depending on how he feels tomorrow. He may just need another day to feel things and to feel safe at home with his mam. The postman left the gate open for our dear dog, and she got out and fell off a cliff just before Christmas, when I was about your sons age. Not one spoke about it, we all were told not to mention it. It was horrendous. My mother always hated Christmas and postmen after that.

SpunkyLimePlayer · 26/04/2026 20:25

I would look out for some professional support for him and ask at school if there is any support they can recommend or he can access too. I'd let his teacher know what happened too. It's normal to be devastated in this situation - I think you have to just let it be the way it is for a bit. A pet bereavement charity might be a good idea.

AnotherName2025 · 26/04/2026 20:32

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 20:09

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions but the way things played out this morning: other son in bed, me in the bath- he knew it was just him who could have left the gate open- or else I would have lied and taken the blame.

He Is out of his room now but wants to sleep with me tonight and doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow.

I’m tempted to give him a day off school - what do you think? X

I'm so sorry to hear about Maud ❤️

I'd definitely let him stay home tomorrow. I would even if she had died of natural causes, let alone the guilt he's feeling. Last thing he needs is to be teased for crying at school & he won't be able to concentrate. Poor little boy 😢

RIP Little Maud 💕

Doone22 · 26/04/2026 20:45

You need to acknowledge his mistake and not try to downplay it, he knows it's his fault so to keep telling him it's ok is not going to work.
Concentrate on discussing forgiveness for mistakes. Read him some of the Bible even. Plus lots of very wise people have discussed forgiveness and atonement so maybe do some extra reading together.
Allow him his time to grieve. Then make a plan with him to say goodbye to the dog, and say sorry to the dog and just comfort each other. You can't sweep this away with kind words. It'll be with him forever. If he has younger relatives it may help to ask him if he would blame his little sister for example if the mistake had been hers. If not perhaps ask him how he would forgive you if it had been your mistake.

sayitisntsoo · 26/04/2026 20:56

I'd tell him that really as the adult in the house it was my overall responsibility to make sure there was no opportunity for the dog to accidentally escape. That's he's a 9 year old child so the responsibility should not have been on him.

Poor little thing.

Original poster

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 21:03

sayitisntsoo · 26/04/2026 20:56

I'd tell him that really as the adult in the house it was my overall responsibility to make sure there was no opportunity for the dog to accidentally escape. That's he's a 9 year old child so the responsibility should not have been on him.

Poor little thing.

Yeah I’ve made it clear it’s not his fault and I should have checked after him

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Original poster

sidneytweeney · 26/04/2026 21:05

Thanks everyone. He’s cried himself to sleep. I’m at a loss. I hate seeing him in pain like this. Thanks everyone for your nice posts. Sorry to all of those who have lost pets too who have commented. 🌸

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Sampick · 26/04/2026 21:07

So sorry to read this. When I was about 12 I had a sleepover and instead of being upstairs we were downstairs. One of the cats wandered into my room and we couldjtbs

Sampick · 26/04/2026 21:10

Sorry my message cut off…

i put the cat outside in the early hours of the morning (it was an indoor and outdoor cat). The next day I was told by my neighbour she was found run over. I felt dreadful and guilty. But I wasn’t to know that would happen, he was too young to properly understand what it meant etc. I would reassure him by saying you’ve done it on occasions and we don’t know if it was def him anyway. Maybe also tell him my story and show that this can happen and not to feel any guilt. You are being a lovely mum and I’m sorry for your loss.

minipie · 26/04/2026 21:12

If he has younger relatives it may help to ask him if he would blame his little sister for example if the mistake had been hers. If not perhaps ask him how he would forgive you if it had been your mistake

I agree with this - it could have happened to anyone - if it had been his brother or his friend or you then he would understand it was an accident surely, so the same is true for him. Also agree about making a plan to say goodbye.

Listlostlast · 26/04/2026 23:09

Absolutely give him the day off, he’s had a bloody horrible time, poor kid. Just loads of love and attention, not much else for it 💐

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 27/04/2026 12:50

It’s on you as the adult to check the gate.

You need to own it.

Sorry for your loss

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 27/04/2026 12:51

minipie · 26/04/2026 21:12

If he has younger relatives it may help to ask him if he would blame his little sister for example if the mistake had been hers. If not perhaps ask him how he would forgive you if it had been your mistake

I agree with this - it could have happened to anyone - if it had been his brother or his friend or you then he would understand it was an accident surely, so the same is true for him. Also agree about making a plan to say goodbye.

It was the adults fault, it can’t be his fault. The adults need to own it.

Sprungy · 27/04/2026 13:46

Honestly I would still suddenly remember that it was you that went to the gate again and maybe were carrying something and meant to go back. I would double down on my big lie and insist. You can replace it with a self closing gate before the next dog and have the extra protection. How he has had a better day today.

Hernameisdeborah · 27/04/2026 14:02

@sidneytweeney massive hugs to all of you today. I hope you and your boy managed to get some sleep and your son is a little better today 💖

Original poster

sidneytweeney · 27/04/2026 14:39

Hernameisdeborah · 27/04/2026 14:02

@sidneytweeney massive hugs to all of you today. I hope you and your boy managed to get some sleep and your son is a little better today 💖

Thank you. Xx

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REP22 · 27/04/2026 15:27

Oh bless you. I am so sorry for you and your family, and for the loss of Maud. How devastating.

I lost my dad in tragic circumstances. The "what if's" and "if only's" can be all-consuming, even without any whiff of guilt or self-blame. All I could offer to console myself is - and please forgive me if this sounds trite or glib - that we all, animal or human, have our time in this world. My dad's time was 17 November. If what happened to him hadn't happened on that day, he would still have died that day, because that was his time. Maud could have jumped the closed gate, squeezed through a gap, wandered through the open gate and come back unharmed. But she didn't. It was just her time.

I am so, so sorry for what has happened. I don't know that there is anything other than what you are already doing to help your poor boy. Talking, reassurance and lots of cuddles will help, at least a bit. It sounds like it was quick and that Maud would not have suffered long. I hope that, in time, remembering the dog that she was and how much she was loved might bring some comfort.

I really wish I had something I could say that would make it all better. Thinking of you and your family. With best wishes. x 💐

Original poster

sidneytweeney · 27/04/2026 15:38

REP22 · 27/04/2026 15:27

Oh bless you. I am so sorry for you and your family, and for the loss of Maud. How devastating.

I lost my dad in tragic circumstances. The "what if's" and "if only's" can be all-consuming, even without any whiff of guilt or self-blame. All I could offer to console myself is - and please forgive me if this sounds trite or glib - that we all, animal or human, have our time in this world. My dad's time was 17 November. If what happened to him hadn't happened on that day, he would still have died that day, because that was his time. Maud could have jumped the closed gate, squeezed through a gap, wandered through the open gate and come back unharmed. But she didn't. It was just her time.

I am so, so sorry for what has happened. I don't know that there is anything other than what you are already doing to help your poor boy. Talking, reassurance and lots of cuddles will help, at least a bit. It sounds like it was quick and that Maud would not have suffered long. I hope that, in time, remembering the dog that she was and how much she was loved might bring some comfort.

I really wish I had something I could say that would make it all better. Thinking of you and your family. With best wishes. x 💐

Thank you and sorry for your loss 🌸

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Esperanza25 · 27/04/2026 16:12

Oh, I’m so sorry, this is so sad. As you said it’s an accident, but it must hurt so much. Your poor son, but he mustn’t blame himself, no one must. No one meant for this to happen and absolutely no one is perfect 100 percent of the time.
The only thing I can think of to console you is that your son will feel a little better in a day, a week, a month’s time.
I really am so sorry though.