Loanee selling my stuff

[ZestofCoffee]

A bit of an AIBU? I’m not going to do anything about it, the lady who has my horse on loan is cantankerous at best. I have an elderly horse who has been on loan for a number of years. I have owned him for over 20 years. I loaned him because I wanted to safeguard his future and felt he was better in a home where he was still in light work than not being ridden at all with me.

Loanee takes good care of the horse so I have overlooked all the other bits. They are very arrogant and difficult to deal with. Fall out with everyone - banned from FB groups etc for their obnoxious opinions. Its very difficult for me to visit because he’s a considerable distance away (I decided this was ok on balance because it was a good home) and because the loanee has made it clear my children aren’t welcome - I parent mostly alone and it’s very difficult to travel the distance within the constraints of childcare. I see the horse once or twice a year. But stay in regular contact.

Anyway - to the point I sent the horse with a full and extensive wardrobe, basically because I had no other use for it and had no plans to sell him (and still don’t and wanted to ensure he has the most comfortable existence possible. I have seen recently that the loanee is selling items of mine on Facebook. I know they won’t replace them - I had also seen my stuff on their other horses.

I’m just a bit pissed off - if they don’t want it they should offer it back. Not profit from it. My horse had a value at the time they loaned him and they’ve had a bloody good deal. For less than £100 I don’t think them should be selling items - if space is an issue let me know I’ll collect.

Why don’t you just take your horse back? Realistically OP if you have owned him for 20 years then he is at an age where retirement wouldn’t be a bad thing. If you really want to keep him ticking over surely you could just get a part loaner to hack for a day or two per week? The woman sounds awful and there is no way I would ever put up with that rubbish and disrespect from a loaner - by tolerating it you are actively facilitating this. Absolutely unacceptable

He’s only doing gentle flatwork now and is retired from competition, I do think very light work (ie hacking twice a week) is better than nothing. We plan to have him home soon. I have enquired at some liveries, I could keep him at home but would need a companion as I don’t have anything myself atm. Loanee has suggested moving him further away and that is a line I won’t cross.

Its very difficult as she has had him such a long time (5 years) that I feel like he’s not totally “mine.” She has made visiting etc quite hostile though (children issue and this horse is a saint who my nephew used to help with when he was a toddler) and I know we will have an argument when it comes to his end of life as she is very much into intervening at any cost (both financial and physically to the horse) and I am a pick a day and don’t undergo too much medical intervention quality over quantity person.

Also the “ticking over” part was my view when I retired him from eventing, Loanee has no interest in jumping and so that was my stance then. But obviously some time has passed. I would have no issue (and would actually enjoy) hacking him once or twice a week.

Find a companion and get him home OP. For the sake of an easy return (as it sounds like she will kick off over every little thing) I'd just let the selling a few odd bits go. I hate saying it as she is a real CF, but I'd rather get my boy home with no issues.

Oh absolutely - I know I won’t get it back and I know there will be an enormous backlash if I have him home.

I have almost been waiting for an excuse rather than taking control to justify having him home. My reasons are really to give him a peaceful end and enjoy his last days. He is the horse I have had for years and years since a young woman.

Personally I would find out a day she isn't going to be there and go take him back. Does she understand what loan means? And message her via the selling sites asking for your stuff back ASAP. She is a thief..

I’d be looking at retirement liverys and getting him back ASAP , but then I wouldn’t have loaned him to someone who you describe as ‘cantankerous and arrogant’ in the first place . Do you have an inventory of the stuff he went with because I’d send her a copy and tell her you expect it all back , whatever the condition .

I do have an inventory. I thought she was eccentric when I first met her. But as time went on it became clear she’s very, very difficult. She struggles in a lot of her relationships and has become very isolated. She has had a go at me before and I have let it go over my head as I know there’s no point arguing with her. I see her get into fights all the time on social media about nothing in particular.

I can’t do that unfortunately because of the nature of her yard - I wouldn’t be a be able
to get access.

For now i would screenshot fb.

Separately I'd talk to her and explain the objects she has listed on fb belong to you and your horse so can she remove them from sale please atheywill need to be returned. Also advise that youd like to draw the arrangement to a close as your circs have changed.

Get a companion and get your horse home.

Yes I just need to have a bit of a plan to have him back. It’s always been my long game - I just need to get on with it. Thank you.

Whatever you do, DON'T mention the giving him a good last few months thing. She'll be on Facebook in seconds slagging you off and will make it extremely difficult to get your horse back. Police won't help. As she is so complex, I'd keep it as nice as possible. Not because you want to be, but because I know how hard it can be when a loaner steals a horse. My friend had to fight tooth and nail to have her pony returned, the loaner moved yards twice to stay hidden. It was an absolute nightmare.
Best of luck to you, I hope you can get him home soon.

Hes not at that stage yet fortunately @ToxicChristmas hes in remarkable health for his age. He has no ailments whatsoever. He is slowing down but looks well. He could have another 5 years. But as you know he could have a turn tomorrow. He is at that age where you wouldn’t be surprised.

I know exactly what you mean, you never know, especially with horses. I think just go with the wanting him back for you to enjoy. Hopefully she'll be OK. Horse people can be a funny bunch! Seems to attract a lot of difficult people, along with some lovely ones.

Honestly if she’s not ok. She’s not in my circle and it will be a relief not to have to speak to her again. She is very intense.

Good luck OP. I think you are ready to get your horse back.

I wonder why she's selling the stuff?
Perhaps she's skint and needs the money? Or isn't using the stuff - in which case she should be asking you if you want it back. Not selling it!!

Message her as a pp said and ask her to refrain from selling your stuff and go see her and check on your horse soon.

I'd be starting to make plans now to get your horse back as it's all just sounds crap. Especially if she doesn't have the money now to look after him properly.

@Elieza she has pleaded poverty from
the moment I met her, but her lifestyle and assets suggest very differently. If she was so skint she needed to sell the items she has she most definitely cannot afford a horse. Nevermind the four she has.

I think she isn’t using it and is having a clear out. My stuff is amongst other items. One item I’ve had since I bought the horse and I just really liked him in it so I was really disappointed to see it’s sold. I don’t know she realises I can see the posts.

Do you have a loan agreement OP? I was the loanee of my first horse, and she came with a contract which included returning to owner. I can’t advise on how that pans out, as I actually bought the horse off her after 8 years but the agreement we had was signed by both parties.

Yes. I listed every single item. I am so disappointed I have done a search and have found several listings and she’s also encouraged people to message her re other similar items which will be mine too. Most were sold last year so I am too late. I just stumbled on a post today.

It sounds like she just thinks that she’s had him and his stuff for so long that she actually owns him / has the right to do whatever she wants .

What’s worse is she asked me to collect my saddle as I was worried she was going to sell it to finance a new one. She said did I want to collect it - the insinuation she would otherwise sell it. It’s all around the same time so I could have taken it. She’s made a couple of hundred quid by the looks of it.

I suggest you just drop her a note to say that you are planning on taking the horse back and all the items. Just attach a copy of the agreement and mention that they are listed here

Realistically the cost of the items pails in insignificance to the cost of keeping the horse - but I think she has behaved very dishonestly and have no doubt her intention was to make a few quid.