Loanee selling my stuff

[ZestofCoffee]

A bit of an AIBU? I’m not going to do anything about it, the lady who has my horse on loan is cantankerous at best. I have an elderly horse who has been on loan for a number of years. I have owned him for over 20 years. I loaned him because I wanted to safeguard his future and felt he was better in a home where he was still in light work than not being ridden at all with me.

Loanee takes good care of the horse so I have overlooked all the other bits. They are very arrogant and difficult to deal with. Fall out with everyone - banned from FB groups etc for their obnoxious opinions. Its very difficult for me to visit because he’s a considerable distance away (I decided this was ok on balance because it was a good home) and because the loanee has made it clear my children aren’t welcome - I parent mostly alone and it’s very difficult to travel the distance within the constraints of childcare. I see the horse once or twice a year. But stay in regular contact.

Anyway - to the point I sent the horse with a full and extensive wardrobe, basically because I had no other use for it and had no plans to sell him (and still don’t and wanted to ensure he has the most comfortable existence possible. I have seen recently that the loanee is selling items of mine on Facebook. I know they won’t replace them - I had also seen my stuff on their other horses.

I’m just a bit pissed off - if they don’t want it they should offer it back. Not profit from it. My horse had a value at the time they loaned him and they’ve had a bloody good deal. For less than £100 I don’t think them should be selling items - if space is an issue let me know I’ll collect.

She’s not in Kent is she ?

I wpuld do it now.

Say you can faclitate him at home now and you have made the decision to retire him . you want him to live out his retirement at home

Tell her you will.collect him on x date with all his belongings you lent to her. (Name some of the things you have seen advertised)

Thank her for giving him a wonderful home md say how grateful you re

Any luck OP. Tbh I think you were mistaken not to get him back at the first sign of batshittery but hindsight is a great thing! Get your horse back asap. Be nice and explain you kiss him, unable to visit and your circumstances have changed so you wish to enjoy him yourself. Tackle anything else later after you have him. Good luck and keep us updated

She sounds horrendous OP. You need to get him back asap, I'd be very concerned about how difficult she will make it though.

If you give her notice, it sounds like there's a huge risk she will move him or otherwise bar you from access, so I'd suggest arranging a visit and turning up with transport.

You mention access is difficult, if you arrived in a lorry could she prevent you from getting onto the property? Is there a risk she would become aggressive? I would certainly take someone with you when you do this.

You'll have to be prepared that she will probably slander your name all over social media, but I don't think there's any way to avoid it whilst getting your horse back.

Keep us posted @ZestofCoffee

Also wondering if OP had any luck.

I'm afraid you may not get your horse back.

So I don’t want to be too specific but we had been trying to secure a purchase of some land, had to wait, we weren’t successful despite offering way over asking. We have some land at home but not much, so we’d need stables. I’ve enquired with our local planning dept and their turnaround for simple planning applications is 17m (or rather they said that’s how long some people have been waiting). I don’t want to put stables on skids as if I have them I want to do a proper job. We have one neighbour who I can imagine reporting us for lack of planning out of spite.

I have approached neighbours re buying their land (we are quite remote) and we are waiting on some responses. We have been trying to buy land for 4 years now! Really want him at home so I can actually enjoy him rather than livery - my concern with livery is having the kids with me. I want it to be a safe space for them too which a commercial livery often isn’t. But he’s a steady horse and I’d make sure the companion was too.

I don’t want to be too hasty and move him into livery just to move him again, as despite loanee selling my stuff he is settled and I don’t have enough land to support them (him plus companion) living out all winter. I thought if we had a sale agreed I could move him home, without stables, knowing I had more land secured to move to in the winter. I don’t want to spend £10k on stables on skids at home if we manage to acquire some land.

I still think my hand might be forced soon by loanee attempting to move him. Which is fine. At the moment I’m just trying to get some bloody grass. Honestly it’s like hens teeth.

Land is bloody expensive at the moment

Please go and get him back, don't delay while you try to buy land. Turn him out on the land you have now and start looking for livery for winter if you don't manage to secure more land. Livery might not be ideal but you will be free from this woman and your horse and stuff will be safe.

You have allowed her to treat you like a doormat and you now need to be strong and secure your horse. You should never accept restrictions on your ability to visit a horse you own.

Yes. I am really struggling to visit. I wanted to go next week but darent take my 5 year old (who is no issue) after lady making it very clear to me she wasn’t comfortable with children…! It’s already a race against time - trip is 5 hour round trip, before any traffic so you’ll appreciate you can’t do it in a normal school day.

The reason I haven’t just stuck him at home is he won’t live alone. I need a companion but then I’d have to also put a companion on livery - although I have considered a small companion, who is happy to live alone, might be ok on the land over winter. We have just over an acre.

My DH has been saying “just wait for X” and he is also committed to bring him home. We have just been trying to line it all up.

I did say last week shall we just put these stables up and take any enforcement action on the chin..! Tbh DH is a risk taker and not at all bothered.

@HaystackHair developers just land bank. We can’t compete.

Just want to add it’s nothing my children have done. One has visited once and I briefed him that he must behave and I’d buy him a toy on the way home. She apparently isn’t comfortable about kids and animals (?) despite being my horse and my child…

Blue Cross and other rescue charities can loan you a companion. A friend had one through the Dartmoor Hill Pony society. That means you can send the companion back to the charity if you need to move to livery.

Take the kids and have them sit in the vehicle with a toy/ipad while you speak to her. If she kicks off then the quickest way to get rid of the kids is to give you the horse and the stuff. If she doesn't like it she can call the police.

Then perhaps she should have thought twice about loaning from someone with children! You're the one doing her the favour, mainly, so the onus is on her to accommodate you.

That’s part of my issue - it’s too far to travel and expect them not to get out once we’re there. Just to turn around and go home! Will sort it when we collect him that kids don’t need to come.

So stop off somewhere ten minutes before you arrive for a loo stop, snack and leg stretch.

If necessary stop briefly on the way back too, although I appreciate you won't want to stop for long with the horse on board.

OP in all honesty get your horse home before he disappears.

Personally if you know she is going to be difficult don’t mention that you know she has sold your stuff - leave that for another day or when he is loaded in the box ready to leave.

Also an acre is fine for one horse and a small pony- why do you need stables so much?

I would fence off a ‘yard area ‘ and chuck a field shelter up on skids then put mud control mats down so you have an all weather area for them to stand on. You can hate off the field sheyto make 2 stables

You could look into a temporary field shelter for now beauty being its summer to avoid the permanent structure captured in planning intermediately. You can always do a retrospective planning app for stable or tick 'has works started' on the planning portal, would probs sort out reinforcing the gateways (not woodchip as it just churns the ground up) as our gates are still bog

It sounds to me like she thinks you've given her the horse. Or as the Instagrammers like to say incorrectly "gifted"

She thinks that horse is hers now and by selling the items on fb, where you'll likely see the posts, she was testing the waters. You didn't say anything, so that's confirmed it for her. She thinks you're a doormat and that she's got herself a free horse, just has to pay to maintain him. Jackpot!