Buying the next horse up... who is right?

[Ponymom]

Petite 12 yo daughter is ready to move on from her somewhat ploddy,
somewhat naughty pony cob. We are both short. I however am 11st, I'd love to be 10st but that ship has sailed I suspect, despite my best of efforts. Therefore I am not a lightweight rider and my riding is best described as "confident novice" perhaps. All of my time and money goes into dd. She has been riding 3 years.
She is doing well.

I cannot afford two horses, neither do I have the time to do so. Sadly we are not fortunate enough to be keeping them "at home " as so many seem to, just very very normal people, sadly not a endless amount of money.

It's time to buy the next size along and I feel it makes sense to buy something I can also ride.

Dd is up in arms. Not because she doesn't want to share - and to be clear, it would be her horse, but I'd like to hack/school on occasion and be able to exercise it if she were to fall ill, be away with school or whatever else.

It's because she doesn't want to go any bigger than what she has. She has convinced herself that anything above a 14hh will be too big - this makes no sense, she's ridden up to 15hh and doesn't look too small, despite being short. So it's a confidence thing. Current pony is 13hh.

I've said fine. If you feel that strongly, we'll find you a share and i will purchase myself something and you can grow into it when ready.

Frankly I'm sick of working my ass off to pay for and spending what feels like all day every day* at the yard and I get no riding out of it. I've accepted it thus far and enjoyed watching them bloom together but I want in now.

She says she doesn't want to go back to sharing, set days etc as we did prior to owning and wants me to buy her something she feels suits her even if I can't ride.

For reference I'm thinking 14.3 Connie cross with some good bone that will be a good all rounder. Certainly no bigger than 15h so that daughter can keep balance and but realistically with my weight it can't be smaller than 14.2 and whilst I wouldn't put her on a super weight carrier for sake of jumping and wanting something nimble, there must be something for both of us?

Or am I being selfish. Do I put myself aside another few years? No shares at our yard for me sadly.

Be kind, I'm aware this could read as spoilt child/selfish mom, which isn't the case at all... but I'm unsure what to do.

Thanks.

*mild exaggeration perhaps 😉

14.3 Connie cross with some good bone sounds great, or if you can find one I’d go for a patchy cob. You can get cobs with real spring for jumping, that are also great for hacking and schooling. One at a local pony club wins every jump off, much to the annoyance of the owners of the v fancy ponies!

Is it possible to show her ponies that are suitable for both of you without talking about whether you will actually ride them? If she likes then you could go back and try them for yourself when she is at school?
I know this is subterfuge but it’s an expensive hobby and clearly something you love too.

I think she's probably ready for a 14.2 at 12 years old. I wouldn't go bigger if she's nervous, although my tall 12 year old was on her sisters 17hh at that age!

I think it's a bit unfair to insist you get a share. You could lose some weight and then ride the 14.2?

Unless you really want to splash the cash you'll struggle to find a nice natured connemara Cross around 15hh.

Also at that age she probably wants a more whizzy jumping pony, not a weight carrier small horse she shares with her mum.

Similar situation here although my daughter is still sharing. I'd like to buy something in the next year, daughter 12yo average size.
I can't afford two as already have one retired.
No way will I be buying my daughter something I can't ride and I'm 5'9"/13stone so can't go below 15.2.
You're paying for it all so why shouldn't you get to ride?!

Could you get a 13.2 for DD on loan and buy a 14.3 Connie x for you, I bet you any amount of money in 6 months DD will want to be riding the 14.3 and the loan pony can go back. If not then she'll grow out of it anyway While you will initially have 2 (which I know you said you didn't want) get a sharer for the 14.3 to help with time/costs, and if that's not enough get another sharer for the pony.

I agree, it's probably nerves about making the transition talking albeit expressing itself as mildly bratty behaviour, welcome to the teem years! She'll very likely have a growth spurt in the next few years and would be good to get something that will do her for a good few years now and ideally can then stay with you as your riding horse rather than a smaller pony that will only have to be sold again. That being said, (a) have you seen how much safe, reliable mother/daughter share Connie crosses with good bone at around the 14.3/15hh mark are selling for these days, we really are talking silly money and even with a healthy budget they sell v quickly, you might need to adjust your expectations re type (b) at only 3 years riding she is still in reality fairly novice and it is all about confidence at this stage, which is a funny old thing, some horses ride much bigger and others more pony-like, some you just feel safe and balanced on and others not, despite what you look like on the ground so whilst I do think you're right, rather than arguing more can you reassure her you def won't be buying anything she feels unsafe on, and to at least try some slightly bigger ones, maybe around 14hh - TBh so many sellers don't measure their horses properly you can turn up to look at an advertised 14hh and it be anywhere from 12.2 to 16hh anyway so you can tell her a few white lies here and there maybe😂

Horses of any size can be an expensive hobby. Would you think of even getting something like what you have in mind on loan for a while to see if it suits you both? I have a 15.2 cob who is a bit of a plod and my 14 yo daughter would love a horse of her own but that's not an option right now. Much as she enjoys riding and I would love to get her something else I just don't have that option right now. I think it's a matter of trying to have a very very frank and open conversation with your daughter to see what your options are and plans for what she would like to do in the future. Good luck with whatever you choose......as mums of kids that love riding its a hard choice to have to make and everyone here has all got very valid reasons/answers from whatever background we all come from x

What if you bought her the new one and you had a share in another? That way the cost of the second horse is shared amongst all owners.

Is she planning on competing in BSJA? If so, aren't there height restrictions in Juniors? So you can't really go above 148cm for your new pony.

A few years ago, we had a 14.3 warmblood x new forest that myself, my then teenage daughter and my 8 year old shared. And my then 8 year old was (and still is) very short for her age- she's barely over 5ft now and she's 14. She wasn't an overly confident rider either and she still coped with him.

Your daughter will be absolutely fine, on a 14.3/15hh at 12 even if she's not very tall as long as it's the right horse. Take her to try some that are suitable for both of you, she'll find the right one, fall in love, and will eventually be very glad that you can keep it ticking over work wise in a couple of years when she'd rather spend the occasional weekend seeing friends or has too much homework etc.

If your 12 yr old wants to compete then she needs a pony suitable for that not a mum / daughter share . IME it would be easier to find a horse for you to share than a pony for your daughter to share / compete on .

I agree with this. Whereas our 14.2 cob is perfect for a mother/daughter share, my daughter's competition pony definitely is not. She's also 14.2 but a sensitive jumping pony not really suitable for leisurely strolls with someone bigger than a teenager.

I missed out the pony stage completely as I was 5ft 6 at 12 so my first horse was 15.2hh!

But the OP hasn't mentioned competing at all, never mind BSJA or something height sensitive, just that the DD is ready to move on from the very steady first pony. I don't think there's a need to get carried away with the idea the DD needs a 'competition' pony - if she's only been riding 3 years I'd imagine if she wants/is ready to compete at all then it would be more along the lines of PC/RC teams or unaffiliated prelim/novice dressage or 70/80cm showjumping or hunter trials, which would be well within the scope of a 14.2ish native or cob x type with a bit of go I would have thought, you certainly see plenty of those types on the PC circuit round here anyway. Not every keen kid has or would even want a high blood sports pony (OP says her DD can be a little nervy so potentially wouldn't be a good idea to get one of those even if there wasn't the complication of the need for mother/daughter share)....

So did I , I was 5’8” at 11 and our first horse was a 16.1 Hh ex race horse , but the OP does say her daughter is petite .

Thanks All, sorry for late reply. We've been viewing all day today more absolutely fucking waste of times why, oh why, can no one be straight when selling? Such a waste of everyone's time.

Anyways. To address a few points; dd currently competing unaff dressage prelim. Enjoys but she hankers to showjump. This has been restricted due to our facilities access (dressage yard) we have no transport at present.

She would love to bsja but definitely isn't capable yet. Yes I agree, albeit riding 3 years she's a sweet little rider but naughty pony builds her up and then pulls her down regularly! He really is a giant (but loveable) twat. He's actually not remotely a first pony and fell into our laps. He's done her very good despite it all. It means she copes well with napping, rearing etc but it's the unpredictable nature that throws her off. Copes well when it happens but can be on edge anticipating and pony is very fickle with as and when he behaves or doesn't. No rhyme or reason
Typical welshie.

I think you're right. I'm not capable/suited to what she needs.

Unfortunately there are no shares for me. Its not that sort of yard (think very precious dressage horses!) And I don't want to be across two yards.

I think I accept I'm not going to be able to ride and let her follow her dreams.

Horse prices are insane aren't they. I thought a 15k budget would be okay. Not so, apparently.

Yes I'd say she is petite/short. Highly doubt she'll be much taller than 5'3/4 when adult.

What you want is a highland pony. With 15k to spend you can get a nice, sporty version and most of them are happy to pootle around hacking. But at 12 with only 3 years riding I wouldn't be spending 15. I'd spend 5 or 6k on something that will do PC/RC, hack out and have lessons with mum and just generally a good sort. In the nicest possibly way, 15k is probably wasted on a 12 year old still relatively novice rider that hasn't even tried BSJA yet.

My highland is 14h, I am 13st and she carries me easily but also my 8 year old son rides. I'm 5ft 5in and she definitely looks and rides bigger. But still very pony for ds.

I think 15K is a very big budget for what you want. You can buy two for that budget. Where are you looking?

I think you are in great danger of putting your daughter off completely. Not everyone needs or even likes riding a bigger pony. Many adults happily ride and compete on smaller natives and have great fun

Also, the smaller ponies often jump BIG

It's such a minefield. And as I'm sure you're all aware, everyone has an opinion. I feel sort of at a loss with it all.

Would love to not spend 15k tbh. Sub 8 would be wonderful but I can't find anything decent. Although 15k is, I agree, a great (perhaps excessive for what we are asking of a pony) budget. Unfortunately it's then ongoing livery costs/day to day keeping that makes 2 unmanageable for me. As we know, the initial purchase is the cheapest part of owning!

I don't want to be the mom that overhorses her child and ends up ruining the love for it. At the end of the day it's supposed to be fun isn't it?

I'll let it go. Focus on her. There is a sweet little showjumping pony that will do the job coming up via our PC, thank you all for helping me see that it is me that should relent really.

Am curious about a Highland though! Off to Google and whickr just incase the unicorn I search for does exist 🤣

OP your budget is big even in today's market. We have recently bought my daughter's show jumper and we're at a jumping yard where kids/teenagers are constantly buying new horses. If you need help I can pm you our yard owner's name. She has a very good eye for kids' ponies, especially jumping ponies.

For reference I'm thinking 14.3 Connie cross with some good bone that will be a good all rounder. Certainly no bigger than 15h so that daughter can keep balance and but realistically with my weight it can't be smaller than 14.2 and whilst I wouldn't put her on a super weight carrier for sake of jumping and wanting something nimble, there must be something for both of us?

I think you're fixating a bit too much on height. How tall are you both? A 14.1 section d cross or sporty or medium weight cob who is more than capable of being athletic, will take up the leg and carry more weight easily than a connie type (who ime can be quirky)

Eek just seen your budget - there is definitely something available. I've just spent 2k on a little Welsh/cob cross that me and dc 9 and 13 can ride. Very green but loads of potential. I don't think a highland is suitable for anyone considering a bs career though.