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Do you let other people ride your horse?
54

Alloalloallo · 26/11/2019 19:09

A friend keeps nagging me to let her DD ride my DD’s pony, I got a bit fed up with being nagged, and now we’ve had a bit of a falling out.

Pony was abused way back in the past, every time she’s clipped her scars are uncovered and DD breaks her heart. DD is super protective of her and only ever let’s very close, trusted friends ride her.

Pony is a total love, she’s safe as houses really, DD just doesn’t want friend’s DD to ride her

I think that’s fair enough.

I’ve had a fair bit of nagging from friend, and other mutual friends about it, that I should have a word with my daughter about how selfish and unkind she is, that DD should get over herself, she is extremely privileged and not all children are so lucky.

DD is very lucky (and DD is fully aware of just how lucky she is) but I don’t think that means she should let people ride her pony if she doesn’t want them to

I’m sticking to my guns, it’s DD’s choice and she’s said no, but I was just wondering to myself really if other people got stick like this?

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lastqueenofscotland · 26/11/2019 22:51

I put a post on AIBU about this.
I exercise a yard of competition horses for some extra ££ and some woman kept bugging me to let her preteen daughter ride them.
These were fully fit eventers competing at a high level. They’d have had this girl for breakfast.
People feel weirdly entitled to other people’s horses.

Stick to your guns.

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Flymetothetoon · 26/11/2019 22:57

It's your DD's pony and of course she shouldn't feel that she has to let any Tom dick or Harry ride it. Stick to your guns

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Claricethecat45 · 26/11/2019 23:11

I was exactly like your daughter once - very protective about my pony but i did realise that it would actually be kind to let my pony mad friends whose family couldn't stretch to regular huge amounts of money - to buy and keep a pony - so actually i recall being pleased to let occasional friends have a sit.

I know it is your daughters prerogative to choose - but wouldn't it be just generous - to let a keen friend have a little sit and maybe for your daughter to 'supervise' ? And for you to encourage this generosity? Not everyone has the opportunity and privilege ? But accept it is your /your daughter's choice

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mclover · 26/11/2019 23:11

How old are the DDs? Is the friends DD an accomplished and respectful rider? Is the pony used to being ridden by anyone else? Would you /DD be present when it might occur? Is the expectation it would be a regular thing?

Not enough info for me!

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MrsFoxPlus4Again · 26/11/2019 23:16

I’m siding with your daughter. She is protective of her abused pony. Nobody needs to have a word with her, no means no.

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Hopingtobeamum · 26/11/2019 23:31

In my experience I've had horses I don't mind others riding but my super star horses or ones that are nervous or perhaps a bit unpredictable, no way at all.
I don't give a flying fu&k what some precious child or their parents say. No way. If I'm in the slightest bit unsure it's a definite no, that's my choice and I stick to it and for very good reason.

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StylishMummy · 27/11/2019 08:54

I would say that friend wouldn't be asking to ride DD's bike or sleep in her bed, or walk her dog. Why does she feel the right to ride her pony? Your daughters choice, also mention liability and experience of the pony

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maxelly · 27/11/2019 09:38

I let others ride my 2 who are both also rescues/from dodgy backgrounds, I do think it is important for every horse/pony that they are occasionally ridden by people other than their owner, for me (especially at my somewhat advanced stage of live) it's crucial that should I for any reason be unable to ride/keep them, they have secure futures and the possibility of a good, useful home with someone else, and since mine are hairy pony types, in their case that is most likely as a kids/family pony. So for that reason (once they are at a suitable stage in their schooling), I do 'borrow' an experienced/sensible child to have a sit on them pretty regularly, one of them does PC and local comps every so often with a friend's kids (the other isn't quite ready for that but will hopefully get there), plus also my instructor rides them on occasion. I've also let my novice DH have a bumble around on a lead rein (although I discovered one of them really dislikes being on a lead rein, she found the whole experience perplexing so won't repeat it!), and would probably do the same again (with the mare that is good on the LR, not the one that isn't!) if a novice friend asked me nicely. I view it as all good experience in the bank for the ponies so it's for their benefit too.

However I wouldn't have dreamt of doing it when I first had them and they were still stressed out by their whole circumstances and very green in their schooling. This girl and her mum sound pretty bratty in their demands so I certainly wouldn't feel obliged if your judgement says it won't help the pony. As PP says a pony isn't a bike or a playstation, and even so it's up to your DD how and when she 'shares'...

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Alloalloallo · 27/11/2019 11:14

Thanks all

DD is 15, friend’s DD is 10

Friend’s DD has had a few lessons over the summer - but according to friend is super talented.

DD has never seen her ride, has no idea of her ability.

DD does let her close and trusted friends ride her - she has a little group of mates at our yard - but she knows their riding and trusts them with her pony

I suspect friend is angling for it to become a regular thing, a bumble around the school on a lead rein with DD is not what they’re after.

Pony was very nervous when we first got her and it took quite a while for her to settle. Now she’s a total sweetheart and her and DD adore each other.

Safety-wise, I’d never say any pony was 100%, but she’s never done anything to scare me

Last night DD offered for friend’s DD to come up the yard just to meet her, groom her, etc, but they don’t want to if they can’t ride

But yeah, they never want to share the dog, or her bike - or the bills/mucking out/etc. Just the fun bits

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Toddlerteaplease · 27/11/2019 11:30

Meeting her and grooming her seems a good compromise. If your DD then feels more comfortable then maybe she could let her ride. But at the end of the day it's HER pony and is fully within her rights to say no.

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HypatiaCade · 27/11/2019 11:38

So if you had an Audi, and your friend didn't have a car at all, would you feel obliged to let your friend borrow your Audi because having an Audi is a really privileged position to be in??!!

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TaxFool · 27/11/2019 11:41

I was going to suggest a visit to meet and groom horse, but I see they've rejected that idea, so I conclude that they are rude and grabby. Continue saying no.

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OrangeZog · 27/11/2019 11:44

Stick to your guns. If they are being awkward about it now, imagine how entitled they will be once they have had a ride or two. I expect they are looking for a free loan horse.

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TipseyTorvey · 27/11/2019 11:47

Love the Audi analogy. I can't ride, no nothing about horses except they're lovely so I'd be quite happy to come and groom and pat. If my child had a friend with a pony and whined they wanted to ride it I'd give them a lesson on entitlement and the dangers of riding without training quite frankly.

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UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/11/2019 12:19

Your DD is NBU and your friend is a guilt tripping cow.

Just say no. You are teaching your DD it's okay to have boundaries.

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Moanranger · 27/11/2019 14:57

I agree COMPLETELY with your daughter.
I started riding in California & had competition equitation horses. You never lend these to anyone, as they are finely trained & a novice can set them back. I used to get requests (from the clueless) who had no understanding of this.
In the UK having multiple riders on a single horse is more common. However, we have stopped sharing DHorse as sharers inevitably screw up his training.
In your situation, I think your daughter’s approach is absolutely correct. She has no knowledge of the girl’s abilities. What if she comes off and hurts herself? This will of course be the horses fault. I would be open about saying that you only let capable riders on Dpony and that you would have to observe her walk trot and canter another horse to see if she was capable. That will put her off, I suspect.

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Trewser · 27/11/2019 15:00

Just say she bucks. That's what i did when a woman in the village kept pestering me to let her granddaughter "have a lesson"(??!) on my 16.3 eventer!

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PineappleTart · 27/11/2019 15:07

Seriously what kind of friend keeps nagging, she's been told no. She's been offered a compromise and refuses it. Uh.

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ReallyRatherBlonde · 27/11/2019 15:09

I'd say no, she has her reasons and they're perfectly valid. I'm extremely picky about who rides mine, with not half as good a reason as your daughter. And as the friends daughter said no to coming up and grooming etc as she's not interested if she can't ride then definitely no! What an entitled brat!

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Trewser · 27/11/2019 15:15

I'll never forget reading that story about somone who fell off a friends horse, ended up paralysed then sued the friend and won 😲

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TuttiCutie · 27/11/2019 15:16

I know nothing about horses.

But given that your offer of coming to meet the horse and help out a little has been refused - your friend and her DD can sod off.

Send her a link to local riding schools websites where she can pay for her DD to ride a horse there.

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Maneandfeathers · 27/11/2019 15:30

Nope I don’t let people ride mine. Maybe the odd experienced friend who already have one of their own and who is without a pony for whatever reason but that’s it. No strangers, no riding school people or anything like that.

She costs a lot of money, why would I work hard to pay for her if someone else expects to ride a horse for free Blush

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Paddy1234 · 27/11/2019 15:33

Absolutely not. My daughter has spent two years getting the bond with her quirky spooky pony. It only takes someone kicking and yanking him to spoil it in one go.

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mclover · 27/11/2019 18:24

In that case I'd say no!

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Alloalloallo · 27/11/2019 18:45

I would be open about saying that you only let capable riders on Dpony

According to friend, the riding school have told her her DD is super talented and advanced. Apparently she was cantering off a lead rein in her 2nd lesson Hmm

Friend’s DD has only had a few lessons over the summer.

I will suggest that DD goes to watch her next lesson so she can see how her DD rides though.

I think friend is angling for some sort of free, regular ride. An occasional mooch on a lead rein with DD isn’t what she’s after

DD’s pony is an absolute sweetheart, and DD has had people on her on a lead rein, but she’s not a riding school plodder - she’s forward, DD does cross country and blood hounds with her, she’s well up for jumping.

She is quite a sensitive little soul, DD really had to earn her trust and build a bond with her so she doesn’t want to risk someone yanking at her mouth or kicking away at her

Thanks all Flowers

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