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Discuss horse riding and ownership on our Horse forum.

Original poster

Do you let other people ride your horse?

54 replies

Alloalloallo · 26/11/2019 19:09

A friend keeps nagging me to let her DD ride my DD’s pony, I got a bit fed up with being nagged, and now we’ve had a bit of a falling out.

Pony was abused way back in the past, every time she’s clipped her scars are uncovered and DD breaks her heart. DD is super protective of her and only ever let’s very close, trusted friends ride her.

Pony is a total love, she’s safe as houses really, DD just doesn’t want friend’s DD to ride her

I think that’s fair enough.

I’ve had a fair bit of nagging from friend, and other mutual friends about it, that I should have a word with my daughter about how selfish and unkind she is, that DD should get over herself, she is extremely privileged and not all children are so lucky.

DD is very lucky (and DD is fully aware of just how lucky she is) but I don’t think that means she should let people ride her pony if she doesn’t want them to

I’m sticking to my guns, it’s DD’s choice and she’s said no, but I was just wondering to myself really if other people got stick like this?

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 27/11/2019 18:47

I wouldn’t let this continue by suggesting you watch her daughter ride, you’ve done the hard but so stick to your guns! You KNOW this is going to become a problem if you allow it to continue

maxelly · 27/11/2019 19:32

Noo don't go and watch her ride, suggest she can ride if 'capable' or similar, this just invites arguments about how good a rider their kid is/how you are being bitchy denying her ammmaaazing talent Wink , and maintains the premise that she is somehow going to ride your pony at some point in the future. She isn't. She could be the next Charlotte Dujardin, the pony is yours (well Dd's) and you have said no. Any continued conversation or negotiation on this is just rude on her part, and I certainly wouldn't ever want to put your DD in the position of having to say no to them face-to-face, you can bet they'll push and push...stay strong!

leckford · 27/11/2019 19:38

Don’t let some whiney kids ride your poor pony, it is a lesson in life if you cannot afford it you can’t do it.

On a more serious note if the kids can’t ride well enough and they fall off and get injured the parents will be after you.

I have a lovely horse and only the young rider at the yard who is 100% better than me schools him

lastqueenofscotland · 27/11/2019 21:48

The chances that a pint that a 15 year old does a lot of fast jumping work on is going to be suitable for a 10 year old who’s had a few riding lessons are minimal.

Don’t entertain this by going to watch her ride.
Just say the pony wouldnt be an appropriate ride. And leave it there.

I had a similar issue with some cheeky bitch at work trying to get me to let her 12 year old novice sit on the full fit eventers, all sharp, all loads of blood, I get paid to ride.
I stopped pussy footing around and just said “no it’s not appropriate and please don’t ask me again”
The end

Original poster
Alloalloallo · 27/11/2019 21:55

Thanks!

I was going to suggest that DD comes along to her next lesson because I know she’s not actually having any at the moment. She had a few over the summer but nothing lately.

Plus, I think friend would take offence at the idea and not entertain it anyway.

I’ve told her no and that’s it as far as I’m concerned.

We’re out for dinner with a load of other friends on Friday so I’ll see if she brings it up again.

OP posts:
BanjoStarz · 28/11/2019 00:30

Oh no, no is a complete sentence.

I’m obsessively picky about who I let ride my horses...a random 10 year old who’s had a couple of lessons would not meet the grade I’m afraid. Plus, time is precious, when I’m at the stables I want to ride, not supervise someone else doing the fun bits!

Plus, your daughter has said no, so that’s that.

You already have doubts about this family so it wouldn’t be kind or generous to allow the daughter to have a little ride - it would be opening up both of you to more requests to ride, better to say no now.

Trewser · 28/11/2019 07:45

Send her details of any pony shares or loans. Then the onus is on her to explain why they don't want to shell out or do the boring bits.

Original poster
Alloalloallo · 28/11/2019 18:44

Aarrrggghhhh!

Had a message from her this morning to say her daughter has changed her mind and would like to come up and meet DD’s pony - at 2pm on Sunday

The weather is meant to be ok on Sunday so pony will be out. She’s a massive dick to catch if she doesn’t think it’s time to come in and I’m not keeping her in for the day just to they can come and play ponies, so replied to say 8am or when we go up to get her in at about 4ish.

Now I’m just being awkward apparently Hmm

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 28/11/2019 18:48

So you’re encouraging your DD, who hasn’t been U here, to go along with cheeky fucker “friend”?

Don’t: tell friend you will not be letting her DD ride the pony and to stop asking.

Loopytiles · 28/11/2019 18:49

Just tell the friend no, again.

Elliania · 28/11/2019 19:03

If you're still happy for the yard visit to go ahead then you could text:

"We will not be altering both ours & pony's routine simply to accomodate your daughter. Either she comes with us at 8am or not at all."

Or if you don't want the visit to go ahead (I'm all for this plan!)
"Since you have made it very clear that you will not accomodate ours and pony's schedule then the visit is cancelled. Do not ask about visiting or riding pony again as the answer will always be no."

Original poster
Alloalloallo · 28/11/2019 19:13

I just replied to say take it or leave it and reminded her there would be no riding.

OP posts:
Trewser · 28/11/2019 19:51

Don't you ride your pony on Sunday?

puppymouse · 28/11/2019 20:41

My DD6 has sat on my ex racer round our lanes so he's safe with me next to him.

I let my instructor get on him as much as she likes to feel how he's going or whatever and a couple of friends have ridden him briefly.

But to be honest whoever it is that gets on him, if they aren't me, his face just drops, he gets a bit fidgety and he does this whites of the eyes avoidance thing. He never does anything but he clearly worries, so I've kept quiet around conversations like that.

Vanhi · 29/11/2019 20:56

Now I’m just being awkward apparently

They do seem to see the pony as a bike or car. They're not realising that this is a living creature with its own thoughts and opinions and its own routines that it's not a good idea to disrupt.

I am very picky about who I let on my horses. My first horse was a rescue and was extremely sensitive and quite hot. I had to be careful who I let on him and tbh most people who did ride him got off again quite quickly because he was an awkward bastard and only really liked me. My current retired old boy was much more amenable and I did let trusted friends ride him. As a pp mentioned, it's good if you can because if the worst comes to the worst it helps them find another home.

The ex racehorse I ride makes her own mind up about who is or isn't allowed on her. She has quite strong opinions about the fact that some people aren't allowed on in the first place. Some people who are allowed to ride are forcefully made to get off if she takes against them. I am careful who I allow even to try. I have a bond with her and do not want to abuse or hurt that trust by letting someone who might upset her ride her.

They deserve respect. We're lucky we can ride at all - no-one gets a go just because they feel like it.

RatherBeRiding · 02/12/2019 12:38

Anybody who can ride (and I don't mean riding school lesson riding - no offence to riding schools and learner riders but you know what I mean) has always been welcome to borrow any of mine and DD's little herd. They are all well schooled and (mostly) well behaved. If you can ride.

However, novice riders or those over-estimating their ability tend to get found out very quickly.

britnay · 02/12/2019 13:49

Nope, not any more. I have a rather clever pony! I have let a few experienced HORSE riders on him, and he has decked every one of them as they are not used to his PONY tricks :o He spots them a mile off :o

StylishMummy · 06/12/2019 08:37

@Alloalloallo did the CF take you up on the grooming offer?

CountryCob · 06/12/2019 12:21

Your friend sounds like she doesn’t understand much about horses, lolls about preteen riding fit eventers at competition yard, all you can put it down to is ignorance. I am not an absolute no on others riding but extremely picky, the pony has a little lead reign borrower on a fabulous deal where I get free beauty treatment from the mother’s daughter in exchange and everyone is happy with that. Mother of lead reign extremely knowledgeable and knows yard/ locality. My horse seems straightforward but has a tendency to lean on one reign in schooling with a non perfect rider which I work hard to avoid so would not have anyone helping him along with that habit. Had a close friend ride who asked what it was and didn’t expect it I think, I said a lesson in how to manage it might help - this is an excellent well schooled competition type horse who is also well mannered and a great hack, perfect gent and I am very lucky to have him. Rider didn’t want lesson and seemed hasn’t ridden him since. We have to look out for our horses - they have no one else to, if we let someone ride then we need absolute confidence in how they will. I would much rather pay a pro than lend my horse out and mine have no history of neglect. I agree with your daughter.

hen10 · 07/12/2019 09:35

For me it would be a straight no, purely down to assessing risk. If friend fell off pony and hurt herself, and her mother decided that she needed to seek legal advice it would be an absolute nightmare. You can just explain this to the mother. The only person apart from me that I would allow to ride a horse of mine would be a professional rider with insurance. I might rethink for an adult after checking out insurance, but certainly not a child.

DookofBust · 07/12/2019 09:42

No, my mare would have chewed most folk up and spat them out. I paid my trainer to ride if I couldn’t or my best friend who was a serious eventer.

Stick to your guns.

Hellbentwellwent · 07/12/2019 14:11

alloalloallo I hope for your and Dds sake that your ‘friend’ didn’t come over today. Your friend is most definitely showing signs of CFery. Draw clear boundaries, your DD and her pony and their relationship are your priority, your DD does not have to be spoken to about sharing or whatever other bullshit your friend is laying on you, she needs to learn how to set and uphold her own boundaries and be supported doing so. Stick to your guns

apacketofcrisps · 07/12/2019 14:34

I think you should allow your daughter the right to say no and be backed up by her mum.

crosstalk · 07/12/2019 14:58

I would sheerly check out insurance on letting anyone ride an equine I owned. Even really experienced riders. You don't want to be fighting in court if you haven't met the terms of insurance.

And this is just a ten year old daughter of a friend who's had a few lessons and whose ability is currently only judged on that friend's say-so. And who initially didn't want to meet and help groom/feed (but check the insurance again).

FloreanFortescue · 07/12/2019 15:33

Who the hell thinks they can call the shots on someone else's beloved pony?

That'd be the end of it for me.

Try "DD has changed her mind as it's clear your DD isn't willing to respect her decision. Perhaps you can ask someone else."

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