How can there be no school for DS... (and what can we do re appeals/

[drspouse]

DS was in MS without an EHCP (told he had an MLD and to move him to generic specialist school) then MS with a v poor EHCP they weren't following (small school, 5 TAs per week, PEx, went to PRU in Jan 2020.
First 12 weeks went well, go ahead and look for another MS.
Then lockdown and he did 2 years of maths in 6 months and was OK on the days he was in because he was the only one there.
Then got really really scared of being in class - several very aggressive boys (which makes him aggressive and also makes him refuse class).
Now Y5. Has been kept in Y3/4 class (because the Y5 will "eat him alive"). Now in class most of the time.

No MS will take him. No RP units nearby. Awaiting call back from MS school due to start RP in a year in case they will take him now.

All independent specialist schools have either nonverbal/very low functioning children or else the same type of child who is in current Y5/6 i.e. v streetwise, traumatised, and deeply scary to DS.

Has ADHD. "Failed" 4 ASD screening tests. I suppose I could do another one and lie and get a private diagnosis but SALT says she only sees traits so not a given so can't be sure he'd get a place in ASD RP or school.

We think that MS with small school size, taught partly in small groups and partly in class with experienced 1:1 would be best (if no possible RP).

Best of the poor SEMH choice doesn't think they can meet need.
All MS schools say "but he's not in class full time".
He plays happily at church youth group and Cubs with a group unless it's too noisy. At school he won't even go on the playground.

How are all the schools able to say they won't take him? It just seems like he's being refused due to the adults not wanting to adjust to him, or they say "he's already failed at two MS so no" which seems to me to be saying "we plan to PEx him again".

Have found a great secondary school but again they seem to want him in class full time.

We were at the point where we wanted him MS because we wanted him to be able to have local friends (most SEMH schools are up to an hour away and almost no children come from our area) and because we wanted him to learn socialisation from children who don't have social communication problems, and because we wanted him at a school with a higher average number of GCSEs than 1.5.
We now want him in MS so he doesn't have to spend his days "being eaten alive". We have been told no by a couple of MS schools because they are one form entry and have a similar child(ren) in the same year. That is sensible but yet we are supposed to choose a school with 100% children of whom he will be scared.

He has no actual friends and because he keeps getting rejected he says he doesn't want any. If he was going to make friends at the SEMH schools he would have done so at the PRU where most of his previous class was also in since before lockdown.

How can all the schools refuse to take him? They just seem to be able to wave the magic "can't meet needs" wand and expect another school to take over.

LEA is worse than useless (they are currently trying to persuade us to take OT off his EHCP and just say "computer says no"). Won't even ring the two new RP schools for us ("but they haven't built anything yet... Erm the city Victorian school with a huge under used building is not building anything).

Sorry to clutter up Staffroom and thank you if you have read this far but my SENCO friend says maybe try the MP, or appealing (when he left the first MS we thought we never wanted him in a school that didn't want him but now we just want him SOMEWHERE). She thinks that mainstream with a 1:1 can work well.
Just wondering about admissions processes (appeals, complaints etc) and thought this might be better than the SEN boards.

We have asked what the Virtual Head does and the PASW had no idea and the Virtual Head said "oh I see you have a SENDO and have you heard of SENDIASS" and refused to answer any more questions.

@drspouse, here is a really straightforward link from the AdoptionUK website about the responsibilities of the Virtual School, with specific reference to adopted children.

www.adoptionuk.org/news/adopted-children-receive-extra-support-in-school

To be honest, I think you would be better off posting your query on the AdoptionUK forum, as there are many very experienced posters who will have had similar experiences of schools and the education system. No disrespect to anyone here, but I am confident you will get some very specific, insightful and adoption-related help and expertise over there.

I've asked on the main adopters FB group and some areas have a Virtual Head who actually does something but in most it's like mine (signposting to universal services).
We did get given a leaflet once which I think we were supposed to share with school who would go EUREKA.

Not much further on but had a "how can they treat you like that??" response from one school which makes us feel at least validated!
We do need some legal advice on one out-of-county RP and I'm not quite sure where to get that from.

Update: apparently the LEA have been sending random non-EHCP documents to schools, which may be why schools are saying they can't meet imaginary needs?
The LEA case worker thinks it's up to us to discuss these with schools.
I'm running out of hands to facepalm with.

Your LEA has some very funny ideas! In my authority ( and I have also assumed to be general practice!) the school sends out the EHCP and a form to complete. If you can meet need, you just say so. If you believe you can't , you have to go through each expected outcome in Section E and each intervention in Section F in the EHCP and say why it is impossible for you to meet them. We don't have any contact with the parents unless we are named and a child placed.

🤦
The EP report that was sent out was from the absolute worst EP, is 2 years old and says that he will be on red book band by the end of year 6.
I found my copy with ranty notations including that several of the exclusions were illegal.

Have written to LEA to say they mustn't send this out and they must tell schools it's inaccurate. Advice has been that I need to refute it line by line (I noticed it also says "in Y1 he did X" which given he's in Y5 seems a bit... pointless...) but we have a much better OT report that paints a really good picture of him so we have said they should send that out.
I don't think they can send something out if we don't give permission... can they?

They told us about the docs they send to independent schools, which sounds much more like your list, spaniel, only anonymised. They have sent them to 4 schools, only three of which we'd actually seen and two of which we would not consider. One of them is all boys and we have told the LEA we won't consider single sex so why they sent that I have no idea. That is the one where they told us they had Y6 pupils who'd pulled knives on their teachers. So yeah, immature and scared DS is going to do EVER so well in that environment - not.

Why is this in the staffroom?

Because teachers know about education, and only SEN parents inhabit the SN boards.

Definitelynotanathlete
There's lots of staff here who are willing to help drspouse and share our varied experiences, for better or worse.

And very kind of you it is too.

Update, not at all positive I'm afraid.
MS school that was due to have the RP invited us for a visit (knowing he's not in the classroom that much), said they'd go and see him at the PRU (ditto, ditto) and now say "we don't have room for him to be out of the classroom a lot of the time".
We saw another very distant independent specialist which says it's full to the gills, the SENDO is still pushing it.
The only other independent specialist we were slightly considering, we made another return visit to to check if we really didn't like it - and we didn't - and then there was a second major safeguarding incident involving that school reported in the local press (both incidents went to court) so we have said no.
SENDO has said "he needs to move, he hates the PRU" and "he can't move now because you can't move a child who is going into Y6" and "he needs to move into an all-through school" and "I don't know of any all-through schools that would be suitable" and "give me the list of schools you have ruled out" and also "we will definitely find a school for him" (after we've looked at every school within an hour...).

So that's no use at all, but I just thought I'd update.

We are beginning to look at secondaries, there are more secondaries available but every single one has a 0% GCSE pass rate and is also largely full of overly-mature (he still takes teddies to school) and very aggressive and triggering children with SEMH, or else is a mainstream that won't take him (even in their RP) because he doesn't meet their criteria.

This is an old thread but a bit of an update.
DS moved in June to an all-through school though to call it an all-through school is a bit of a misnomer - it's age 10-16.
He was the only Y5 and now as far as I can work out he's the only Y6 in his classroom (possibly the only Y6 in the school).
The school has lovely grounds, loads of animals, loads of space, and he's been playing football at break which is a step forward.
However inside the school (old echoey house) is chaos a lot of the time. Pupils never in classrooms when we visit. Chaos in assembly hall when I asked to see his classroom. Chaos in corridors with pupils running around/running away.
It all seems to be babysitting and no pupil got over a 4 on a GCSE last year (a parent who's a friend said one got one solitary 5 or possibly 6 this year).
Assumption is that pupils don't like Maths (DS loves it and forges ahead on his own).
DH is really reluctant to have him much further away (there is one academic SEMH school an hour away and one two hours away, both do boarding but I don't want him boarding, at least not yet).
This school is WAY WAY more noisy and chaotic than any mainstream I've ever been in which were supposedly too noisy and chaotic for him.
And while he may be coping now, he isn't doing any academic work and I worry he will be worn down by the environment and cease to cope (or just plain copy the other pupils). For context him not coping looks like what he was doing at the start of his placement (running around outside/hiding/refusing to go into class/refusing to even go into the same space outside as other children/some throwing, hitting, and kicking). Other pupils run off from the school, or run around madly in the corridors, or shout/swear/hit/kick/throw when they are distressed.