Boy in Y4 obsessing with other children

[Auxurdeu]

I need some help understanding the behaviour of a boy in my class, and how to help him.

Last year he started fixating on a new girl in his class. He would always want to play with her, always sit next to her, and he would tell her he loved her, and try to kiss her. She did not like his attention, and kept trying to move away. He would follow her at every break time. In the beginning she was ok to play with him, but then it got a bit much for her and she got fed up. She told him to stop annoying her, and she told him he was not allowed to kiss her, but he did not listen.
We told him he had to respect her boundaries and give her space. He argued saying he was just being friendly, and would not listen to adults telling him that it was not friendly when the girl did not want the attention, and that the behaviour was not appropriate for school. We had several action plans for him to not follow her around asking her to play, and nothing really worked. She moved away due to family circumstances. His behaviour returned to normal and he played like usual with the boys in his class. In spring a new girl joined the class, and the behaviour started up again, but to a lesser degree. The girl ignored him, and generally did not respond to him at all. She turned her back at him and just got on with playing with the other girls. She moved at the end of the school year.

Now, I am overseas and school is back. One week in, and he has two new obsessions in the year above. In the beginning they responded favourably to him, he was just a boy trying to make friends, and they showed him kindness and attention. It soon escalated. At meal times he is seeking them out and sits opposite and just stares at them. He is following them around every play time. He is blowing kisses constantly, waving at them joining them in conversations. He wears them out by repeatedly saying "you are so pretty", or "will you marry me". He has kissed one of them on the lips, and she was very upset because he had threatened to do it, and she had said no dont do it, but he disrespected this. He has been told to respect their boundaries, been told it is not ok to behave this way, he has been told to stop blowing kisses and all the other things he is doing, because they dont like it. They have told him this himself, and teachers have told him. He just smiles and says "but they should like it because I am just being friendly". I have tried turning the tables and ask how he would feel if somebody did this to him, he replied that he would like it a lot.
During a chat we had he asked what he could do if not following them around asking to play, and I said it was ok for him to just smile and say "hello" to them. After we had finished talking he instantly walked over to them and said "hello" repeatedly while waving his hand. When they walked off, he followed, and he kept saying "hello". Well, I did tell him he could say hello....

How can we best deal with this? I feel completely at loss as I have not encountered anything like this before. Our senco has referred him for evaluation, but that can take a while, so what strategies can we use meanwhile?
He seems to have low emotional intelligence, low self-regulation, he seems to lack social skills and understanding of social codes and norms, and have very little empathy. Any ideas of resources that could help teach him the social competences he seems to need?

Tell him he is not to have anything to do with them. Honestly, if this was my daughter, id be furious. Have you called his parents/guardians in? This is really serious behaviour - it's harassment.

I agree with the pp. This boy is sexually harassing these poor girls. He needs to be completely separated from them. What are the girls' parents saying about this?

My first thought was what do his parents say about it?

Does the boy have SN? Could you do PECS with him? (works for any child)

What does your head/Senco say?

It's time to pull his parents in and go through some hard lines with both them and him.

Are his parents involved? I would bring them in to tell them this is harrasment and even if he does have special needs it's not an excuse to harrass innocent girls. It scares them now but in a few years whrn he is physically bigger than them he could do so much worse so needs to be curtailed now.

I would be concerned about the behaviour of other adults from home/outside school. Is he mimicking behaviours he is seeing elsewhere?

Get his parents in ASAP.

This needs sorting now and strictly. You've tried the nicey nice explain and manage him away and he's not getting it. From now on he stays away from the girls or he stays in at lunchtime.

As a PP said, if this was my daughter I'd be furious.

I would also be wondering if this boy has been a victim of sexual abuse. His behaviour is extremely alarming.

Have you tried social stories with him? He needs teaching appropriateness when it comes to interacting with girls. We have had to set up a couple of social skills groups for a couple of our children at school. Some because they don’t know how to initiate, others because they don’t understand the boundaries. Even though they still find it hard it gives a reference point as the adult ‘remember we talked about that in group, what can we say instead’ etc.
Don’t know if that would help here but as a senco that is what I would be setting up.
And also what are his parents doing to support the school in this.

I actually meant social story (No idea why I wrote PECS).

I'm not a teacher so no expert, but the "but they should like it because I'm only being friendly" alongside his behaviour rings alarm bells that he may have picked this behaviour/phrases and reasoning like that up from abusive adults possibly?

I agree though that he needs to be separated from these girls.

We recognize his behaviour is disturbing, he does not have a diagnosed SN, but once his evaluation starts this may change.
We tried various strategies last year, but nothing seemed to work other than "no contact" rules relating to the girls in question. He had a "Stop" conversation with our head on friday, and she will follow up on Tuesday. He is not to approach them.
We are separating them at breaktime next week, and will allocate separate tables for 5th and 4th grade next week for meal times. I have informed the parents of the girls, so they are aware.
The boys parents were in the loop last year and cooperating. They were on board trying to give him the same messages at home as he got in school and they also tried to talk to him about boundaries. Mum is a trained preschool teacher. I have not spoken to them so far this school year, but I will on monday. I am hoping to find some strategies to try next week.
Might try PECS and perhaps combine with some emotions training, he seems like he is not in touch with his own emotions at all. He just smiles. All the time.

Unpopular opinion but he should be homeschooled. He is clearly a theat to himself and others

homeschooling is not a thing here...

Your last comment, he just smiles all the time, is really worrying to me. Sounds like something is wrong with him.

He should be removed from the classroom until things change.

Those girls are being harassed in a place where they should be safe, totally unacceptable.

He was observed in class last spring, we are still waiting for the report, but was not deemed to be far behind academically by his teacher last year. Bottom set but still not worryingly behind yet. The observer did see some worrying behaviour and has referred to "child and youth psychiatric", and this is the evaluation we are waiting for. The constant smiling concerns me, as there is no way of gauging what emotion is there.

They are in the class above, so only see him at break time, meal times and after school club. For meal times and after school club we can separate the year groups better, so this is something we can do.
We will have plenty of staff out on duty, and they will monitor the situation.

Incidentally this is not fixating on other children, it's fixating on girls. He is behaving in a sexually inappropriate way to children of the opposite sex.

I would contact social services to be honest. His behaviour is very disturbing

I know orchid, I just did not want to put that in the thread title.

I am considering suggesting to HOD that we get social services on board, in case there are any past experiences of abuse. It concerns me that he is so detached from emotion, and how he justifies his behaviour as kindness.

I fear he is a stalker/sexual predator in the making. I'm very concerned about the girls he is tormenting. Imagine going to school every day knowing you're going to be harassed and touched inappropriately. They need protecting.

The repeated saying hello and following rules made me think of autism, does that sound like him.
Maybe mum and dad have taught him how to relate to new friends and he's running with it (hopeful)

Firstly, I’d involve his parents a lot more. Does he have an IEP?
Many children with PDA/ASD mimic the behaviour of others they’ve seen on tv/their own family/friend’s etc. Social and emotional communication is often difficult and they can become fixated on one or a few people.

The fact he has taken everything you’ve said literally and is so rigid in his behaviour, strongly implies he has SEND and I’d speak to the parents about getting support from LA SEND team.

For a child with ASD, someone (like a gran or someone on Eastenders etc) simply saying something as simple as ‘ I love you’, then kissing ’, could the boy, be seen as a nice thing to do to and the child tries to replicate it....without knowledge or malice or anything sexual in mind.

If he’s autistic for example, unless you explain the rules in a certain way that he can process it, he may just not understand he is doing anything wrong.
Perhaps post this on the SN Chat as loads of knowledgeable SEND parents there.

He sounds probably autistic, so id use social stories and other strategies you might use with autistic children for teaching importance of consent and work on ways of recognising others cues.