Oh wise teachers, please help me settle DS into a new school!

[nicename]

He's Y5. New school seems lovely, he's made nice friends.

I think he is worried about the fact that he sees work as being harder (although kids at his old school are saying the same about Y5 work) and is worried about making a mistake and getting a negative housepoint (a Big Thing for him - even though we've always told him that its not a Big Thing).

He is complaining of a sore tummy, is crying that he doesn't want to go, gets upset if he gets told off at school/has a classs he doesn't like... It's heartbreaking.

He is doing well academically - well above average in the recent CATs.

The teacher says 'I'll keep an eye on im...' But there isn't more she can do (sigh resignedly, cock an eyebrow at me, etc).

He is a very stubborn child - bribes don't work either.

Please tell me he will settle...

Bumping for the evening crowd.

Poor kid, and poor you, it's horrible watching them like this. Can you and his teacher talk to him together, to reassure him that he's working well and that even if he is told off occasionally no- one thinks he's a "naughty boy"? Be absolutely firm about "tummy aches"; no time off unless he is genuinely ill.

Other than that keep to as consistent a routine as you can to reduce anxiety, and get any school related stuff (homework, bag packing) done as early in the evening as possible, so that he has plenty of time without school hanging over him. Try to get him laughing and being silly, or exercising to clear his mind. Praise him loads for having made friends, that is really hard to do as a newcomer in Y5, he must be a very likeable chap!

I'm positive it will pass, but I hope it will pass very soon for you both.

Just dropped him off crying. Now I am! Work must think I'm getting divorced or something!

A negative housepoint? That sounds very odd. No school should be giving sanctions like that for making mistakes in work. Is he sure he's got that right? Sanctions should be only for behavioural issues.

At my school we like mistakes! Mistakes help us to learn. We don;t have rubbers except in art, because seeing what the children wrote before they changed their mind really helps to see their level of (mis)understanding.

Big up the praise for effort.

Praise all small steps.

Talk to his teacher about how he really is finding the work - could be that the school uses subtly different methods and that's making things harder for him.

No, they really do exist and another mum confirmed this! I think one particular instance was used as kids in the past hadn't bother to do one specific project, so a negative point was waved about for those 'getting it wrong'.

The school seems keen to put it all on us - not very helpful for a family in sress already!

I'm sorry he's still suffering, you feel awful dropping them off when they're upset, don't you? Have you requested a sit down meeting with the teacher- rather than just catching them at the end of the day, I mean? Was he inclined to anxiety before you moved him, or is it a new development?

He wasn't anxious before. Would be worried about getting into trouble, but normal kid worries - not so extreme. He really is kicking out against being there.