What's the stupidest/crappest/most patronising advice you've been given about teaching?

[GetStuffezd]

I was thinking back to my PGCE course and it really was dreadful. I remember one of our tutors solemnly telling us that if the job was getting too much and you found yourself become stressed and anxious - leave teaching for the sake of the kids.

Also another tutor showing us how we could draw little pictures to try and convey important messages to parents of EAL kids. I could see where she was coming from but I remember us all cracking up imagining some hideous Pictionary situation. (This was part of dire module we HAD to take called Embracing Diversity.)

I'm sure there were more - anyone else?

I went on Paul Ginnis course at the start of term. I was really looking forward to it. Sadly, everything he said al day would fall into this category. Bastard.

Lots of the tutors were really over dramatic, and Lots of "Don't speak to/ touch/ go within 3 feet of / interact with the children EVER. They will spontaneously combust and you will be chased off the premises". And lots of "This next class will hate you and torture you and you will cry. Of course they're really good for ME because I'M amazingly experienced and you are so, so naive". Not helpful at the time.

cardibach Was just about to buy his book on Amazon - would it be waste of money...?

From our early years advisory team as a supposedly excellent idea:
Read stories to boys on bikes. Oh how we laughed at that!!!!
We could never work out if the children were supposed to be on the bikes and we shouted the stories at them as they rode around, or they were allowed to sit on the bikes but not actually ride them (you can hear it can't you? Charlie just leave the pedals/brakes alone!!!!), or the boys were sitting down and we had to ride the bikes and read at the same time? Who knew????

One of the headteachers in a school that I was doing teaching prac in told me, in all seriousness, "Never wear red in school, it excites the children."

Later that day my mentor from Uni turned up to do an obs and she was wearing a red suit. :)

Mind you, this is the same headteacher who would fall asleep at his desk while I was teaching his class (more an indication of his age and health than my teaching thankfully), who wouldn't let me teach maths and who gave me a heart attack by smacking a child when I was there.

He was weeks from retirement thankfully at that point.

Ah, see 2kids you have clearly never worked in an EBD school. Well known fact that you must never, ever, under any circumstances wear red. Even red underwear can kick the whole day off.

No, I haven't. :)

I was given that advice in a quiet, village church school. :) :)

The book's alright SD, but he is an arse.

Don't smile 'til Christmas ;-)

Haha I had the 'dont smile til Xmas' advice.

My PGCE tutor told us if we were struggling to plan a lesson get the students to copy from the textbook. This was a 6th form class!!!