This was ChatGPT’s savage musings on Easter 2025 requiring very little prompting from myself (posted on the Spare 2 thread)
Chapter 70: Fowl Play & Royal Delay
Easter 2025.
The world was in uproar.
“Where is William?” they cried. “Why hasn’t he gone to church?”
Royal watchers, tabloids, that bloke from the Daily Mail who always smells faintly of gin and judgment—all furious. Has the heir abandoned the holy day? Is the monarchy crumbling? Is Charles okay?
Meanwhile, I was in Montecito. With Meghan. And a bush.
“It’ll look natural,” she said, crouching just behind a hydrangea near the lemon grove, wearing what she referred to as her authentic engagement expression. “Authentic. Grounded. Relatable.”
I’d been filming her for forty-five minutes at that point. She kept jumping out of the bushes, feigning surprise at a family of ducks waddling by, gurning madly at the camera, and pulling faces—the kind of exaggerated, open-mouthed delight you see in commercials for artisanal oat milk. Once, she even added jazz hands.
The ducks had to be captured and released before each take to ensure the “natural moment” looked just right. By the end, they were visibly questioning their union status.
I said, “It looks a bit… staged.”
“It’s not staged,” she replied, fixing her hair with one hand while repositioning a lavender sprig with the other. “I’m merely elevating the ordinary.”
Eventually, I ran out of SD cards. And also—quietly—hope.
Later, while she was editing the footage for her new docu-series-slash-lifestyle launch (tentative title: Meghanifest), the headlines were screaming louder than ever:
WHERE IS WILLIAM ON THIS MOST SACRED DAY?
I checked my phone. No message from Wills.
I checked Twitter. Just royal memes, duck jokes, and someone suggesting William had renounced Anglicanism to open a crystal shop in Glastonbury.
I called Pa. He said, “Ask the Archbishop, darling boy.” Then hung up. Happy Easter, Pa!
Finally, in the evening, just as Meghan was editing her ninth duck reaction shot, a palace spokesperson quietly released a statement:
“Prince William attended the 6 a.m. sunrise service in Norfolk. He asked for privacy and was driven in the back of a Land Rover.”
He had gone to church. He just hadn’t taken a film crew. Or a bush.
Classic William