Spare Change
Like the descendent of crazed matadors who put Spare in the “early release program”, I too can’t wait for the follow-on books that are a promise on the horizon of this budding artist in the throes of his first epic literary achievement.
Some have already begun to compare him to James Joyce, which I think is apt: the book is unreadable (unless you are hallucinating and in a lively discussion with latrines in a book club).
That said, I am concerned he may experience writer’s block in face of the pressure to produce three follow-on blockbuster bestsellers.
So, here is a muse-like heartfelt tip to get him started:
“Spare Change”: This faux autobiographical account imagines Harry’s meteoric descent from the heights of literary fame to panhandling on the streets of Montecito.
He situates himself just outside “Lucky’s”, a famed Montecito restaurant.
The location was chosen by his wife, PR guru and literary agent, for its ironic backdrop.
While he hits up patrons at the front door who he is used to battle with over the most coveted tables, his entrepreneurial wife peddles used bridesmaid dresses soaked in “Meghan’s Tears” – a top shelf laundry detergent softener which had formerly added millions to the family’s “kitty” and that once flew off the shelves as a result of being heavily promoted by the F50 manufacturer in atonement for the wrongs committed against her when she was 12 years old.
While it starts out grim, the story has a Frank Capraesque quality when a new-in-town, hot-shot literary agent trips over Harry’s heavily damaged Bruno Maglis, a brand he favors and could once afford, that he bought at a box store outside of town.
The agent, thinking he caused the damage, immediately apologizes and asks how he can make him “whole” (obviously not recognizing the once unofficial Mayor of Montecito as he was forced to shave his dominant-gene ginger beard since he could no longer afford a personal barber).
His willingness to apologize – with no strings attached – triggers something primordial in Harry.
Harry explains he is a famed author and is currently working on a book but can no longer afford to buy paper and he has recently hawked his iPad since he has no electricity.
The agent squats down and they immediately start tough negotiations. I won’t reveal the ending (proof I have no Spanish blood roiling through my veins), but it ends very well for Harry – not so much for his wife who he replaces as his literary agent.