Things you know they'll say (and things you wish they'd say) in the WillKat wedding commentary

[GeraldineMumsnet]

If you're planning a marathon royal-wedding-watching TV sesh, with tea/biscuits/gin [delete as nec] to fortify you, we'd like your predictions about what the commentators will definitely say and what they almost certainly won't (unless they've been on the gin, too).

TIA and a slice of wedding cake to all contributors.

munstersmum very good!

10.55 'At any minute the future Princess Catherine will be emerging from The hotel accompanied by her father'

11.05 'as we watch for our first glimpse of Catherine, making her way to the Abbey'

11.15 'well, it's the bride's perogative to keep her groom waiting'

11.30 'the family and guests are in their places, the nation waits ......'

12.15 'um......this is unprecedented......'

12.30 'Due to technical problems the BBC will be showing episodes of Dads Army for the rest of the day'.

And we believe the future Princess Catherine is running rather late due to her hairdresser not turning up due to a hangover. her bridesmaids have also got deodrant and rimmel foundation marks on their dresses and so need a damp cloth to sort it........'

Oh you are all so Norty

I have to say, the Mall did look different this morning with all the union jacks hung up

"a true love-match"

the Royals have learnt their lesson and allowed a young man (who happens to be a prince) choose his own bride, unlike his father who had to find an aristocratic one...

Much reference to the fact that we have to call her Catherine and not Kate. A run-down of any celebrity guests. There'll be comments on Camilla's outfit generally and hat in particular.

We're having a Royal Wedding Party and are considering a drinking game where we have a slug of wine at every mention of Diana. Not sure we'd make it to the end of the ceremony, though. Possibly not even to the start!

And, at last, the intelligent, charming and well-educated Miss Catherine Middleton will be able to settle into the role of wife and royal consort, and no longer be a NEET as she has for the past 8 years... There's only so much daytime TV a gal can take...

lol at this
"The Best Man, Prince Harry is in a tasteful morning suit and top hat, no doubt the royals are relieved he has left his nazi suit in the wardrobe today"

I think the Queen will be "dignified"
and there will be mention of "this historic day"

barbara cartland x at least 10 times

barbara cartland mentioned sorry was talking in code

And the official press palace release says "they first shagged after a drunken night in the students' union , 3 nights after that fashion show"
Off with my head

'and they have of course, broken with tradition...'

1. No sponsor, but best man.

2. No golden coach, but a car.

3. No banquet, but a buffet/breakfast/whatever.

I'll be lip-biting till they bring on the factoids that some poor researcher is doubtless rooting out about now because silence would doubtless kill us:

"Of course, the daffodils you see are offshoots of the original daffodils smuggled into London under cover of darkness in 1412 by Roger De Courcey blah blah blah"

"A woman of average height would take 97 paces to traverse the abbey..."

"It would be impossible to list all of those who have passed through these doors since ancient times ..... (but we'll have a pop)"

Of course I'd mostly like to see Pippa having to stick her hand up the back of Kate's dress to haul her bridal-style bustier down because it's showing. That would be fun.

And Pippa has had a double dip spray tan especially for the occasion...

'oh I just knew he was the one for me when I first laid eyes on him and even though he has a tiny penis, I think all the money will make up for it'

"and later this week, Kate's mother Joyce (can't remember what she's really called) will be doing a MN webchat, sharing her extensive wisdom on how not to be a pushy parent......"

Mucho mention of the fact that Princess Anne has pulled yet another Margot Ledbetter frock out of the back of the wardrobe and is wearing a turban.

(please tell me it's the usual breathy-voiced posh man doing the commentary and they haven't gone too batshit and got Holly and Fearne on the job??????)

(or even worse,Jenny "I can cook, I can I can I have travelled extensively worst of the bad losers ever on sleb masterchef" Bond)

oh but Bucharest it would be so funny if they did have Holly and Fearne!

LOLling at Pippa hoiking Kate's bustier

Bucharest - I think it's HuwEdwards (my favourite newscaster)

Fearne is presenting !