Sitter problems reassurance needed

[Puppylucky]

Hi - apologies if this shows up twice it disappeared just as I was about to post it!
To cut a long story short we are away for 8 days and our boy Marvin is at home with a new cat sitter. Whilst she is very capable she also has a full on job that she is doing remotely during her stay with us. Unfortunately Marvin is going through a night time crying and prowling phase (common with Maus) and she isn't really coping as she understandably needs her sleep
From Spain I am limited in what I can actually do to help and am dreading the daily messages about her disrupted sleep. In desperation I have agreed that she can shut him in the kitchen even though I know he will hate it and probably get even more distressed. I know no one can really help but please can someone reassure me that I won't scar my cat for life trying to please my sitter! Cat tax of Marvin giving her the stink eye attached

@Puppylucky Sorry for your family's loss.

Sorry for your difficulties OP. I would be telling her to leave and giving her the option of your hotel room if she needed it. It sounds like she’s going to leave a negative review about you regardless so I wouldn’t factor that into your decision making too much 💐

I agree I think the ship has sailed on the review front. Though I think she needs a good review more than OP.

Yes you are both probably right. We finally obviously agreed that she would leave on Thursday morning so only two more nights 😕. I have learned such a valuable lesson about vetting people but it's been very stressful. I'm not going to leave a review at all and am braced for a slagging. I have tried a few times to extend an olive branch and thank her for coping with what was obviously a difficult sit for her but had no response - just the odd photo of Marvin.

@Puppylucky

Youre being far too nice to this person. They were meant to be pet sitting for you and were annoyed that your pet actually had needs that needed to be met.

Go back to your home and tell her to bloody leave. You do not need to be tiptoeing around this person.

I know I'm being possibly too nice, but she completely wrong footed me by being so fed up with Marvin (she said he wasn't normal!) and to be fair a lot of people on here agreed with her! I kind of feel I owe her something. She also made me feel like a neurotic owner, as Marvin is clearly tolerating being shut in the kitchen, despite me being reluctant to agree. Basically I feel like an idiot and don't want to give her a chance to make me feel worse particularly with everything else going on.

There's a massive difference between tolerating and being content!

I can see no reason why you shouldn't write an honest review on her. You were very careful about vetting potential sitters to ensure they would suit Marvin and she's clearly been very economical with the truth.

If as you say you turned down someone who wanted peace & quiet to write a thesis, I can't see you accepting someone who needs total quiet for calls, working time, and sleeping time. If (I assume you did?) say that a priority was companionship for the cat then there's no way her current plans & desires fit in with that. You would only be fair on other people looking for a cat sitter (as opposed to a house sitter who feeds then pets) to tell them that she expects quiet 24/7, and to be able to go out all day then host on line conferences all evening.

IMO that is NOT cat/dog/whatever pet sitting, that's house sitting with feeding duties. When I used to dog sit for friends, the priority was caring for them first & foremost and what I wanted to do was in the time left over after that.

@Puppylucky i feel for you. When I fostered my now adopted cat he was so used to being on the streets that his body clock had not adjusted to inside life. Yes I was tired but he doesn’t know that 2 in the morning is not the time to be playing and tearing round. He is pretty much a silent cat until he’s stressed and he makes the strangest noises which is basically a yowl which will wake me up. Again he doesn’t know any better he’s a cat who is unsettled and he’s telling me. I used to lock him out the bedroom and found it was when he would do the yowling so let him back in and accepted he would pounce on me in the night. Eventually he’s pretty much stopped 18months off the street now, but my god I was tired but I didn’t moan about it.

I think you are right @Allergictoironing
I described Marvin as vocal and athletic but she did not describe herself as a nomadic office worker. She got in at 8pm today after being out all day. Marvin is apparently very grateful to see her but will be shut away in an hour. I'm just down the road in a hotel but can't cuddle him 🙁

Hell or high water couldnt stop be from getting home to my pet if I thought that they weren’t getting the love or attention that they needed or deserved. Why are you torturing yourself by being down the road in a hotel and not in your own home @Puppylucky. Just say it out loud and listen to how insane it sounds.

This woman has offered services and then moaned the whole time that she’s actually has to provide them. Kick her out and get back to your cat!

To be blunt if she was out the whole day, or is spending all day shut in the office, I can see absolutely no reason she could object to you visiting your own home to cuddle the cat!

Unless there's something in the contract that promises her full, unfettered and solo use of your property at all times whether she's in or out, I'd go & visit my darling at least while she's either not in, or on a meeting on line with the study door shut.

We did discuss popping home but thought it would just confuse Marvin more. Like I said I don't think he's actively unhappy, he's bored and lonely. We are hoping to try and salvage some holiday time and go away in September but I am no longer sure what to do about Marvin. I always felt that keeping him at home with a sitter was best for him, but this disaster has made me think again.

I cannot believe the updates.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine that in the circumstances someone would refuse to leave your home (especially when offered a hotel room) because it's not convenient. Wtaf?
I would not leave a negative review. I would leave a factual review.
It's not your fault that may also be negative.
You have been very kind to her.
Marvin is a high needs cat. You said this. She was warned. Sometimes things don't pan out as you expect and you need to get on with it and chalk it up to experience. That included having to pet sit a cat who is more than you thought. You had an agreement. She could not uphold her side and felt it was appropriate to bitch about it. It doesn't bode well for her future.
If you are too tight to pay for rent sometimes you will have no place to go. Tough shit. Sofa surf with some friends. This is how you have to adult.
Despite what everyone here has said I do not think Marvin is unreasonable, and I cannot think a person who loves cats would not want to spend time with him.
We once cat sit a semi feral cat who would swipe your ankles as you came down the stairs. We went twice a day and took lots on who had to do it. But we did it and we didn't bitch (to others) about it because it was what was best for the cat.
Having lost our beloved cat we now accept any behaviour from any cat just to have a swift cuddle.
We would have loved to look after Marvin. We cant house sit (unless you are SW) and it looks like Marvin doesn't travel well but otherwise we'd have him in sep!! (My last cat would come everywhere with us, in the car to lots of places, as long as we were there initially he was fine.)

When you finally get home please can you update us with some pics please?

We use Trusted House Sitters. Our cat is a pain in the backside at night, he announces when dawn breaks with great enthusiasm and pesters for breakfast from 6 am. He’s allowed out (to save our sanity) and always lets us know when he comes in. He has missed his calling as a foghorn. I am up front about this when choosing a sitter. No sitter has ever made an issue of this, they all seem to love him (more than me, to be honest). You should give an honest review so that other people with annoying cats don’t book her.

Thank you so much everyone who posted on this thread ! It has really helped to vent particularly as my poor husband (it's his dad who was the medical emergency) has a lot on his plate and doesn't need me moaning all the time. We are on the home straight now and will be back in our house with our cat tomorrow. She is allowing him to spend time with her during the day, but is still locking him away at night. He is clearly getting fed up with it as he is starting to be destructive so it's probably for the best we are home tomorrow.
I went back and read my THS listing and maybe I wasn't clear enough about Marvie's failings but then she wasn't particularly clear about hers! As @Chemenger suggested I have added a disclaimer to the top of his listing on one site to say he isn't suitable for light sleepers or people with lots of work responsibilities.
I am still not sure what to do about a review but maybe I should make it clear what she will and won't put up with for other people's benefit
And yes of course I will post pictures @Nodwyddaedafedd thank you for caring !

Update : we are home! Marvin was asleep on the sofa and initially quite subdued. I think he's tired as he won't have slept well and is a bit confused as to the comings and goings .

Welcome home, OP. So glad you’re back with him. I’m sure he’ll be back to his normal self once you all get back into your routine 😊

I think he's giving a not so subtle hint there that next time you go away, you need to take him!

Can you not get a neighbour to go in and feed him? Why pay a fortune for a sitter? My neighbours teenage daughter always feeds our cat when we go away, she plays and hangs out with her too, (think she enjoys the peace and quiet lol) and we feed their menagerie (three cats and two bearded dragons) when they go away.

@ToadRage Trusted Housesitters is a free service which I think was part of the problem as I didn't feel I could lay down the law. Fingers crossed we have found a lovely sitter for our next trip. Interestingly she mostly does dogs but has branched out into cats so I think she might be a better fit with a cat who needs more interaction and attention than average.