Sitter problems reassurance needed

[Puppylucky]

Hi - apologies if this shows up twice it disappeared just as I was about to post it!
To cut a long story short we are away for 8 days and our boy Marvin is at home with a new cat sitter. Whilst she is very capable she also has a full on job that she is doing remotely during her stay with us. Unfortunately Marvin is going through a night time crying and prowling phase (common with Maus) and she isn't really coping as she understandably needs her sleep
From Spain I am limited in what I can actually do to help and am dreading the daily messages about her disrupted sleep. In desperation I have agreed that she can shut him in the kitchen even though I know he will hate it and probably get even more distressed. I know no one can really help but please can someone reassure me that I won't scar my cat for life trying to please my sitter! Cat tax of Marvin giving her the stink eye attached

Which is still no substitute for roaming.

This is more or less what we are doing this summer - I'm quite looking forward to sitting in the Catio with Marv 😊

I love my cats more than anything, but I also feel a bit for your sitter. Yes, she gets a free home to stay in, but being 100% there for your cat day and night for a week does sound tough. None of my cats was like this, it was possible for me to work and sleep while taking good care of my cats and I wouldn’t have anticipated it being a 24/7 job if I’d taken this position. If he is that high needs then maybe you need to look after him yourself. Or you work with professional, paid sitters for 24-hour rotating shifts.

I think @Allergictoironing nailed it. The sitter and Marvin are at two ends of a spectrum. Marv is very needy and vocal and she is looking for a quiet place to stay and get on with her life. When I realised she had spent barely anytime with him before yesterday it all became clear. He's lonely and unsettled.

I've had many cats over the years and brought up a litter born to a feral cat so rescued. None of mine were howlers but I didn't close doors so they had access to most rooms to avoid this. Shutting him in the kitchen will do no harm and you can think of a better arrangement for next time. My sister currently has two cats and the same problem: I blame feeding wet food a lot of the time. One of her cats is always begging for food and crying - because they feed him table/cooking scraps. I used to feed kibble as, a) it is always available and it discourages 'timed howling' for breakfast and b) I could leave them at home for a weekend if absent away, unsupervised, with a cat flap to enjoy outdoor space and food wasn't an issue in this scenario as they could feed themselves. Think about your lifestyle going forward and adapt your cats life to that. Good luck.

I do usually vet the THS sitters to make sure they will have the time for Marvin. For instance, I don't ever invite people coming to the UK for a holiday as it's obvious (and completely understandable) that they will just want to use the house as a base. Other sitters have also been more honest about why they are doing it. I spoke to one young woman who wanted some peace to complete her thesis and we both agreed that it wouldn't be right for her. I just wish this lady had been more honest about her lifestyle as I would have realised that Marvin wasn't the right sit for her.

It's not really food related howling. It's crying because he is unsettled and restless.

While I appreciate she's getting a lot out of the sit, expecting someone to go without sleep is unrealistic (regardless of their work circumstances). If your cat really is so needy that his human companion is woken up repeatedly throughout the night, respectfully, I think you need to resign yourself to not leaving him.

I have two needy cats (also ex strays) who yowl outside my bedroom door at night (they used to be allowed in the room at night, which didn't work). I will absolutely be getting an extra door fitted so I can keep them further away to stop the sleep disruption.

I have two Maine Coons (this was never an issue with my other cats through the years) and I learned while fine initially the second summer I was being woken up from 4.30am as the day was light. So now they are confined to the downstairs overnight. They have a cat flap and food/water. I have no idea if they are happy about it or not I just do it. They don’t make a run for the door when it’s obvious I’m going up for the night so I guess they are used to it.
This year (the cats are now five years) for the first time I was let down by my sitter so last minute scramble to get a boy from up the road that came in twice a day to feed them for 8 days. They had never been left for more than a night so I was really worried. He kindly sent me a pic every day of them eating and they seems completely undisturbed by my absence or absence of an overnight sitter!
Your boy will be fine in the kitchen. It’s the big ginger make who’s the early riser!

@mondaytosunday your cats are magnificent! How big is your ginger boy?

I am a house sitter from time to time, well, I've done 8 tbh.

I would expect a little disruption in all honesty. I have had dogs getting the zoomies at 01:30 and another dog brining me a ball to play at 04:00hrs. I've had two dogs jump on the bed , sigh and settle down in the middle of the night and im not used to dogs on beds. I dont mind this and its all part of caring for the animals in their own surroundings.

What i get out of sitting is meeting all different dogs that I love and doing g things they like. Its a bonus visiting an area I haven't been to before.

However to be awake nearly all night every night would be too much for me and as long as that it was made clear thst this is what Marvin would do then the sitter should have turned the job down. I would have as its not fair on me to have little sleep and its not far on the cat either.

I have four Burmese, which is a very vocal breed. They don't go out at night, so they are shut downstairs in the kitchen diner so they can't pester me. I love my cats but I will not have them disturbing my sleep. This is their routine and they are fine with it, they have plenty of attention during the day.

I'm sorry for both your sitter, and for Marvin. I doubt any sitter will be prepared to put up with his nightly vocals. Especially unpaid.

When we go away the cats go to a cattery. I doubt they enjoy it, but it's the best option for them.

Marvin may be lovely but he's difficult so you need to rethink how he's looked after when you're away. You will be lucky to find any sitter who will be happy to deal with his behaviour.

If I was staying in a home in exchange for looking after a cat I would not then constantly message the home/cat owner to complain as I would understand that this might ruin said owners holiday
For future holidays I would have a long term plan to introduce Marvin to someone or several someones who would be prepared to stay over for a night or two. Let them get to know him and then you could have a rota.

Do try to enjoy the rest of your holiday, it's only a few days. Your boy won't be traumatised, he'll be fine.

Yes I usually do try and do a short stay with a sitter before going on to a longer sit with them but couldn't do that this time . Marvin had met her briefly once before and I think I was lulled into a false sense of security as he's such a confident social cat that he would take a new person in his stride. I still think that a lot of the problem is her lack of engagement with him during the day. But getting a rota of sitters to cover a longer trip is a good idea if I can manage it.

Update : This holiday was obviously doomed. We had an emergency family illness call yesterday and had to cut short our holiday by five days to travel home (Jet2 are absolutely brilliant in this situation by the way - can't recommend highly enough. ) Kept the sitter informed that we were returning home but would be travelling to another city before returning home. We have gone to the expense of booking hotels in our home town so that she can stay in the house until the end of the sit whilst we shuffle around.
The family situation has sadly resolved itself and frankly it would now be better for us to be at home. Plus the fact that it's obvious that poor Marvin is now spending all day and night alone whilst she works and sleeps. Having agreed an early end to the sit which seemed to suit both parties she is now saying that work is too busy and she is no longer sure if she has the time to pack up and leave early. So as it stands my "free" sitter has cost me a very sad cat plus £400 in hotel costs as we can't get back into our own house during a very sad time 😔

Oh no @Puppylucky - what a shame. I don’t understand how the house sitting thing works, but can’t you tell her to go to the hotel you booked instead if you want to be at home, is it a binding contract? I’m sure Marvin will be fine, honestly - and think how happy he will be to see you when you get back.

She sounds like a nightmare. Poor you, poor Marvin x

I’m sorry for your family situation.

I was kind of on the sitter’s side before but that’s ludicrous that she won’t leave. How much stuff could she possibly have to pack? Say you’re coming back and she can sleep on the couch, or offer a cheap hotel. You can’t give up your own home for her.

I think she must be the CEO of Apple or something, but apparently she has all day meetings in the office tomorrow ( Marvin alone all day) and a workshop she is running from (my) home on Wednesday (Marvin shut in the kitchen all day). I don't think it's a binding contract, but it's frowned upon in the THS community to finish a sit early - although we have had to do it once before and the sitter couldn't have been nicer about it. She didn't even update me on how Marvin is - he's apparently sleeping a lot now which is great for her. I just want to go home . My husband has had a really traumatic time around his elderly father and I'm stuck with a suitcase full of bikinis in wet Britain 😭

Tell her to piss off home. You need your Marvin cuddles!

Seriously, tell her to go, she’s taking the piss.

I'm thinking about offering her the hotel room we have had to book around the corner from our house but it probably wouldn't be suitable for her work needs. She has made it very plain that it's too difficult for her to leave early and so she's not going to.

Sad Marvin

I think that’s tough tit, as we say in this house. She won’t have a noisy cat bothering her in a hotel, will she?

Does Marvin usually have someone home all the time? We have a couple of days a week where Louie is on his own most of the day (more at the moment because DP’s away, and I am on campus three days) and he’s totally fine - today I was out about 8 and home about 4. He’s always happy when you get home but even when we’re in he will potter in and out. Tonight he’s been in his bed by the radiator while I’ve been watching TV, and now he’s away out for his evening patrol. He’s sometimes (often) a total pest if we’re here WFH but no-one cares if he pops up on Teams meetings. (When I had to get my laptop replaced because he’d broken the keyboard by sitting on it was possibly less well received.)

Yes @Judystilldreamsofhorses he's very spoilt as I WFH. He is left alone for a few hours every day, but generally he is used to having people around most of the time. He is actually fine being left alone as long as he gets fuss and interaction when we get back . I'm sure he's ok at the moment- he's just bored and has closed down. I would love to just tell her to go, but I'm a bit scared too. She's complained so much about Marvin, as well as accusing me of lying about how difficult he is, that I just don't want to get into it with her anymore. The problem with a site like THS is that we review each other and if she slates me / Marvin that's not great for us.