Do your cats have alternative/parallel lives that only exist to you?

[Snooks1971]

Hear me out. So, we have always had cats, we are quite oldish. We indulge their cat whims.

Our current 2 rescues have evolved during the last 18 months, these are their parallel lives:

Cat 1: seems to like living here in the height of luxury, however, he is holding out to be further adopted by Elton John and becoming a god parent to one of Elton’s kids. He knows Liz Hurley. Says he has David Furnish’s phone number.

Cat 2 : He’s a lot smaller but he thinks he’s very masculine. He’s a member of a Heavy Metal band that are resting at the moment. His tail is bigger than Cat 1 and he knows it. His small sparkly toy cat balls are his offspring and he brings them to his food saucer.

Very aware we need to get out more!

My teenage cat had a complete life, along with his two friends. Apparently one of them was the captain of a Viking longship. Mithril, my parents current cat is frequently telling me he’s an apex predator etc etc. My parents are bonkers. 😂😂

We also speak through the cats. We are completely 100% normal. Honestly. 😂

100%. I'm a crackpot but anyway...

One of my torties loves kneading/making biscuits so she's the owner of a cat bakery and cranks out treats such as lick-e-lix stuffed cookies and tuna muffins. She drives a Fiat-fur-hundred as well.

The other one assists her, but she's a bit more dumb so doesn't really have a head for business.

@Toddlerteaplease This is utterly delightful! In my own home I love to indulge in a bit of harmless whimsy and my dear DH joins in as well.

Admittedly I even do it with my stuffed animals that aren't real, they have full and complex imaginary lives and sometimes they talk.

Not a cat but a dog.

I have conversations with her and talk as if she’s replying eg in the morning I’ll ask her if she slep well and what she dreamt off. Then I’ll say ‘you dreamt you were on the beach? Sounds lovely! What were you doing? Playing with Wayne? [barman of our local who she loves]. Great! Oh he was throwing sticks for you and giving you treats? That sounds like a fantastic dream!’

Love, love, love this!!

@tortietimestwoall of my (many) cabbage patch kids had lives and personalities.

Love these! Glad it’s not just us that are bonkers.

Our previous girl cat had a property empire of mouse farms. Nothing nice like farms run my farmer mice, but actually farms which bred mice that were then sold to cats who weren’t very good at catching them themselves. Highly plausible.

Toasty Boy Cat has a voice that only we can hear. He sounds like Frank Bruno. He's very intelligent and ambidextrous having learned how to do kitty high fives with either front paw. He has a day job as rat catcher and pupil counsellor at the school next door to us.

This is the whole premise of the musical Cats isn't it? Cats secret lives.

Too deep.

My cat is a preacher. He jumps onto our neighbour’s shed to deliver his sermons.

Our cat drives a motorbike with a side car so can be called on for lifts, but always seems to have other plans which mean he’s unavailable…

Love threads like these.

My female cat runs a nip business v successfully and has a network of fellow black cat members of her neighbourhood ‘lines’. She is always busy, hidden away making up the bags and counting up the money.
Her brother is the enforcer as he is all brawn and no brains.

This is the best thing I've never done. I'm going to go away and give it the thought it deserves to help me survive the misery of January!

Me too. They are so believable. Cats’ business hidden away in plain sight.

My cat does drugs every evening to chill out after a long day. She’s a local “enforcer” and smacks around the young cats who haven’t learned any manners. She also loves Barry Manilow.

I have Siamese rescues. The latest one runs GCHQ Cat Division with a swish of her tail. Not quite sure what the operatives do but probably involves food. My little girl was food starved and her whole world is food. The slightly older boy knows he is pure-bred and spends his day dreaming about the demise of his younger sister. He is beautiful but not very bright - reminds me of Crabbe and Goyle in Harry Potter.

Our cat is too stupid to have an alternative life but I do voice his (stupid) thoughts and make dh have deep and meaningful conversations with him.

Our tortie is definitely a secret contract killer. She does very little of it as is inside asleep 90% of the time, suddenly leaping up and running out growling, having obviously had a secret message to go murder.
However, since having her (8 years) she has insisted on practising her hisses, skin breaking bites and stair trips consistently. I am a useful smokescreen as she pretends to be a normal cat over night, sleeping on my pillow

She's nearly 14 now so I think the reign of terror is coming to an end, but I am convinced I will be the final target...

I've genuinely enjoyed this thread so much - so cute! Viking cats, assassins and cat GCHQ. Whatever next? They're taking over the world.

My cat enjoys spying on the neighbours from the shed roof and reporting back on their misdemeanours to the authorities. She also reports on the goings on of other local cats and has managed to get her adversary the Bad Tabby permanently "disappeared".

Our girl cat (tuxedo) runs a finishing school downstairs for naice felines, teaching etiquette, deportment etc. Her only pupil at the moment is a lazy, greedy lad of whom she despairs. He has a job with dhl but can't be arsed with it. I can't remember the last time he did a day's work.

Tuxedo girl is very professional when downstairs & is most offended if you attempt to treat her like a cat by, for instance, stroking or talking down to her. Upstairs is a different story. Stroking is permitted. Catnip is enjoyed. Shadows are chased and nests are built & defended in wardrobes, drawers & linen baskets. We do not speak about any "upstairs goings on" when she is on duty downstairs.