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Original poster

Picking up our cat that's been 'missing' for years

459 replies

KiffyKiffyKiffy · 03/02/2025 14:57

Well not missing exactly but we lived at our old address and as our cat got older and we had kids and 2 dogs our cat spent more and more time with our elderly neighbour. We would try and coax him home but he always went back.

The neighbour loved him and spoilt him rotton.

2 years ago we moved house and we tried to catch him a few times to bring him with us but he evaded us. So we went to the neighbours house to ask him to catch him for us. The elderly neighbour said he would like him to stay (his wife and dog had passed away) as he was good company

So over time we check in on him, make sure he doesn't need vet care etc.
Neighbour has our number.

We just stopped by to check in and he asked if we could take him.

Of course!

But I'm worried as he's not seen our dogs in years. He's never been to this home and we have somehow adopted a stray cat here who treats it like his home and is basically out unplanned cat too now.

We are picking him up in an hour and I'm just a bit stressed at how to navigate this!!

We never planned to be apart from him but he chose the neighbour over us and at that time the neighbour really needed him.

Any advice please!

OP posts:
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DazzlingCuckoos · 20/05/2025 10:20

Agapornis · 20/05/2025 10:12

Do insist that your DH comes to the vet. It's unfair that he's blaming you and irresponsible. Has he never had to put down a pet before? Responsible ownership includes death.

Exactly. I was terrified with my last cat about that final decision and wondering if I'd be worried that I'd made the wrong decision and that she might have lived longer, but a vet visit really helped me realise that her time was coming to an end and I have no guilt over the final decision.

It was honestly one of the worst days of my life and I'm tearing up writing this now, even though it was 5 years ago, but I know it was the right decision and I was there with her at the end.

With inviting pets into your family, you are unfortunately preparing yourself for eventual heartbreak, but the heartbreak just shows how much they've been loved.

I suspect your DH is feeling some guilt that the cat had been away from you during his "better" years, whereas really he should be looking at it as being lovely that he returned to you to see out his final months.

20 is an amazing age for a cat, especially a male tortoiseshell cat as they can have greater health issues resulting from the gene abnormality that they have.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 20/05/2025 15:29

I'm hoping the vet agrees with me :(

My son is very upset with me too.

Feeling like a scapegoat

OP posts:
NotISaidTheCat · 20/05/2025 15:59

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. You sound like a wonderful cat owner, and it's not fair of your DH to make you feel like the bad guy. Sending hugs x

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 20/05/2025 18:07

Well the vet sided with DH. Said he seems like a very happy cat. Gave him a couple of injections to help with nausea and antibiotics incase of kidney infection.

Follow up appointment on Thursday but she said he seems very happy and she doesn't think now is the time.

I can't argue against her professional opinion and DH just thinks its double validation he is right.

OP posts:
Binglebong · 20/05/2025 18:17

I hate to ask things but do you trust your vet. You do get some who want to keep animals going when it is not inbtheir best interests.

Pudmyboy · 20/05/2025 18:56

Oh @KiffyKiffyKiffy you are going through the wringer with old boy Vader, I take my hat off to you. You obviously want the best for him, which includes a dignified demise. Sending hugs, so sad that your family can't see what you can 💐

uhohjojo · 20/05/2025 20:17

What a rollercoaster, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you have the best interests of your poor cat at heart. He must be so confused if he's not aware of proper places to toilet. It's so hard to judge quality of life in these circumstances. The vet doesn't see him day to day, could there be an element of judging the physical stuff not the mental confusion? I know cats with dementia can sometimes suffer some distress. I really hope the vomiting (and toileting issues!) calm down and he has a better patch with less stress for you all. It's such an emotive situation, I'm so sorry your family is divided on this. ❤

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 21/05/2025 03:46

He's just had another seizure in DS room.
DS said he was seizing badly :(
He said 'so much for him doing well'
DH immediately trying to down play it saying it might have been the meds from the vets and 'liok he feels much better now'

Vaders now asleep on our bed.

The vet we saw isnt the one we usually see, I'm going to ask to see him on Thursday and be frank that its time now and that its just completely unfair on Vader.

OP posts:
Americano75 · 21/05/2025 09:02

The poor wee thing, and poor you. Your nerves must be shattered.

Agapornis · 21/05/2025 09:38

Bit odd really to assess him as 'happy' - we all know that cats are good at hiding pain. Can you film the seizures and confusion to show them?

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 21/05/2025 22:28

Agapornis · 21/05/2025 09:38

Bit odd really to assess him as 'happy' - we all know that cats are good at hiding pain. Can you film the seizures and confusion to show them?

Edited

He usually sleeps with my son who runs and gets us when he does it, it really freaks him out so I couldn't ask him to film it.

We are at the vets tomorrow but as I said, he had a seizure last night and has vomitted a lot again tonight.

DH has an excuse for everything.

Apparently he siezed last night because of the vets injections and he vomited tonight because DD left her plate on the floor and hes licked up her peri salt 🙄

He is just so, so in denial.

I said we have to tell them tomorrow whats happened again and he said lets just give him a week and see how he goes :(

My DD agrees with me and said if it was her cat (ginger cat) she would PTS as its mean.

OP posts:
coastergirl · 22/05/2025 00:16

KiffyKiffyKiffy · 21/05/2025 22:28

He usually sleeps with my son who runs and gets us when he does it, it really freaks him out so I couldn't ask him to film it.

We are at the vets tomorrow but as I said, he had a seizure last night and has vomitted a lot again tonight.

DH has an excuse for everything.

Apparently he siezed last night because of the vets injections and he vomited tonight because DD left her plate on the floor and hes licked up her peri salt 🙄

He is just so, so in denial.

I said we have to tell them tomorrow whats happened again and he said lets just give him a week and see how he goes :(

My DD agrees with me and said if it was her cat (ginger cat) she would PTS as its mean.

Show quote history

I really feel for you being in this situation with your husband. I would be of the same opinion as you. It's awful having to make the decision to let our pets go, but far worse to let them suffer. It's the last kindest thing we can do for them.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 22/05/2025 09:57

coastergirl · 22/05/2025 00:16

I really feel for you being in this situation with your husband. I would be of the same opinion as you. It's awful having to make the decision to let our pets go, but far worse to let them suffer. It's the last kindest thing we can do for them.

Show quote history

Unfortunately Vader had another fit this morning but he was with me, not DS. So i filmed it.
I sent it to DH and hes actually seen him fitting now and he said we will show the vet today and maybe get him booked into be PTS :(

I think, as he hadn't witnessed it first hand he didn't realise how bad it was, but now he knows.

Will update after vet appointment.

We wont be doing it today as kids need to say goodbyes but will book the date today x

OP posts:
Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 22/05/2025 11:37

Vader is booked in to go to sleep tomorrow afternoon x

OP posts:
TheMimsy · 22/05/2025 11:46

@KiffyKiffyKiffy massive squishes. It is his time and what a full and long awesome life he’s had filled with love. xx

coastergirl · 22/05/2025 12:02

KiffyKiffyKiffy · 22/05/2025 11:37

Vader is booked in to go to sleep tomorrow afternoon x

I'm so sorry, but it is the right thing. I'm glad your husband came around. It would be so awful to go through this in conflict. Lots of love to you.

DaisyStarburst · 22/05/2025 12:15

I'm so sorry but you have done and are doing the best for Vader.

Agapornis · 22/05/2025 12:26

So sorry, glad you've been able to make the decision though (and it sounds like you got the right vet this time). Give the boy some salami and lickylix from me.

stayathomegardener · 22/05/2025 13:05

You couldn’t have done more Flowers

Binglebong · 22/05/2025 13:35

So sorry. You gave him a wonderful gift when you took him in and you're giving him another now. He is very lucky to have had you.

Breadcat24 · 22/05/2025 14:37

so sorry

Pudmyboy · 22/05/2025 15:04

Agree with @stayathomegardener , you absolutely could not have done more for Vader, he has been loved and now it is time to give him this final gift, heartbreaking though it is for you all 💐💐💐

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 22/05/2025 17:12

Agapornis · 22/05/2025 12:26

So sorry, glad you've been able to make the decision though (and it sounds like you got the right vet this time). Give the boy some salami and lickylix from me.

We are just at shops getting licylix and a roast chicken for his tea.

The vets first recommendation was to try some epilepsy medicine to try and stop the seizure but it was actually my husband who spoke up and said we feel its unfair at his age to put him through anymore.

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 22/05/2025 21:34

Glad your DH finally spoke up for you both. You are doing what’s best for the most spoilt cat in the world tonight

i had a vet who I didn’t think was doing right and I asked him what he would do if it was his cat and shown him my videos. He soon changed his diagnosis

enjoy tonight and know you have done right by him. Be prepared though for the hole he'll leave in your heart

Americano75 · 22/05/2025 21:36

My heart hurts for you all, and I can't send you enough love. I have two cats, and know how much they become part of the fabric of your family.

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