My cat had to be PTS 4 months ago because she had mouth cancer. I wasn’t expecting it and the whole thing was a huge shock because I thought she just had a bad tooth. The vet didn’t realise it was cancer until they did tests and by then the cancer was very advanced. I was devastated because I was very emotionally attached to her. She was 12 and I’d had her for two years after her owner passed away. I’ve never connected so much with an animal.
Since the Christmas season has arrived I’m really struggling. She enjoyed sleeping under the Christmas tree, playing with the decorations and we used to get her little presents to ‘open’. I know it’s silly but I keep thinking about how I’m symbolically going into the new year soon without her and I’m kind of leaving her behind. I really really miss her.
I did a lot of things that people suggested would help. Her ashes are in my room next to a photo of her. I’ve planted flowers in the garden in her memory that will bloom in spring. She loved the garden and that will be difficult too, when the nice weather comes and she won’t be here to sit outside with me. I did some online grief counselling with the Blue Cross but didn’t find it very helpful.
I feel like my friends and family are bored of me talking about it now and expect me to move on, especially as I now have a new cat. She is lovely and so sweet but very young and nothing like my old girl. Of course I love her too but it’s not the same.
Just wanted to share because I thought I was doing well with keeping my mind off my sadness but today I was scrolling through photos of her on my phone and burst into tears. The day she died is very traumatic for me because she died in my arms at the vets. It was the worst day, especially as I knew what would happen all day and was just sitting there thinking about it. It took everything in me not to cancel but I knew she was suffering. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.