My cat died and I can’t move on

[messymaple]

My cat had to be PTS 4 months ago because she had mouth cancer. I wasn’t expecting it and the whole thing was a huge shock because I thought she just had a bad tooth. The vet didn’t realise it was cancer until they did tests and by then the cancer was very advanced. I was devastated because I was very emotionally attached to her. She was 12 and I’d had her for two years after her owner passed away. I’ve never connected so much with an animal.

Since the Christmas season has arrived I’m really struggling. She enjoyed sleeping under the Christmas tree, playing with the decorations and we used to get her little presents to ‘open’. I know it’s silly but I keep thinking about how I’m symbolically going into the new year soon without her and I’m kind of leaving her behind. I really really miss her.

I did a lot of things that people suggested would help. Her ashes are in my room next to a photo of her. I’ve planted flowers in the garden in her memory that will bloom in spring. She loved the garden and that will be difficult too, when the nice weather comes and she won’t be here to sit outside with me. I did some online grief counselling with the Blue Cross but didn’t find it very helpful.

I feel like my friends and family are bored of me talking about it now and expect me to move on, especially as I now have a new cat. She is lovely and so sweet but very young and nothing like my old girl. Of course I love her too but it’s not the same.

Just wanted to share because I thought I was doing well with keeping my mind off my sadness but today I was scrolling through photos of her on my phone and burst into tears. The day she died is very traumatic for me because she died in my arms at the vets. It was the worst day, especially as I knew what would happen all day and was just sitting there thinking about it. It took everything in me not to cancel but I knew she was suffering. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.

I had to euthanise my cat in October . She had mouth cancer too. It’s such an awful disease and it grows so quickly. It was very traumatic making the decision to let her go. I still miss her very much so I understand how you are feeling.
I also lost my older cat age 19 the year before. She was a tortie like Tilly. I know you shouldn’t have favourites but she was the most amazing cat I’ve had. They are so intelligent and full of character but so loving too- esp as they get older. She loved trying all our food - she especially loved popadoms and croissants. They are a very special breed I think.

I think grief does come in waves, OP, it's perfectly normal to see a picture after you think you are 'ok' or to have a sudden smell or memory and to burst into tears. Loss is hard to take, in the end I've had to accept that it hurts and to stop trying to fight it. Funnily enough it's been a bit easier since I told myself I would never get over it!

Lots of furry snuggles to everyone who has experienced a loss on this thread.

To those talking about getting another cat - I do actually have another little cat now (it’s near the end of my original post). She is a gorgeous little torbie (tortie/tabby mix). It would have been too hard to get another tortie because I would have constantly thought of Tilly. But this is a good compromise. I adopted her a month after I lost Tilly because my house felt so sad and strange without a cat.

She is 3 and full of energy! She’s very chatty too and talks to me all the time. I got her from the local rescue centre because her owner had to move away and couldn’t take her. They said she was timid but she definitely isn’t here. Maybe she came out of herself in a different environment. She helps distract me when I feel sad because she always wants to play.

I’m so sorry for your loss, she was a little beauty.

What a beautiful cat! I am sorry for your loss. I have not been through what you have but I would be devastated if something similar happened to mine. Please remember the good times and know that you gave her a very happy life while she was alive. I know you won't ever forget her, and you don't need to. She will always be a part of you; you shouldn't feel you have to move on.

So sorry to hear about your lovely Tilly, she was beautiful.
Many years ago we had a tortie called Ziggy who looked the same
She was the sweetest cat and lived to be 21.We were devastated.
Our last cat had to be put to sleep 5 months ago, in July, and to be honest I can still cry about him even now.He had an aggressive tumour in his gut.It was the only thing to do.
The odd thing is he was such a grumpy cat who growled, lashed out with teeth and claws, and as a result our bond suffered a lot.
He was a feral, born and lived on the streets for years until we literally took him off the streets one day.I think his aggression was the result of fear.
We had him 8 years.
Despite all this we are still upset.
Take all the time you need.
You can always talk to us on here.
We understand

A lot of people won't understand the impact of a special cat. I didn’t want to talk to much about my girl when I replied previously as this thread is all about Tilly!
But it may help you - my Motley was my first ever solo cat as an adult. For many years it was me and Motley against the world - we had a bond that will never be replaced.
Here's some of her highlights-
She hated a friend of mine (who later turned out to be not so much of a friend) so much that she would hiss at him and run off the moment he entered my flat. She loved prawns so I persuaded him to get a Chinese and share prawns with her to get him back in favour - and she ate the prawns I gave her and just left his!

SIL visited us, and Motley refused to let her up the stairs. To the extent SIL had to come and say "please can you come and move this big scary cat?"

At this point I didn't know SIL that well. Motley had her number from the start and these days I wouldn't let her up the stairs (or even in our house!) either!

Sharing a photo of my tattoo, I got this a few weeks before Motley left us so she did see it - although she just rolled her eyes at it and carried on being my best cat ever....

I totally get it OP. My lovely little cat died 2 weeks into the first lockdown. I missed him so much, and lockdown would have been so much easier to bear if he'd been around, as I was on my own. I let myself really grieve for him, had a good cry. The grief is real, they're such a huge part of our lives. My car was a stray that ended up being adopted and I'm just so happy I could give him a good life, he really couldn't have been loved any more, and I'm glad about that. He died in the garden, the place he was happiest. I wish I could have loads of cats, they are so funny and loveable!

Just wanted to say you're not alone, and it's a testament to what a kind, caring person you are that this still affects you. It will get easier with time, and I hope your new kitty gives you as much joy in time. Go well OP. X

I’m so grateful to all of you for your kindness and sharing stories and tributes about your lovely pets.

I do think Tilly was my soul cat even though I’d had her a relatively short time. We connected so well and when she died, she took a part of my heart with her. It makes me feel better when people say it’s ok not feel like I have to get over it or move on. Sometimes it’s not possible to do that with a little soul we loved so much.

I’d always buy her treats at this time of year, like Webbox Christmas lick-e-lix or cranberry and turkey flavour wet food. My new cat doesn’t like any of that (very fussy) but she does like Dreamies so I’ll buy her some of those. She’s also got a scratching box that I’ve wrapped for her.

Sending love to all of you missing your pets this Christmas.

You sound so lovely and caring. Your cat was beautiful. I'm already dreading the day we have to say goodbye to one of ours. I think the only comfort is that you gave her a wonderful life, but that doesn't help with missing her. I hope time will make things easier.

What a beautiful and kind post @ByHazelFawn . I hope and trust that the OP is at a better place now but having lost my own beautiful boy at the end of April your words were very comforting to me - thank you

What wonderful, kind words @ByHazelFawn; I wish I had been able to read them after my beloved cats died. Love to everyone who has lost a kitty x

Thank you @ByHazelFawn , your lovely words meant a lot to me. I still miss my girl so much and have sad days where I feel tearful about her. But there are happy days too when I remember the good days we had together. It’s coming up to a year without her now. I think the anniversary will be a difficult day but it helps to know that others understand how I’m feeling. I’m sorry you lost your little cat suddenly too x

@messymaple I've just been reading through lots of threads here about grieving the loss of cats. We had to have our beautiful Alice put to sleep just yesterday evening. I was just thinking that I hope you were doing okay and then got to the post that you put up just yesterday. I'm so pleased to hear you have happy days now. I'm hurting such a lot but reading all these beautiful posts is giving me some solidarity to cling onto. Wishing you and all the wonderful cat owners on here peace and fondest loving memories of all your wonderful pets ❤️

@BePoisedMoose I’m so sorry about your beautiful Alice. It’s the hardest thing. You’ll always miss her but it’s true that time helps it sting less. Something that really helped me was adopting a new cat from the same rescue centre. It helped me heal and I get a lot of happiness from her. Big hugs to you and take care ❤️

Thank you @messymaple for your very kind words - that's lovely to hear. Yes, we think that some time in the future we may foster cats and kittens from the rescue centre where we got Alice.

I’ve stumbled across this tonight as we had our sweet girl also called Tilly PTS tonight after sudden illness- she was fine at lunchtime but by 5:30pm couldn’t walk without wobbling and had a head tilt which the vet said indicated something neurological such as a brain tumour and we decided not to put her through tests etc as any outcome wasn't going to be able to be sorted anyway. I’m in shock I think as it was so unexpected and although she was nearly 13 I wasn’t ready to say goodbye just yet 😢

Oh I'm so sorry @Lifeispassingby and yes, you must be in shock at such a sudden loss. We made the same decision for Alice - not to put her through any tests - as it was clear to us that the kindest thing was to let her go but it is so very hard. You have done what was right for your lovely Tilly and I so hope that knowing this brings you some peace in the coming days. Sending thoughts of comfort and solidarity🌹

@Lifeispassingby I’m so sorry to hear about your little Tilly. I can relate to not feeling ready to say goodbye but you did the right thing by letting her go peacefully without invasive tests 💕 I hope you can find some comfort in this thread. Take care 💐

I've also stumbled across this thread after googling pet loss and coping with grief.

My beautiful boy cat told me last week that it was time, about a month after being diagnosed with heart disease. I am heartbroken as he had been by my side for almost 10 years, and he was the loveliest most wonderful companion. My home feels much quieter without him and every room I step into holds memories. I miss him terribly and feel tearful most of the time. I'm just trying to get through each day at the moment.

This thread has been a great source of comfort though, and I feel better knowing I am not the only one who has felt the intense feelings of loss over a cat. I re read it when I am feeling particularly low but I am saddened that we have experienced such sadness. But it's the price we pay for such love and joy that we've shared with our cats.