Has anyone ever got a kitten for their child and regretted it?

[Jomummy1013]

I just wanted opinions on something to do with this please.
My daughter was 13 on Monday. She absolutely desperate for a kitten, one of my friends breeds ragdolls. She fell in love with one of my friend's kittens.
I made it clear to her that she would need to help with the kitten, that I would expect help with the litter tray and remembering to feed etc. I already have an adult cat. Because I knew I was gonna get my daughter the kitten (as a surprise) I also got another little moggie kitten to keep her company as I know kittens are better in pairs and I couldn't afford two ragdolls - even though my friend gave me the kitten at a much reduced price.
My daughter was adamant that she would help and she begged and pleaded for this kitten. So on Monday I surprised her with the kitten and she was so happy.
But she hasn't helped with the kitten once. Her younger brother helps feed and he bought the kittens a bed with his own money. I asked my eldest to help with the litter tray just now, she never does anything around the house and all she wants to do is play on her phone. She does play with the kitten and cuddle her but point blank refuses to help put food down and refused just now to empty the litter tray and pop new litter in. I do everything round the house as well. I have exploded at her just now and sent her to her dad's. Her complete insolence and rudeness and point blank refusal to help has driven me mad. The kitten cost me a fair bit of money, and now I have two extra kittens I didn't necessarily want.
Would I be unfair to give the kitten back to my friend? The kitten was expensive and what makes me even more upset is that my car went wrong last week and I don't have the money to fix it, I'm gonna have to pull every single bit of cash I have from everywhere to get it fixed. I'm a single mum, I have a job, and have to have a car. if I had not bought her a pricey kitten my car would not be an issue.
Perhaps I am being stupid and selfish. The kitten is gorgeous. She is adorable and friendly and I don't want to give her back. But money is so tight and my daughter is showing no appreciation. Help :(

Kittens or any animals should never be presents, especially for children. They’re new additions to the family. And an adult should always be fully prepared to assume full responsibility.

@Dontfuckingsaycheese yeah I realise this now. But she's 13. I figured she would be old enough to take a bit of responsibility. I certainly would not give a pet as a present again. Learnt my lesson.

I understand how you feel, but at the end of the day she is a child/teenager. Yes she should help take care of the kitten, but she isn't an adult. I'm also wondering how your son, who seems to have really taken to the kitten, would feel if you gave the kitten back? You'd be punishing him too.

And I don't particularly want to give the kitten back, she is very lovely. But I feel now it's an extra layer of work for me that I believed she would help me with. As it is, she does nothing around the house. She helps loads at her dad's as he's a lot stricter. I don't help myself as I'm always tidying up and running around after them. I lost my rag at her big time. I was raging, at her ungratefulness and rudeness. I feel ashamed now as I was so mad. But she was saying to me, oh well just give the cat back them. I was disappointed in her. I thought I was doing a good thing. Pets are not great presents for kids. Huge learning curve.

The problem isn't the kitten by the sounds of it.

Our cat is the responsibility of everyone in my household. My daughter's WiFi access and phone use are heavily dependent on her doing her chores, including feeding the cat and cleaning out the litter tray. I'd be coming down hard on refusal to help out, especially at 13. And I agree with pp - pets should never be gifts.

@pineapple360 tbh my son and the little moggie kitten I have are the only reasons I am gonna keep her. My son would be so upset - he helps with the kittens and adores them. Plus if I did give my daughter's kitten back, the other little kitten would be by herself and they are best friends already. I feel awful for losing my temper. I just want her to help more. She literally does nothing. Leaves her stuff everywhere, her clothes, clean and dirty. Makes a mess. Won't help with hoovering or washing up. When I was her age I did loads to help my mum. I guess I'm just mad.

Agree with @pineapple360's point about your son.

Maybe, as he is the one caring for the kitten, the kitten should be his, not your DD's?

Yes this. My DDs best friend’s cat had just had kittens and she’d love one. There were tears when I said no. But we have a cat already, I’m a widowed parent, my eldest has additional needs, my job is busy and I’m knackered. I know how you feel though because I got chickens four years ago and I regret that! The kids don’t help and it’s just another thing to do. But I do love them and look after them well.

Sounds like the kittens are gorgeous! And now you have them do you think you can make the most of them?

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow I actually was thinking that myself. My son is like the cat whisperer. He helps with them lots. X

I think you might just have to chalk this one up to experience! However it's great that your son has been looking after them.

I was also thinking this :( I think this all just brought it to a head. It's not about the kitten. I love cats and they are beautiful, friendly and funny kittens. I love to watch them play. I feel guilty now for losing my temper. What an arsehole. X

@StJulian2023 I should have been firmer. But on the whole she's a good girl, she's clever, she's just lazy.
I will keep the kitten. They will be enjoyed, even by my eldest. Even my adult cat is ok with them now. They are no bother as they have each other x

I think this is a good approach. She can bloody well help; to a certain extent. Not just with the kittens. It does drive me mad as they do loads at their dad's. I'm going to do a rota x

I don't think you are an asshole! I think you are frustrated and upset, understandably so. As you say, the kitten situation seems to have bought an existing problem to the fore x

Never ever get an animal unless you're prepared to do all the work yourself.

You can't force a child or a partner to do their share and it's not fair on the animal not to be properly cared for, so you will end up landed with it.

If they do step up then that's a bonus.

Thank you xxx I proper lost my shit. Feel horrible now. She is probably telling her dad it all and he will be shitty with me now. Ugh. X

100% agree now. Yeah I will probably end up doing it all which is a pain in the arse but they're already part of the family.
I was trying to prove a point to my daughter by saying I would give the kitten back. I should have been the bigger person. But I am not well equipped to deal with 13 year olds yet 😂
I'll need to apologise to her for shouting, I was so enraged I was crying with rage. I flipped my lid when she was point blank refusing to help and when I saw their food bowls were empty. Lesson learnt. Now we just need to enjoy our new family members x

It happens. Don't beat yourself up.

I know this is a million times easier said than done, but it sounds like you need to have a discussion with her about chores and responsibilities when you are both calm.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow 100%.
She is with her dad now and I'm kicking myself as we were meant to have a girlie evening.
He has the two younger ones and it was meant to be just her but I called him raging and said he needed to collect her.
The kitten is the icing on the cake, but the issue isn't the kitten...x

Omg they are soooooo gorgeous 😍

They are adorable!

I think you know the answer yourself, she's 13, she's temperamental, she's hormonal and she doesn't have a great track record of doing chores. I have taken different approaches with mine, I can't say they were all helping aged 13 non-stop but over time we've worked towards them stepping up more. I think cats are tricky as cat shit/vomit isn't the best place to start with chores, plus I prefer to do it myself to get it done properly, I'd start them on unstacking the dishwasher, clearing the table I suppose.

Great your son loves them- but do think realistically you need to think do you want the faff and expense of two cats for, say, 15-20 years and if not, act now before the situation is all embedded.

Tell her "You promised you would look after the kitten. If you don't, the kitten is going back to the breeder right away; so she can still sell it to someone who really wants it."

'She never does anything around the house and all she wants to do is play on her phone'
And here is the problem!

Take her phone until she helps.

@Highdaysandholidays1 perhaps cleaning the litter tray is a crap job to start. She needs to start with perhaps washing up or peeling potatoes.
And no, don't really want the expense and commitment of 2 kittens for the next 15-20 years 🤦‍♀️ it probably was an impulsive decision on my part as I wanted to make my girl happy xx