Has anyone ever got a kitten for their child and regretted it?

[Jomummy1013]

I just wanted opinions on something to do with this please.
My daughter was 13 on Monday. She absolutely desperate for a kitten, one of my friends breeds ragdolls. She fell in love with one of my friend's kittens.
I made it clear to her that she would need to help with the kitten, that I would expect help with the litter tray and remembering to feed etc. I already have an adult cat. Because I knew I was gonna get my daughter the kitten (as a surprise) I also got another little moggie kitten to keep her company as I know kittens are better in pairs and I couldn't afford two ragdolls - even though my friend gave me the kitten at a much reduced price.
My daughter was adamant that she would help and she begged and pleaded for this kitten. So on Monday I surprised her with the kitten and she was so happy.
But she hasn't helped with the kitten once. Her younger brother helps feed and he bought the kittens a bed with his own money. I asked my eldest to help with the litter tray just now, she never does anything around the house and all she wants to do is play on her phone. She does play with the kitten and cuddle her but point blank refuses to help put food down and refused just now to empty the litter tray and pop new litter in. I do everything round the house as well. I have exploded at her just now and sent her to her dad's. Her complete insolence and rudeness and point blank refusal to help has driven me mad. The kitten cost me a fair bit of money, and now I have two extra kittens I didn't necessarily want.
Would I be unfair to give the kitten back to my friend? The kitten was expensive and what makes me even more upset is that my car went wrong last week and I don't have the money to fix it, I'm gonna have to pull every single bit of cash I have from everywhere to get it fixed. I'm a single mum, I have a job, and have to have a car. if I had not bought her a pricey kitten my car would not be an issue.
Perhaps I am being stupid and selfish. The kitten is gorgeous. She is adorable and friendly and I don't want to give her back. But money is so tight and my daughter is showing no appreciation. Help :(

This is something I did say but then felt awful!! She was saying to me, ok well send her back but it was bravado. She would be so upset if I did. X

COMPLETELY the problem. The phone drives me mad. It used to have timers on it so it would lock at 6 and her use would be restricted but her dad got her a new phone for her birthday, her date of birth is now obviously 13 years ago and gives way more access to stuff! Needs nipping in the bud. a kitten is much more fun than a phone :( x

They bloody well are. Her kitten is currently on my lap asleep. She called her Dolly which is cute I think x

Sorry you feel like an arsehole. I can assure you, you are not. And are not alone! I've been feeling extremely tetchy and frustrated at my nearly 13 yr old today. Argh. They know precisely how to push those buttons. Apologise for losing it, but don't grovel. I'd explain you aren't going to return the kitten but since she's not willing to assist then you will give the new kitten to your son.

It's really hard being a single parent, doing EVERYTHING. Run a bath and make the most of the peace tonight.

And you can set up parental controls on a 13 yr olds phone so it shuts down etc etc. it sounds like the settings haven't been carried over/set up. Good luck.

She should def Be helping. At younger than this age we were responsible for our hamsters and tortoises. To be honest if she loved the kittten she should want to help take care of it.

@Longwhiskers @Blingstar
Thank you.
I spoke to her last night. I apologised for losing my temper but I did reiterate she does need to help out more. I said to her at the very least I want her to keep the kittens' food and water bowls topped up!!
I helped out loads when I was her age. X

I ended up going to bed at 9pm last night, I had gotten myself so worked up my head was pounding and I felt sick. 😭

She’s 13 - expecting a young teenager to assume all responsibility for their animal, no matter how much they wanted it/said they would look after it just isn’t realistic.

On a brighter note:
DD also got a pair of kittens for her 13th birthday, they are now 6 years old and have turned out to be wonderful, social, affectionate cats who we love dearly. I can’t imagine life without them!
99% of their upkeep is done by me though, and that’s what you need to be prepared for if you get your child a pet.

I would t send the kitten back because that's not fair on it. But I'd be confiscating your daughters phone for starters. And any other thing she likes.

And don't buy your daughter a replacement birthday present as the kittens are now being cared for by your son. She had her present but doesn't want the responsibility so must forfeit an alternative.

The only reason I regret it is that they tie us to the house, or I have to get a sitter if we'll be away more than a couple of days.

The cats themselves, I was realistic about - I feed/clean/brush/de-tick them etc. despite them being loved by the kids (and wanted by the kids), and the kids being full of promises, I knew the responsibility was ultimately mine.

I mean even if she was very helpful with the kitten, she could be leaving home in 5 years. What would happen then?

Please be careful you’re not pushing your children into the roles of golden child and scapegoat. Different children need parenting differently. I can come across as lazy. Actually I’m overwhelmed and numbing down to cope. As a child I was the one left to hold onto all the family emotions. It was a big job!

I agree with this.

I am surprised that you thought this would go any other way?
It's seems a bit impulsive that you got your household 2 kittens with the idea that this would teach your young teenager responsibility? It feels you haven't been the adult, and that you have set her up to fail.
Pets are so expensive to buy and look after, it seems that was a huge ask on her, even if you are covering the costs you are now regretting it.
Most parents will tell you that kids will promise you anything to get a pet, but very rarely step up when the pet is here.
I'm not sure how you get out of this mess, there isn't an easy answer, but I'm sorry I think this is of your own doing.

She sounds like she gets away with too much to be honest. Her dad is strict so she behaves appropriately. You let her behave badly so she does. Turn the wifi off and remove her phone if she can’t do simple tasks she’s asked to. Don’t bother shouting and screaming or crying or apologising. Just remove it.

I will say I’d never buy a pet for a kid because I think it’s trouble waiting to happen. My dd thinks I’m sooooo unfair because she would totally look after a pet and this and that and the next. I generally just say ‘yes I’m sure you would! Can’t wait to see what pet you have when you’ve got a job and your own place.’

Yes I’ve not had consistent luck with children helping with pets more of a hit and Miss approach and I have always done all the work. Both my DC have always had a pet since they were little and they were more helpful when they were also little. As they got older they did a lot less to help and I get frustrated.

She helps loads at her dad's as he's a lot stricter.

So, be a lot stricter? No phone until the jobs you want done are finished etc. Sounds like she is more than capable of being helpful but you enable her to do nothing at your house.

Thanks @clipclop5 - I am glad I am not the only person who got my child kittens for their 13th birthday 😂
Seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am doing most the upkeep, my daughter doesn't even think to check their water bowls or their food though. X
so glad your kittens have grown into lovely cats. I love cats so much. I don't regret getting them but I regret believing her when she was adamant she would help!! Xx

Also agree with this.
All she cares about is her phone.
She loves to read and she got a lovely set of books for her birthday. She has read half of one of the books and loved it! But the phone always is her priority.
She does take lots of photographs of her kitten though.
I need to crack down on her...x

Her laziness does infuriate me.
I know she loves her kitten 100%, cuddles her a lot, and as I type my kids have taken the kittens in the back garden to play, which is good I guess as they're not being left in that way.
She 100% won't get anything else x

@Choconutty 100%. I was naive in thinking she would do what she said. She just wanted the kitten and I wanted to make her happy. X

@Kanaloa she gets away with murder.
I am too soft.
I work a lot and I know their dad is stricter.
I should have learned my lesson. Her dad got her a hamster for her birthday last year...he ended up doing all the care. She didn't even get the hamster out.
I mean kittens are nicer than hamsters. And more fun. And they live longer. X
I should have been like you and said 'yeah right'....

@LabelleLabelle the older she gets the worse she gets.
Her laziness is out of this world. X

Yep I'm gonna be lumbered until I'm well into my 50s!! X