What do I do?

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

After losing Harry DH and I have struggled to adapt to being catless. We have been approved to adopt a gorgeous, super friendly tabby boy and we’re supposed to be picking him up today but I’m seriously apprehensive.

I miss Harry more than I ever thought possible and cry every day. Is it fair to bring a new cat into this or will he start to heal me? What if I don’t bond with him? What if I don’t love him enough because he’s not Harry? What if I start to forget Harry?

We met him on Friday night and he is the most gorgeous, friendly boy - real lap cat. He’s FIV+ and has been at the rescue 2 months already and could be there ages (the last one was over 9 months).

I honestly don’t know what to do but it has to be right for the cat. We can give him a good life, love and a cat proofed garden but can I do it? As much as I hate the cat shaped hole it’s Harry I want to fill it but obviously that can’t happen. I’m so conflicted 😢

What would Harry want you to do? Wouldn’t he want you to give a home to a cat who has been left lonely and unloved in a shelter for 2 months? He would want you to move on and find another feline companion to comfort you.

We had 2 cats and the one who was the clear favourite died a couple of years ago. Although the one who is left will never take his place, we still have plenty of love to give her.

When I lost my gorgeous boy, I didn't think I'd get over it.
We did get another rescue cat about 8 months later and it the best thing we ever did. He's a very different cat, but we love him so much.
Your new cat deserves a good home and you can provide that.

I took on a cat in similar circumstances. Absolutely bereft after my young boy had been run over.
I found it hard but this new little cat who had very little chance just gave me a chance to care for her.
Wanted nothing else and I really felt I was doing her good.
She wasn't him but somehow giving her what she needed helped me to spread the love and grief positively.

I didn't compare at all, as it cemented that he was gone but now this new animal needed love too.

I think you're doing a lovely thing and your new cat will help you day by day .
I did start off a bit meh tbh I felt I didn't have enough to give, but she didn't need much just food and care.

It grew from there.

Good luck x

I sobbed daily for a very long time when I lost my boy.
Its been 5 years and I still miss him, I was thinking about him earlier as the daffodils are blooming on his grave.

However, the cat I adopted who was in a dreadful place has helped heal my heart and, more importantly, now has a loving home where she can live a happy life.

Thank you both, you’re making me cry again. I think I’m now realising it’s too soon, we lost Harry at the beginning of April, but the silence is too much (DH and I obviously talk but it’s a different kind of silence!).

I know so many people who’ve got another cat quickly though and it’s worked for them.

I adopted an FIV tabby boy just 2 weeks after our beloved little black cat died. It was soon, but I wanted to offer a home to a vulnerable cat.

He is completely different in looks and personality and has brought a great deal of joy to our lives.

I found it really helped with the healing process. We have a little ‘shrine’ to our old cat in our front room with her urn and photos. I can look at it now, 3 years on without feeling devastated.

That’s how I feel @Otherlifeform, I want to help him and hopefully he can help me. He’s a stray, FIV+, there’s a scar on his nose and half his ear missing but he is so loving.

My two favourite cats were PTS within 2 days of each other a few years ago. The second one was my best friend, he was by my side constantly, if I called him and he was outside then he'd suddenly appear from nowhere and run to me - he was my perfect little weirdo.

I wasn't going to get any more cats after he was PTS but within a fortnight I saw two brothers on one of the cat rescue sites that I follow. I ended up adopting them and haven't regretted it for a second. Their antics helped take my mind off Pigeon and Alizè, and Fred (the white brother) is the most loving but dopey cat. Neither of them will replace my other two, but they helped me not be so sad.

We lost our beloved cat in December last year and, when DH suggested looking for another cat at the start of the new year, I initially thought it was too soon. The loss still felt too raw.

We saw a cat advertised at the local Cats Protection who was the same colouring as our previous cat and DH was smitten.

We visited her and immediately, I knew we could give her a loving home and that she could help us as much as we could help her.

It's been wonderful, truly a tonic. Our new cat is a delight and we absolutely feel she's helped us to focus love and attention where it's needed now. She's not a replacement but she's a happy, loving girl who has a cosy bed instead of a pen at the shelter.

I hope you can soon start to think of your lovely cat with wonderful memories, not heartache and if you do decide to look for another cat, that they heal and soothe. 😻

@PinkSparklyPussyCat I've messaged you!

Cheddar was such a help to me after Maia died. I still miss her terribly, but Cheddar fills her gap.

I wasn't going to get a cat so soon after Maia, but Magic wasn't happy on her own. And Cheddar was in the rescue. And the stars aligned! Still can't believe my luck in getting her.

Ever cat I've had has been completely different in terms of personality and behaviour. Clearly no cat will replace Harry for you, but I would still strongly recommend picking up your new cat and let him make his own mark on your household (hopefully not literally...)

And since he has been stuck at the rescue for a while already, you are definitely doing him a favour.
Good luck whatever you decide and let us know.

We lost our first cat in the May and said we'd have a break before thinking of getting a new one. 4 months later we had adopted 2 beautiful kittens. I remember saying to my husband I don't think I'll ever love these ones as much as I loved our first. But I do!! They are my world. They healed 2 very broken hearts and I can't think of there being a time without them.

So what I'm trying to say is, you might think it's too soon but I'm sure you have the heart and home space to re-home this boy that looks like he really needs.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat No Cat will replace Harry, but they will help you heal. I know it feels like a betrayal, but it's not, you'd choose Harry if that were possible & getting another cat, doesn't mean you'll stop grieving for Harry or that he's replaceable!!

you have lots of love to give, the cat 🐾 in the rescue needs love (and a cat proof garden). He's been through a rough time but still affectionate. He sounds wonderful.

I hope you've chosen to go & collect him 💕

If you have love to give a cat, you will learn to love a new cat. You will discover different lovable qualities and delightful quirks.

I have a comforting theory that your last cat chooses your next cat for you. I always tell my cats about the cats who chose them.

Hi everyone, thank you for all your replies. We decided to postpone picking up the new cat until next week to give me time to calm down and to make sure it’s right for all of us, especially the cat. I couldn’t have brought him home in the state I was in last night and this morning but this gives me some time but without deciding either way.

Although he’s in a rescue he is fosters and his foster parents clearly adore him so I know he’s not stuck in a pen.

@PussBilledDuckyPlait I strongly believe that Maia sent me Cheddar. And I never go for things like that!

I understand. It feels like a betrayal, but really it's not.

Your boy wouldn't want you to be so sad would he? If he were here, and if he was anything like my heart cats have been, I bet he would do anything he could to comfort you.

I say this as a dog person, but some cats are also amazing empathetic creatures- I would adopt this lovely friendly cat- he will help you heal.

When we lost Mr Stripey at 18 years old we were all heartbroken. My son grew up with him. I did not think we could get another cat but after about 3 months my son said he hated coming down in the morning and no cat to welcome him. He chose another cat, a Bengal, but she disappeared after about 5 months. We think she was stolen as 2 Main Coons who lived 3 doors away both disappeared on the same day. The vet told us unusual cats can be stolen to order. Now we have 2 wonderful cats, a male half Main Coon who has long hair and a small female tabby cat. Both very affectionate. We still think of Mr Stripey and Mystique but are happy with our 2 companions. I think Harry would want you to give a poor rescue cat a good home. They will reward you with lots of love and affection. You will never forget Harry. No other cat can take his memories away.

Pink

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. We've made a decision and have decided not to adopt our potential new addition right now. Harry's ashes are back so we'll get him home and we are going to book ourselves a holiday. We've cancelled the last two holidays because of Harry's illness or vet appointments so we think it'll do us good to get away.

I've let the foster mum know and she has said that if he's still available when we are ready she would love us to adopt him. If he is it's meant to be and if not I'll be happy for him finding his forever home.

I think that is a perfect decision, Pink.

All the best

I think it's the wrong decision but that's just my opinion. Poor Eddie.