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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Needy rescue cat wants to be petted for hours

132 replies

Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:12

I adopted a 4 year old cat 2 weeks ago. She was in the rescue for a month (came from a loving home with 3 other cats) and was very shy and nervous in the rescue.

Spent 1 week in hiding, made it to my lap after that.

Since then her neediness has been exhausting. I pet her for 20 minutes in the morning. I work from home so make it clear I won't engage with her while at the desk - she pushes her luck with this, around my ankles, stretching up at my knee, appearing on table behind me and miaows a lot but it's do-able. I take a 10 minute break every couple of hours and get on the couch to pet her - she knows that this is the sign I will pet her and comes running over.

It's the evening that's the problem - she wants to be petted for literally hours, however long I do it it's never enough. She lies on my chest and wants to put her face to mine and be cuddled like a baby. sometimes she will move on to my lap but as soon as i pick up an ipad or phone she is back on my chest and wanting me to gaze at her. She will take quick breaks to eat or use the litter but will hurry back. If I get up for any reason she yowls the house down. It only ends when I go to bed (I don't allow her upstairs in the evening).

Does the neediness die down? I'm not massively into watching TV and it's the only thing I can do when she's on me. I'm glad she's happy, but I'd like to have a bit more of a varied evening than telling her what a good girl she is and petting her! She doesn't play with toys with me, it's always the cuddling she wants. Getting another cat to keep her company isn't an option. She's a shorthair crossbreed but I think might have a bit of Burmese or something in her, she is very vocal in general.

OP posts:
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15
Theunamedcat · 21/01/2022 21:41

🙄 excuse the kisses I've been texting my mother Blush

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:42

@Castiron12

This probably sounds absolutely bonkers, but my cat is super needy and cuddly - I think partly due to the fact I slept downstairs with him for the first few days so he associates me with comfort (which I love but also practically I didn’t have the heart sometimes to kick him off my lap , meaning I wasn’t managing to get dinner on until gone 9pm 😂) So I bought a “cat hoodie”. It’s essentially a hoodie with a really large fluffy pouch (like a kangaroo pouch). He just sits in there of an evening and then I can just transport him around everywhere I go haha! I got it online, here is a link - www.amazon.co.uk/Unisex-Holder-Carrier-Kangaroo-Sweatshirt/dp/B08NDPQX3V/ref=asc_df_B08NDPQX3V/?hvlocphy=9045605&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=486201994311&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-1072847804803&hvrand=8274018216117767186 And yes. I am 100% crazy cat lady lol. X
GrinI was reading this with close interest until I saw what your solution was. No way, she is just going to have to toughen up a bit!
OP posts:
OrinTakesFlight · 21/01/2022 21:44

I think you won't have to spend 3 hours a week for the next 10 years stroking her because she will adapt and become more comfortable, and one day you'll find yourself thinking 'oh please come and snuggle' when she has other plans. That's the way it goes :)

ShaneTheThird · 21/01/2022 21:44

Ohh she is perfect!

OrinTakesFlight · 21/01/2022 21:45

night, not week!

Beamur · 21/01/2022 21:45

Fit a cat flap that's activated by her chip, then she can easily retreat home and not be followed.

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:45

@Santahasjoinedww

Maybe she needs more staff? Have you room for a lodger?
I was wishing tonight that I didn't live alone so that someone could take some of the heat off me in the cuddling stakesGrin
OP posts:
Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:46

@OrinTakesFlight

I think you won't have to spend 3 hours a week for the next 10 years stroking her because she will adapt and become more comfortable, and one day you'll find yourself thinking 'oh please come and snuggle' when she has other plans. That's the way it goes :)
I did miss her the other day when I had to work outside the home, and I was the one rushing back for my cuddles.
OP posts:
Castiron12 · 21/01/2022 21:47

Haha I don’t blame you! I am too soft 😂 mine does this thing where he climbs up my leg and everything is open plan so cooking was a nightmare 😂 (think he has issues lol), so in the end I popped him in there and he remains sound asleep whilst I get on with my evening and I’m not stuck on the sofa.
He is 100% the boss of the house x

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:47

@Beamur

Fit a cat flap that's activated by her chip, then she can easily retreat home and not be followed.
Yes, will do that. Actually bought one already but need to check it works, as her chip is American.
OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 21:47

Our existing dcat was depressed when his db died. A dkitten has transformed him. Maybe your dcat wasn't a lone dcat previously?

minipie · 21/01/2022 21:48

There’s a certain irony here OP, lots of people want a lap cat but instead get a cat with varying degrees of aloofness. You wanted (it seems) an aloof independent cat and have got one of the few genuine lap cat rescues… She seems a bit wasted on you tbh!!

If she is Burmese temperament she won’t change, they are like this.

Beamur · 21/01/2022 21:48

It could be worse. I have three cats who are needy in rotation and one sleeps with me so there's little respite!

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:50

@Castiron12

Haha I don’t blame you! I am too soft 😂 mine does this thing where he climbs up my leg and everything is open plan so cooking was a nightmare 😂 (think he has issues lol), so in the end I popped him in there and he remains sound asleep whilst I get on with my evening and I’m not stuck on the sofa. He is 100% the boss of the house x
Your situation sounds really similar!

I'm open plan too and In the last 2 weeks I haven't actually cooked anything that takes more than 10 minutes as it's been too much of a faff - the first week as it would have scared her, the second week as I would have been too long away from her.

I have hopes her enthusiasm will die down just a little (without me having to get another cat).

OP posts:
soddingkitten · 21/01/2022 21:51

Your new cat sounds lovely. She’ll likely calm down when she’s settled in and more tightly bonded to you. I’d be interested to hear what she does if you crack on with your evening. At the moment she’s getting what she wants by yowling and then being rewarded with a top quality cuddle - action, reaction, reward. You’re reinforcing the yowling.

If your garden is disputed territory get a microchip reader cat flap so she’s the only one with access to your home. It will ensure she feels safe in the house.

I was also going to suggest a bed on your desk or a radiator bed that she can still see you from. Sodding has beds dotted around the house so he can hang out with one of us. I’ve got an old fleece blanket shaped into a nest on the chair next to my desk in my home office, DH and DS have radiator hammocks in theirs. Sodding is happiest when there’s someone nearby.

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:52

@minipie

There’s a certain irony here OP, lots of people want a lap cat but instead get a cat with varying degrees of aloofness. You wanted (it seems) an aloof independent cat and have got one of the few genuine lap cat rescues… She seems a bit wasted on you tbh!!

If she is Burmese temperament she won’t change, they are like this.

Ah, no. Definitely wanted a lap cat. I wouldn't swap her, would just like a little of my evening back long term.
OP posts:
violetbunny · 21/01/2022 21:52

One of my cats struggles to self settle, I put it down to her having been separated from her mum too early (she was a rescue). She will meow and demand attention until she settles at night, I think it's because she wants to feel secure and comforted.

What's worked well is having something of a "bedtime routine" for her and creating a place she feels she can sleep safely. In her case she loves sleeping completely covered under a particular throw - it's fluffy so she kneads it for ages which seems to calm her down, then she crawls under it and goes to sleep.

The other thing is that after 2 weeks your cat is possibly still very much in a settling in phase. My mum's rescue cat took a good 6 months to properly settle in and start to feel comfortable. So it may be that once your cat starts to feel a bit more secure in her new home she will stop looking to you for quite as much attention.

Needy rescue cat wants to be petted for hours
RandomMess · 21/01/2022 21:55

I have one of these you need 3 humans minimum to one needy cat.

When the 3DC returned to work/school after lockdown I had a sulking dog & 2 cats. They had quickly adapted to there always being someone in bed to give them all the cuddles they wanted 🙄

Our needy girl cat has to touch you if she can't sit on someone we call it the "paw of ownership"

Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 21:57

Hot water bottle under a blanket? Possibly a fake leg in her mind?

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:57

@soddingkitten

Your new cat sounds lovely. She’ll likely calm down when she’s settled in and more tightly bonded to you. I’d be interested to hear what she does if you crack on with your evening. At the moment she’s getting what she wants by yowling and then being rewarded with a top quality cuddle - action, reaction, reward. You’re reinforcing the yowling.

If your garden is disputed territory get a microchip reader cat flap so she’s the only one with access to your home. It will ensure she feels safe in the house.

I was also going to suggest a bed on your desk or a radiator bed that she can still see you from. Sodding has beds dotted around the house so he can hang out with one of us. I’ve got an old fleece blanket shaped into a nest on the chair next to my desk in my home office, DH and DS have radiator hammocks in theirs. Sodding is happiest when there’s someone nearby.

That's a fair comment, I probably am reinforcing to some extent, particularly as I have trouble telling yet as to when her yowling and miaowing is actually important so tend to look at her and fuss even when she's just chatting/attention seeking.
OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/01/2022 21:58

Feliway or similar plug in helps with reducing stress too.

Original poster
Naranjo · 21/01/2022 21:59

@Santahasjoinedww

Hot water bottle under a blanket? Possibly a fake leg in her mind?
Genius, but part of her repertoire as having a good old stretch when she turns over and digging her claws into whatever she reaches (including my face unfortunately). Not sure a water bottle would withstand claws? or maybe it would Confused
OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 21/01/2022 21:59
Envy
minipie · 21/01/2022 22:00

You could try letting her upstairs with you at night, maybe if she gets to sleep near you she won’t need so much in the day and evening?

I often have my cat on my lap during zoom calls…!

RandomMess · 21/01/2022 22:02

Mine making the most of the radiator. Yes I now have that radiator on full and swelter at my desk to she gives me some peace.

Needy rescue cat wants to be petted for hours
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