She who must be obeyed (CAT) has a bedtime routine that must be adhered to, or else. DH must rush into the bed once in the bedroom door, or meowling will commence. He must quickly get into the right position so that she can ascend her throne (his chest) and he must hold his iPad or book very close to his face, or it gets in her way. He must remain there until prep for lights out, giving pets and terms of endearment as commanded. If required, he must leave the bed by gently transporting her by virtue of sheetlift, and then climb over her as she is now hogging all of the sane methods of leaving the bed. I, meanwhile, am chopped liver.
Immediately after all light goes out, she then pads over to me, parks herself on my lap, and stays there. Without moving willingly, until morning comes. I have, thankfully, perfected the sheetslide move, and (god forbid I must pee in the night) can slide her off and over, slightly, scramble to lift my old legs high enough to get over said sheet, teeter on the edge until finding a way to get one or more legs on terra firma, then quietly - oh so quietly - do what I must. Returning to 'my bed' requires the same acrobatics, but on a good night, she is undisturbed.
If she is disturbed, she will flounce loudly from the room, then wait just long enough for you to get back to sleep. Once snoring has been properly established, she will return to the hallway outside of the bedroom door and pronounce in loud, increasingly high yowls "Wake, servants. I have brought you slipper (ugly green furry monster foot). Awake to give me praise." At least, that is what it sounds like. Everyone awakes, gives thanks and praise, then she may or may not deign to allow us to resume the (favored by her alone) position.
My god. Why do we put up with this??????