Should I rehome her?

[swiftt]

I’m at my wits end with my cat. I have 2, one is 4 and a half (female, spayed) and one is 3 and a half (male, neutered). Female cat has never been a massive fan of the new addition, but she seemed to have learned to tolerate him. They were both house cats until I moved to a house with a garden a couple of months ago.

Female cat had a horrible habit in the flat of peeing in my bed. Not regularly, maybe once every few weeks/months sometimes. Took her to the vet, no issues. Changed litter trays/litter, didn’t make a difference. Eventually I had to buy a new mattress, and since then the cats have been barred from my bedroom. Not ideal as they try and sneak in so I have to enter and exit the room like a ninja.

In the new house, they had access to garden and seemed quite happy. I still didn’t allow access to bedroom for fear of it happening again. I have done this in the past and she won’t pee in the bed for months, then all of a sudden she does it again. I’ve replaced so many duvets, electric blankets etc. I can’t afford to take the risk.

Fast forward to now, I’ve moved back into a flat as I’m 14 weeks pregnant and needed 2 bedrooms. I vowed that if she peed in the bed at this place, that I wouldn’t be able to keep her. I can’t risk her peeing in a cot or on baby’s things etc.

Moved in on Wednesday and everything was fine, she was sleeping on my bed and seemed really content. Went to bed last night to find a massive puddle of piss that had soaked right through my duvet, mattress protector, and electric blanket. I broke down in tears, had to drive an hour round trip at 11pm for a new duvet and sheets.

I really can’t handle this extra stress at the moment, and I can’t afford to keep replacing these things. I even had tin foil all over the bed when I moved in to try and deter her - she buried underneath it to pee on the bed anyway.

I honestly feel like I’m at my wits end. I don’t want to rehome her, I’ve had her since she was a kitten and I’m so fond of her. But I don’t feel like I can cope with this behaviour, and I don’t know what else to try. If it was a one off because of the stress of moving etc, I’d be more understanding. But it’s a recurrent issue that has been spanning years now. She also pulls kickboards from the kitchen off and is generally getting more destructive.

I’m on my own, struggling as it is, and with a baby on the way I just don’t feel like I can cope with my cat’s behaviour. I feel like a horrible person for considering it, but I just feel like my only option is to rehome her. I could go back to shutting her out of my bedroom, but it’s such a faff having to do that with them trying to sneak in, and to have the extra stress of that along with a newborn and the possibility of going to a piss soaked bed when I already won’t be getting much sleep is really upsetting me.

I wouldn’t take her to a rescue centre or anything, I would try to find someone I know to take her. Am I being awful? What else can I do?

She's clearly unhappy so I would rehome her. But do take her to a rescue centre. You don't know where she could end up otherwise.

Cystease capsules?

Wednesday isn’t that long for her to acclimatise really.

In the meantime, OP, have you tried Zylkene (available online or via a vet) or Feliway or similar?

This does sound like a stress reaction.

I know it hasn’t been long since Wednesday. But she did this in my old flat and we had been there for 3 years. It doesn’t seem to be triggered by any particular stressors.

I can’t afford, either financially or mentally, to risk it happening again so I would have to block access to the bedroom again. Then risk it happening again when I do let her back in, which is what has happened time and time before. She doesn’t urinate anywhere else outside of the litter box, only in my bed when she can get into the room.

I had a Feliway plug-in when I last moved, more for my other cat as he can get quite anxious. But my female cat doesn’t seem stressed or upset at all, she had been curled up on the bed fast asleep before pissing on it. And again, I don’t think I can put myself through trying any of this and still having it happen again. If this was the first time, I’d be more open to trying things to stop it. But it seems to happen again and again, no matter what. I’ve just spent more money at the launderette getting every washed and dried again, I’ve scrubbed the mattress as much as I can but it’s soaked right through. I feel sick with the upset but I just think I’m at my wits end.

I sympathise massively and feel like I live in a prison trying to keep doors closed just incase. What's happening now is piss on my stairs, it's random but a bloody nightmare.. I'm fed up and also don't know what to do

Which litter are you using, out of interest?. Cats don’t want to do this there’s usually an underlying issue.

@Fluffycloudland77 wood pellet litter. When the bedroom door is shut, she doesn’t pee anywhere else except the litter trays so I can’t see it being an issue with the trays or litter as she would move the behaviour elsewhere then, wouldn’t she? I am going to start letting her outside again to see if that helps. There is a drying area so not quite a garden but hopefully enough for her to have a roam.

@heom45 oh I’m sorry, it’s awful isn’t it? If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d probably just deal with it but I need to think about the practicality of having a baby around and a cat potentially pissing on things that it shouldn’t. Have you taken your cat to the vet? That was the first thing I did when mine started this, just to rule out any medical issues.

I couldn’t imagine rehoming a cat when I could just be really careful and not let her in my bedroom. It’s a bit of a pain but very easily done.

I’d say she’s probably very anxious for some reason. Rehoming her will only add to her anxiety and her new owners may also decide they can’t cope. She could end up being passed on for the rest of her live or maybe even being dumped. Poor cat.

You need to take responsibility for her and keep you bedroom door shut whilst working on her anxiety.

I think the solution is just to get used to keeping your bedroom door shut. Keep spray bottle by the door and squirt them if they try to run in when you open it- they'll get the idea that being by the door isn't fun.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze that’s what I’ve been doing on and off for the last 3 and a half years. The only reason I can’t keep doing that is I’m going to have a baby and baby things around, and the last thing I’m going to need is for the cat to pee on anything else. I’m on my own, and the thought of it happening with a newborn is really stressing me out. I think she would be happier elsewhere with no other cats, and proper access to the outdoors. I can keep her out of the bedroom, but it feels selfish to me because I genuinely think she would be happier elsewhere. It’s not a massive flat, so to restrict access to the bedrooms (and kitchen as she’s now started to pull the kick boards out) doesn’t leave her with much space at all, and I don’t think that’s fair. This isn’t a decision I’m taking lightly at all.

@reefedsail that’s what I’m going to have to do for now, but that can’t be a long term solution in a small flat with a baby on the way. I just don’t feel like I’ll be able to cope on my own with a cat cooped up in a flat with restricted access to rooms, and a baby around too. My mum has said she’s going to try and convince my dad that they should take her, which would be ideal because she’d have access to a huge garden, no other cats and I could still see her and know that she’s well looked after.

Also, I don’t think it’s an anxiety thing. She’s been to the vet numerous times and they have never commented that she seems stressed or anxious. She uses the litter tray consistently when access to the bedroom is blocked. I think she either thinks my feather duvet is a luxurious toilet, or it’s a jealousy thing over the other cat.

Have you tried ultraclumping litter? Whenever there’s a cat on here doing this it’s wood pellet litter which must be quite uncomfortable to stand on when you have soft paw pads.

It's really hard and I've the same problem. This one area, he does use his tray. We've had changes of litter and god knows what makes him think randomly he can just pee there.. Yet quite a lot of the time it's the tray.. Sigh.

@Fluffycloudland77 no, but I’ll give it a go. They’ve always used the wood litter since they were kittens and has never been a problem. But would maybe make sense that she finds the duvet super comfy and a good spot to pee. I would wonder though, if that were the issue then surely she’d find the same pleasure in things like the sofa and shaggy rugs.

Ours would use it in the cattery but not at home. You need one tray per cat plus one extra.

Ours liked it ankle deep. Any less and he’d wee on the hob.

I’m going to keep her out of the bedroom for now. I’ll start letting her have access to the outdoor drying area. I’m going to get another litter tray with a different kind of litter, and I’m also going to see the vet again to make sure there’s nothing else going on. After a month or two, I’ll gradually allow access to bedroom again (with a waterproof mattress protector on!). Hopefully she won’t do it again, but if she does at that point then I’ll have to look at rehoming. But I’ve been so upset all morning at the thought of getting rid of her, I think I do need to try again to fix the problem and work with her. My hormones really aren’t helping at the moment, I’ve been an emotional wreck all week and this has just been the final icing on the cake. Thanks for all of the advice.

Have you tried providing a litter tray in the bedroom as an alternative to her peeing on the bed? Does she have plenty of scratching posts/boards as scratching is a cleaner way of scent-marking?

@Yippeeforme no litter tray in bedroom but one in hall and one in spare room (well, the cats room as the only stuff in it at the moment is their stuff!). They have a huge cat climbing tree with scratching posts etc. I’ll try a tray in the bedroom when I start to reintroduce her to the bedroom.

We have just bought a huge waterproof throw. Looks like a normal throw with a waterproof layer inside.
About £60, covers the whole kingsize bed and can be washed and tumble dried.

@pateandcheese do you have a link?

Two cats should have 3 litter boxes
Try a different litter.

We went through a phase with the cats peeing on the bed everyday! Our laundrette became a friend!

We did the following

Changed litter
More litter boxes
Feliway pluggin
Kept out of bedrooms for a month, supervised only after that.
Catnip spray on duvets and playing on beds with treats to change the association.
Heavy duty mattress protectors.

This definitely sounds like a stress reaction. Is she insured? Vets often don't know about behaviour, it's best to get a behaviourist in to help, this is often covered by insurance. Keeping her out of the bedroom will make things worse, I understand why you are doing that but it will stress her more. Definitely use Feliway, give her plenty of places to hide, an extra litter tray, this will need work though so if you aren't prepared to do that, rehoming her through a cat charity is the best option, being honest with them with her problem so they can find her the right home.

The litter I use is like sand. She might find that more comfortable on her paws. One of mine also liked it really deep
And would protest pee if it wasn't right!

Our cat has done it a couple of times over the years. We let the mattress dry out and just wash the sheets at 60 degrees. Are we unhygienic? Is there something in cat pee that means we need to replace the bedding?

Sympathise with you OP. When we have fresh sheets and are looking forward to bed after a long day...and then find a puddle on the duvet 😲