Should I rehome her?

[swiftt]

I’m at my wits end with my cat. I have 2, one is 4 and a half (female, spayed) and one is 3 and a half (male, neutered). Female cat has never been a massive fan of the new addition, but she seemed to have learned to tolerate him. They were both house cats until I moved to a house with a garden a couple of months ago.

Female cat had a horrible habit in the flat of peeing in my bed. Not regularly, maybe once every few weeks/months sometimes. Took her to the vet, no issues. Changed litter trays/litter, didn’t make a difference. Eventually I had to buy a new mattress, and since then the cats have been barred from my bedroom. Not ideal as they try and sneak in so I have to enter and exit the room like a ninja.

In the new house, they had access to garden and seemed quite happy. I still didn’t allow access to bedroom for fear of it happening again. I have done this in the past and she won’t pee in the bed for months, then all of a sudden she does it again. I’ve replaced so many duvets, electric blankets etc. I can’t afford to take the risk.

Fast forward to now, I’ve moved back into a flat as I’m 14 weeks pregnant and needed 2 bedrooms. I vowed that if she peed in the bed at this place, that I wouldn’t be able to keep her. I can’t risk her peeing in a cot or on baby’s things etc.

Moved in on Wednesday and everything was fine, she was sleeping on my bed and seemed really content. Went to bed last night to find a massive puddle of piss that had soaked right through my duvet, mattress protector, and electric blanket. I broke down in tears, had to drive an hour round trip at 11pm for a new duvet and sheets.

I really can’t handle this extra stress at the moment, and I can’t afford to keep replacing these things. I even had tin foil all over the bed when I moved in to try and deter her - she buried underneath it to pee on the bed anyway.

I honestly feel like I’m at my wits end. I don’t want to rehome her, I’ve had her since she was a kitten and I’m so fond of her. But I don’t feel like I can cope with this behaviour, and I don’t know what else to try. If it was a one off because of the stress of moving etc, I’d be more understanding. But it’s a recurrent issue that has been spanning years now. She also pulls kickboards from the kitchen off and is generally getting more destructive.

I’m on my own, struggling as it is, and with a baby on the way I just don’t feel like I can cope with my cat’s behaviour. I feel like a horrible person for considering it, but I just feel like my only option is to rehome her. I could go back to shutting her out of my bedroom, but it’s such a faff having to do that with them trying to sneak in, and to have the extra stress of that along with a newborn and the possibility of going to a piss soaked bed when I already won’t be getting much sleep is really upsetting me.

I wouldn’t take her to a rescue centre or anything, I would try to find someone I know to take her. Am I being awful? What else can I do?

It is very stressful for s cat to move home. Your cats have moved from flat to house then go another flat. The large waterproof throw sounds a good idea. I would keep cats out of bedroom. I would allow cat in lounge and kitchen. If you feel stress your cat will pickup on it and show stress too. Get some Fuller's Earth for litter tray and make sure they are changed every day. Cats don't like dirty trays. When you get a cat you make s commitment to them, like when you have a baby. You just can't get rid of them when they become inconvenient. I have 4 cats and love them all to bits. I by had them all from kittens and I could never turn my back on them.

@swiftt this one here!

@Loveyourideas I usually bung the sheets in the washing machine, but the machine in new flat isn’t working. The duvet has been washed so many times that it’s gone all lumpy, and would have cost more to wash at the self service launderette than a cheap new one cost. I’m usually not this wasteful. Electric blanket is ruined though.

@caringcarer yes, I understand that. As I said, I’d have been much more understanding had this been a one off. But it was an issue long before I moved house, and doesn’t seem to be getting resolved even though I’ve tried numerous things. I’m going to try one last time with her, but I need to think about my mental well-being at this point, as well as having a baby on the scene. I would never have just gotten rid of her just because I was pregnant, this is absolutely a last resort if it comes to that. It may be that she’s genuinely unhappy and would be better off elsewhere. But I’ll do as much as I can to help her before I do go down the rehoming route.

@pateandcheese thank you - that looks like a worthwhile investment whilst I’m working on her behwviourB

*behaviour!

Any kind of ‘improper toileting’ is usually ‘stress’. I do really feel for you.
My old cat (no longer with us) would seem totally fine but then out of the blue would pee on the armchair - 15 mins later she’d be squatting passing bits of jellied/blood (sorry for TMI). Cystease stopped it, a capsule sprinkled in her food every 2nd day.

We rehomed our cat that starting weeing everywhere apparently she was stressed, she went to a single cat house and didn't wee inside at all x

@swiftt we got it because our dogs anal glands sometimes leak and it always soaks through a normal throw onto the duvet and we end up needing to do 2 washes at 11pm at night.
This throw has honestly been a life saver!

Also, I don’t think it’s an anxiety thing. She’s been to the vet numerous times and they have never commented that she seems stressed or anxious.

If you have paid for other tests to be done to rule things out then it will most likely be stress. Lots of cats suffer with anxiety and you have also moved house twice, will possibly have new things around ready for a new baby, you’ve introduced another cat to her since you’ve had her, she’s been an indoor cat, then outdoor. These things will certainly cause her anxiety or add to it if she was always an anxious cat.

You’ve let her back into a bedroom where you know she wees. Why? It’s not selfish to keep her out of the bedroom if it solves the problem of her weeing. You say you might have to rehome her because you don’t want her weeing on other things, but you’ve said she doesn’t wee anywhere else she shouldn’t so this makes no sense.

If you genuinely want to keep her, then you keep the bedroom door shut. You work to help her with her anxiety.

We had a cat who used to wee on anything new bought into the house. We couldn't leave anything new on the floor including bags of shopping. If we bought so much a new cushion we had to introduce her to it slowly. We got her before we had children and had to introduce her to baby items like Moses basket, bouncer etc when I was pregnant. We let her rub herself against them, smell them, left them in the same place. It was hard but she was a family member and would not have considered getting rid of her so we did what she needed. She is your responsibility, not something to be got rid of because you have a baby on the way. This is such a common response. My kids would be very upset if I told them I got rid of a pet because I was pregnant with them. Your child will love having 2 cats in the future, my son loved our anxious little cat. She was so sweet natured.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze I meant I would be worried that she would take to weeing on a baby’s bed too. I do want to keep her and I’ve stated in my last post that I’m going to try a few more things before I do consider rehoming her, but if the behaviour doesn’t stop then I will be rehoming her. If it’s a stress or anxiety thing that I can’t improve for her, then she obviously isn’t happy and it wouldn’t be fair for me to keep her for my sake. I want to do what’s best for her, I haven’t said oh I got pregnant and now I want to get rid of her. I will absolutely work with her whilst I can to try and stop the behaviour, but I can only put up with so much. Thanks for the advice. I do have a plan going forward, so hopefully she will adjust and settle down.

But just don’t give her access to your bedroom or where the babies bed is. Then she can’t wee on them.

Of course you can improve things for her. Be a constant presence, not make her face more stress by rehoming her. If you want to keep her, you will. By your posts I’m sure she will be rehomed very soon. It’s very selfish and uncaring. Just don’t get any pets in the future. I’m fed up of dealing with the consequences of people getting rid of their pets. And the annoying thing is, a few years down the line these owners who have disposed of one animal decide to get another, often only to do the same thing again. Do all of us a favour and never have another animal. 😡

Honestly who is going to want to rescue a cat with such an issue.
You just need to keep the door shut and not use the excuse of a baby coming to ditch the cat.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze wow, that’s really rude and uncalled for. Why would I have had her for 4 and a half years (around 3 of those whilst she’s been peeing on my bed) if I was a horrible cat owner who would get rid of her at the first opportunity? Why would I be in such a state at the moment trying to decide what’s best to do for her? She clearly isn’t happy and if I can’t make this home a happy place for her, it isn’t fair on me to keep her here. It’s also having a massive effect on my mental health - yet you suggest I just carry on. I’m trying to find a way to make the situation more manageable for both myself and for the cat.

@Wolfiefan I know, that’s why I had said I wouldn’t want to send her off to a rescue centre where she may sit for ages without a home, or be punted from home to home. My hope is that the issue would resolve itself upon her being an only cat, and having free access to roam outdoors again, as that was when she seemed the happiest. It doesn’t seem fair to me to coop her up in a flat again with another cat if that’s what’s making her unhappy.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze I’ve also explained several times how it’s not quite as simple as ‘just don’t let her in those rooms’. It’s not a huge flat. Restricting access to those rooms leaves her barely any areas to live in, which I think would make her more miserable. It’s not fair on either of us. She won’t be getting rehomed ‘very soon’ either, but thanks for the assumption. I will be trying the steps I outlined a few posts back for the next few months, and hopefully things will improve for both of us.

It doesn’t have to be a huge flat. Just sounds like you want to get rid of her TBH. When you take on an animal you try your hardest with them. Sounds like you just don’t want to.

She’ll be more stressed without you. I’m not suggesting you just carry on. I’m saying, do what she needs. Keep the bedroom door shut, read as much as you can about how to reduce anxiety and try those things. We had a cat that would wee on everything but we managed it as I wrote earlier. It’s not always easy, but when you sign up to a pet, you don’t know what you are getting. You should deal with it, not just get rid. Would you mental health not be more fucked up by getting rid your cat? Could you really just carry on with life and be happy? I couldn’t.

@Wolfiefan @BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze if I wanted to ‘just get rid of her’, I’d have done that and not even bothered to post here. As I’ve explained (several times now actually), I am doing what she needs in an effort to be able to keep her.

This morning, I was in a complete state. I’d barely slept, I’d been up much later than usual buying new bedding and making the bed, I’m already feeling quite down and emotionally shaky with hormones, and I couldn’t really think straight about it. As the day has gone on, I definitely am much in the mindset of doing as much as I can, with rehoming being an absolute last resort. I just really hope something gives.

Hi Op, have you tried a pet urine odour spray that will neutralise the area of the bed that the cat previously peed on? I can imagine you're tired of it all but hopefully you'll figure something out that will work. You can find a bottle on Amazon.

@Confusedcatlady1 yes, tried that before I ended up buying a new mattress, duvet etc. Thank you though.

That's a shame. Hopefully somebody will come along on here who can recommend something that works - I can imagine it's a tough situation to be in. Our dog use to do it and it drove us potty (he'd pee at the end of the bed whilst we were asleep - it was very disconcerting to wake up to sound of the pet taking a tinkle

OP I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time - it's clear from your posts that you don't want to re-home her but you also can't cope as things stand.

You may have already tried it, but pet remedy plugins worked wonders for my two when feliway didn't scratch the surface, and zylkene is also excellent for high stress situations so could be worth trying longer term? I don't think there's a limit on how long cats can have it.

Definitely check with vet again and I think the behaviourist is a good call too if you can manage it/get it on insurance. There must be something underneath it as it's a very specific behaviour.

Good luck - I hope you can make it work!

Was she okay before you got your second cat? Do you think she is stressed by the presence of the other cat?

@hilariousnamehere thanks, I’ve just ordered some pet remedy plug ins, a waterproof bed blanket and will book an app with the vet this week.

@SatishTheCat the peeing on bed only started after the second cat arrived. They seem to get on fine so I’m only now thinking that it’s perhaps related.

Zylkene.

Okay, it might be a territorial thing. I am not an expert but if you have the space, it may be worth having their beds and feeding areas in different rooms.