Should I rehome her?

[swiftt]

I’m at my wits end with my cat. I have 2, one is 4 and a half (female, spayed) and one is 3 and a half (male, neutered). Female cat has never been a massive fan of the new addition, but she seemed to have learned to tolerate him. They were both house cats until I moved to a house with a garden a couple of months ago.

Female cat had a horrible habit in the flat of peeing in my bed. Not regularly, maybe once every few weeks/months sometimes. Took her to the vet, no issues. Changed litter trays/litter, didn’t make a difference. Eventually I had to buy a new mattress, and since then the cats have been barred from my bedroom. Not ideal as they try and sneak in so I have to enter and exit the room like a ninja.

In the new house, they had access to garden and seemed quite happy. I still didn’t allow access to bedroom for fear of it happening again. I have done this in the past and she won’t pee in the bed for months, then all of a sudden she does it again. I’ve replaced so many duvets, electric blankets etc. I can’t afford to take the risk.

Fast forward to now, I’ve moved back into a flat as I’m 14 weeks pregnant and needed 2 bedrooms. I vowed that if she peed in the bed at this place, that I wouldn’t be able to keep her. I can’t risk her peeing in a cot or on baby’s things etc.

Moved in on Wednesday and everything was fine, she was sleeping on my bed and seemed really content. Went to bed last night to find a massive puddle of piss that had soaked right through my duvet, mattress protector, and electric blanket. I broke down in tears, had to drive an hour round trip at 11pm for a new duvet and sheets.

I really can’t handle this extra stress at the moment, and I can’t afford to keep replacing these things. I even had tin foil all over the bed when I moved in to try and deter her - she buried underneath it to pee on the bed anyway.

I honestly feel like I’m at my wits end. I don’t want to rehome her, I’ve had her since she was a kitten and I’m so fond of her. But I don’t feel like I can cope with this behaviour, and I don’t know what else to try. If it was a one off because of the stress of moving etc, I’d be more understanding. But it’s a recurrent issue that has been spanning years now. She also pulls kickboards from the kitchen off and is generally getting more destructive.

I’m on my own, struggling as it is, and with a baby on the way I just don’t feel like I can cope with my cat’s behaviour. I feel like a horrible person for considering it, but I just feel like my only option is to rehome her. I could go back to shutting her out of my bedroom, but it’s such a faff having to do that with them trying to sneak in, and to have the extra stress of that along with a newborn and the possibility of going to a piss soaked bed when I already won’t be getting much sleep is really upsetting me.

I wouldn’t take her to a rescue centre or anything, I would try to find someone I know to take her. Am I being awful? What else can I do?

Don’t forget the ultraclumping litter, there was bbc pet behaviourist show where a Birman was repeatedly weeing on the bed & soaking everything, they changed his litter & he stopped doing it.

I think they should make wood pellets smaller or into granules not pellets because it hurts when I stand on one it must be quite uncomfortable for a cat to stand on them. It’s like using a layer of loose Lego to floor your bathroom.

@Fluffycloudland77 yes, I’ll definitely try that first as that would be the easiest solution. Thank you!

Your male cat may also run out at her when she’s approaching the litter tray, scaring her off.

I’m a very new cat owner so I have no advice to give but one thing I’ve noticed from some of the threads here and on certain rescue FB pages is how brutal some cat owners are. A certain rescue page is more brutal than AIBU. Perhaps people have forgotten how hard it can be when you’re pregnant and moving house is stressful for people too ( it also seems like the OP is having a child on her own too which is no small undertaking ) So perhaps a little moderation in how you address people would be in order. Good luck OP in addressing the problem - it seems like you have lots of suggestions.

I have a rescue cat since Oct. she was spraying over doors constantly. .I think a combination of a very large enclosed litter tray, cystease has stopped the problem. maybe an enclosed tray would help as you have two cats.she would feel safer?

It sounds like the cat was stressed by the introduction of a new cat given that's when the behaviour started. Alongside that moving a couple of times and going from being an indoor to outdoor cat and back is quite a bit of upheaval. Does she have a space where she can escape from the other cat or is it possible for her to go out and get away from the other cat? While I get the odd accident is annoying (and from what you have said it's not a regular occurrence), rehoming seems extreme. There isn't really any reason to think the cat will pee on the baby's things given what you have said, the baby however...

Sorry, OP, I forgot the link - zylkenepet.co.uk

You can soak wood pellets with a bit of water to make them break down into sawdust which is a lot softer.

It can be quite difficult for two cats to share a small space if they're not a good match. That the behaviour is only occasional suggests they can get on most of the time but your older cat may struggle at times when routines are upset. I think you're right to be concerned the arrival of a new baby could cause problems. I also disagree with those saying you shouldn't rehome her, she could well benefit from being an only cat and your remaining cat may well be happier too. It sounds like your parents could offer a lovely home so I think it's a good back up option if you can't resolve the issue.
I agree with SatishTheCat that cats can sometimes find it stressful to be fed alongside each other even if they seem fine while eating so creating separate eating areas could be worth a try (though difficult in a small flat, I know). Positioning of litter trays is also important if there are tensions, as well as type of litter. There are guides to this available if you Google it. If I have time I'll find a link.
I also agree with you on the question of keeping the bedroom door shut. I don't see this as any kind of long term solution and feel it will only distress her more as whatever is causing the behaviour will still be there even if she no longer has access to the bedroom. A long term solution is needed and I really hope it can be resolved.

I’ve noticed from some of the threads here and on certain rescue FB pages is how brutal some cat owners are. A certain rescue page is more brutal than AIBU. Perhaps people have forgotten how hard it can be when you’re pregnant and moving house is stressful for people too ( it also seems like the OP is having a child on her own too which is no small undertaking ) So perhaps a little moderation in how you address people would be in order.

Brutal? It’s hardly brutal to say that if you choose to have a pet, then you deal with whatever that brings. You shouldn’t feel it’s ok to get rid of an animal because it does things other than sit there and look cute and behave how you think it should. People get sick of reading threads about people considering rehoming animals because they’re not quite what they imagined, it often seems to be when there’s a new baby in the way.
OP has taken on a cat, introduced a new cat to its home, moved twice and has changed the cats territory from indoor to outdoor. She’s insisting that a bedroom door be kept open in the longer term even though closing it seemingly solves the weeing problem. The cat has been displaying these behaviours for 3 years yet the OP hasn’t tried many of the things suggested here, most of which are basic and can easily be found with googling. Yet she seems to think she’s really tried to the point that rehoming is a consideration.

If you think saying it like it is, is brutal, I disagree. If you’re not willing to fully commit to an animal, don’t have one.

This is a good article on potential causes and possible solutions that might be helpful:

www.catster.com/cat-health-care/cat-peeing-on-the-bed-or-couch