To think that losing a companion animal can be harder than losing a person?

[blackkitty1234]

I have lost multiple cats and a dog. My most recent loss was particularly traumatic. It doesn’t feel like people really understand. It feels as if you’re expected to just get over it in a couple of days. If I had lost a relative or close friend then people would be more understanding. My work could have been granted compassionate leave. There’s so much support out there for bereavement (numerous charities, counselling, etc) but it seems like it’s all limited to the death of people and does not extend to animals. I think losing an animal you love can be harder because the support just isn’t there that you might have had you lost a relative or close friend.

I've trained with my local hospice in bereavement counselling. You are taught loss is loss . It does not matter it's your great aunt Fanny , or Bert down the road or even the pigeon you used to feed and have found dead in the garden.
My feelings of loss are not greater than yours , it's not a competition on who feels the bigger bereavement.

I'm not a pet person. I like animals as part of our ecosystem but I don't truly get the whole domestication for companionship thing.
However when my dear friend who is a pet lover loses a dog (mouse / bearded dragon/cat) I wouldn't dream of telling her it isn't as bad as the time she lost her dad/mum/close friend. Because I love her and she's my friend and why would I be a twat and upset her?

Never have a heard a story if someone struggling with grief and someone else said "get over it, it isn't that bad" resulting in the person dusting thrmself down and getting on cheerily. I don't have to understand her grief in order to accept it.

Plus grief compounds. My friends dog was with her throughout the time she was alive in carer for her mum, so it was a bit like turning a knife in the wound of having lost her mum.
Sorry for your loss, OP.i hope you get some support for your grief and for your mental health.

I have had pets all my life so over the years have felt the loss of many animal companions.
I have also lost my husband, the man I choose to have a family with and spent 30 years of my life with. The man who I held and comforted when he was told he was terminal with a prognosis of 3 months and he came to terms with the fact he would never see his children marry, see his grandchild and do all the things we had planned for retirement.
So no the loss of a pet is in no way comparable to the loss of a husband/wife/parent or child and whilst I have sympathy for anyone going though any loss if in real life and you were a friend who you compared the loss of your cat to my husband I would probably never speak to you again.

Yes, I’ve felt more grief over the loss of a pet than I have over the loss of a human. I don’t really care if that offends anyone, it’s my personal feelings of loss.

Depends. My paternal GPs were awful and I don’t miss them in the slightest, my Maternal GP were ok if a bit cold and we saw them about 3 times a year so I wasn’t too bothered when they died.
I do still shed a tear when I think about certain animals I have lost though and when Ddog dies I know I will be devastated.
I think some animals are a bigger part of our lives than humans so it’s natural to be more upset when they have gone

Since lock down, we have become so much closer to our dig. His personality has changed too - seems so much more “human” and we’re very, very close. I know I’ll be devastated when he dies and have a huge hole in our lives

However, from the day we got him as a puppy Ive told the family how long this breed lives on average snd we need to cherish the time we have with him. He’s considered an old dog now. We know we will feel the hole so we are getting in breeders waiting lists now. I don’t think any dog will ever measure up to this one but we know we feel complete with a dog in our lives (he’s not our first dog either)

So no, YANBU but you do need to realise that dogs don’t live that long and you need to move on. Find something to fill that hole, be it a new hobby, a different new pet or another dog.

I have to say though, when a colleague heard through the grapevine I had had a Mc at 12 weeks and phoned me to tell me he “knew how I felt” because his cat died recently I did almost tell him to F off

I don’t understand why people are so rude to the OP. She is talking about her feelings and for some people it is absolutely true that losing a pet which is huge part of your daily life and is an innocent uncomplicated love can be worse than a losing a person who they might have had a difficult relationship with.

The person who said that a pet is on borrowed time then I’d say that is the same for many older relations - we expect to outlive our parents and grandparents. I don’t think anyone had claimed that losing a pet is worse than losing a child but I’ll certainly much sadder when my dog dies than when my granny died. He is with me all the time and will create a massive hole in my life which her death hasn’t.

Do people really have so little imagination that they cannot understand that everyone’s situation is different and pets can be an integral part of someone’s life.

As someone who lost their partner 5 weeks ago and had to have their elderly dog euthanased just 2 days later, and I can tell you there is no comparison
...for you! It doesn't mean it applies to 3 everyone.

I had a miscarriage and this in no way was as painful as what it will be like when I lose my dog, but it would never cross my mind to tell someone suffering a miscarriage that I understood because I would be grieving for months when my dog dies.

Our attachment to what we lose is personal and therefore different for all of us.

@blackkitty1234 - as requested, we're moving this over to The Litter Tray now.

@dontdisturbmenow your last sentence certainly sums up how grief and attachment are acutely individual and personal.

Yanbu- although some won’t understand.

I lost both of my babies late in pregnancy after numerous early miscarriages. I never got a third chance. It was devastating. It left me absolutely broken. I loved them but they were never to be mine.

I lost people dear to me, my OH left and I was alone and a shadow.

My dog gave me a reason to live. A reason to battle. A reason to go on - for her. She was my absolute everything.

And I was inconsolable when she died. I wasn’t there for her as I didn’t realise she was dying. The guilt of that will never leave me.

Some in my family couldn’t understand. They thought the grief I went through was disproportionate to the other events in my life.

But she was here. She was here and she was constant. I didn’t get to hold my babies. But I held her every day for years. We were together for most of the day. I can still break when I think of her.

I’m not comparing my loss to anyone else. I can only go how I feel. And no one in my family understands.

But love is love and grief is grief and loss is loss and no one can say how anyone is allowed to feel. We feel what we feel. There doesn’t need to be comparisons.

I miss her every day.

I understand.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. pet loss leads to real grief.
I cried more when I put my beloved dog to sleep in my arms than I did my great uncle who was 95 and I only saw twice a year. It doesn’t mean I think my dog had more value on this planet than my great uncle but I felt the loss of my dog more because I saw him every day.

I’m sort of neutral when it comes to animals, but when my darling little dog died suddenly (and tragically) the same year in which my adored father died, gracefully and peacefully, I was a wailing sobbing mess, as I think the loss of my dog brought all my pent up grief for my dad to the surface.

She also died on his birthday so I liked t think she was sent as a companion for him, as I used to tell him all about her naughty antics.

Absolutely not. I lost my darling elderly kitty this July, the same week as I lost my Dad. The grief I felt for Poppy is nothing like that I still feel for my DAd.

My work were brilliant on the day I had to have Maia PTS, but I'd never expect compassionate leave for it.

And as awful
As it is. We know that our pets don't live for any where near as long as they should. And we know we will have to deal with it when it does happen. It does t make it any easier though.

I had three days off after I lost my horse. My legs went from under me when I found out and I still can't talk about her
Horses are a giant part of life - as in size and the amount of time/commitment they take up. For me, whenever anything was wrong or crappy, she was my go to whether to ride or just chat to. When she died, all I wanted was her. It was like wanting to go home, but my home had gone

[quote blackkitty1234]@fishykettles
Get lost. It is possible to discuss your own negative experiences without undermining someone in a worse situation.[/quote]
Losing a pet is not worse than losing a parent.

@fishykettles it depends. Not everyone's parents are loving, and some people don't have contact with their parents. Personally when my mum dies, I imagine I'll be a bit upset for a day or so. We don't really speak

I’ll feel nothing when my parents go 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Still heartbroken about my little cat a year after he died. He was my baby & made me happy.

@fishykettles
Not for you. But for me it was much worse. I don’t expect you to understand.

@Fluffycloudland77 @QueenPaws
Same here. I seldom speak to my mother for good reason so I don’t expect to be very upset at all. I didn’t realise how integral he was to my daily life until he was gone. I totally relate to feeling like your home is gone. We are moving houses in a few months, lots of things promoted the move including me being pregnant but it was also due to the fact that the house will never be the same again.

We know that our pets don't live for any where near as long as they should

Sadly this particular cat was just 2 years old. It was a traumatic death and a massive shock. If he had been elderly and died peacefully then I think I would have coped better.

@TheLadyOfShallnott
Thank you. I’m sorry to read of your losses. You’re absolutely right. If it wasn’t for my dog needing walked I am not sure I would bother getting up some days. They give so much and ask for so little x

Thank you blackkitty

Losing a pet can be much worse than losing a parent in some cases
Not all of us love one or both of our parents, hard for people with decent parents to understand I know, but true