To think that losing a companion animal can be harder than losing a person?

[blackkitty1234]

I have lost multiple cats and a dog. My most recent loss was particularly traumatic. It doesn’t feel like people really understand. It feels as if you’re expected to just get over it in a couple of days. If I had lost a relative or close friend then people would be more understanding. My work could have been granted compassionate leave. There’s so much support out there for bereavement (numerous charities, counselling, etc) but it seems like it’s all limited to the death of people and does not extend to animals. I think losing an animal you love can be harder because the support just isn’t there that you might have had you lost a relative or close friend.

I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through.

I don’t think AIBU is the best place for this topic. I believe that grief isn’t a competition and everyone is affected and manages it differently. I’ve got a wonderful companion animal and I will be heartbroken when he dies (and am dreading it happening) but it’s not even in the same league as when my daughter died.

I lost my car suddenly and unexpectedly a few weeks ago. It was at home, so not traumatic in terms of a road accident. But a massive shock. I just found her dead. I cried for 2 days pretty much solid and have cried everyday since.

I feel like I'm still so raw and when I think about it I feel a massive empty loss. Just as you do when it's a person. I'm nit sure non pet lovers get this. Or even people who have pets but don't feel they're part if the family. I'm so sorry dot your loss op. I totally understand.

@FourPlatinumRings

It's not a competition.

So helpful. Aren't you a gem.

I think the thread title is very unfortunate.
I still can't walk past the house where my neighbour lives. He told me he understood how I felt when my son died because his aunt's dog had died. I am sure he meant well, he just didn't think, but it was still an incredibly tactless thing to say.
I do sympathise with anyone who has lost a much loved pet. I cried for days when I had our beloved cat PTS.
But 4 years on, I still cry every day over my son.
I am sorry you have lost your much loved pet OP, but it really isn't the same as losing a husband, a sibling, a child.

@Hellotheresweet

No I don’t

And it’s for this reason in your OP

* I have lost multiple cats and a dog*

When people lose loved ones, there’s no possibility of multiple replacements.

This, plus animals generally don't live as long as humans. So it's more expected that you will outlive them/not have them around for so long. For most people we've accepted, even from the day we get them, that this will be the case. It's not such a shock when it happens. I'm glad I had the pets I did for as long as I did, but I expected their loss.

In the same way that the loss of my grandparents isn't half a heartbreaking as the early loss of my mum.

Neither did you.

Hence their lack of definitive comment on the statement

You daft article

@WhatATimeToBeAlive

YANBU. I lost my beloved dog 4 years ago, having had her for most of her 17 years. I was a mess to be honest when it happened. I told work and took a duvet day and they were so kind to me the next day. I don't have kids by choice, and she really was my fluffy rock. She helped me get through redundancies, divorce and health issues. Fortunately most of my friends are animal lovers and they were very sympathetic. I think part of the reason it's more difficult is because they are with you every day. When my dad passed away a couple of years ago, I found it easier to deal with in a way because I wasn't constantly expecting to see him, although I was obviously grieving. There is pet bereavement counselling available, Google will have some suggestions and this might help you cope with your loss.

This has been exactly my experience. When my dogs have died, I have missed their constant presence in my house, doing things with them every day, laughing at them, talking to them, stroking them. Obviously I miss my father, who died a year ago, but I'm not expecting to see him all around my house. Our current dog is now ten and I know we will all find it very upsetting when she goes. I'm dreading it already.

@MedusasBadHairDay

I sort of agree with you. The cat I recently lost was only two years old, it wasn’t his time and the death was awful so it was especially traumatic and shocking.

The other two cats I lost previously were elderly, they were ready to go and we had them PTS in a peaceful way. That made a massive difference.

I don’t think it’s fair to say that an animal can be replaced, not after you’ve had that bond with them.

I notice in your posts that you mention support and recognition of your grief from others a lot. I think this is the crux. I don't care what other people think and I don't need their support or sympathy. I don't look for validation of my feelings from them. If I want to take two days holiday following the death of a pet, I will. I'll wallow and grieve how and when I want. Perhaps that's something you can work on OP? Not caring about the reactions or behaviour of others.

blackkitty That makes sense, I've had more pet rats than any other type of pet. We're lucky if they make it to 3 years, and quite a few have been rescues, so we know they won't be with us long. Only one of the deaths really upset me, because it was out of the blue. Just woke up one morning and he was gone.

I'll be honest, they are a little replaceable for me. I think if you have a lot of pets it can get that way.

I hope your grief eases up a little, and you are getting some support.

@DianaT1969

I notice in your posts that you mention support and recognition of your grief from others a lot. I think this is the crux. I don't care what other people think and I don't need their support or sympathy. I don't look for validation of my feelings from them. If I want to take two days holiday following the death of a pet, I will. I'll wallow and grieve how and when I want. Perhaps that's something you can work on OP? Not caring about the reactions or behaviour of others.

Thanks but I’ve not been back to my work in six months anyway. GP signed me off.

As someone who is not an animal lover I just don't get it at all.

Humans aren't replaceable but pets are.

We just think differently, I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can find some help with your grief but to me there is no comparison.

I prefer my dog to some members of my family. Had you met my siblings - which I haven't in over three years - you would know why.

Some people might not understand how important that relationship is. Some people might think that all people are more important than a "pet". But that is for them - not for anyone else. Grief is what it is, and nobody has a right to tell you that mourning a relationship with another creature is wrong. Ignore anyone who does.

@MedusasBadHairDay - I take on board and understand your response to my previous point.

Pets are not necessarily replaceable. A subsequent loved pet doesn't replace the one who died or erase the memory of their death.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Losing a pet is devastating. They give unconditional love (whereas love between humans is conditional). They don't judge and are there for you in the good times and in the bad. They can sense your moods and comfort you and really ask very little in return.

I can remember vividly when my first dog died, very unexpectedly, many years ago. It took me a long time to come to terms with. Fortunately my family understood and I just ignored the ignoramuses which included my boss. I took a day off work and then had to travel a couple of hundred miles to a meeting with him the next day. The first thing he said was "Are you over it now?"😂

When my lovely MIL died, I was very upset. I truly loved her but I did feel more heartache and grief over my dog who I was with 24/7.

So, I understand, OP and sympathise with your deep loss. I have since more pets whose deaths were equally heart-breaking. Then I lost my own parents and nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the grief I am feeling over their loss. Maybe it is because they are more recent. Who can say?

@fishykettles, I don't think it is helpful to put a biscuit. The OP is really hurting. Have some compassion. You could just scroll on by.

Humans aren't replaceable but pets are.

Pets are not replaceable - another cat or dog won't be the same as the one you lost. You have built up years of love, trust and memories with your pet - all gone when they die. If you choose to get another you are starting again with a stranger.

Humans aren't replaceable but pets are.
Well, if a dog dies and you consider it replaceable and buy another that has been born, why is that any different to a human baby dying and having another to "replace" it.
In truth, neither are replaceable. Each pet has its own personality and qualities - the things that make all of us individual.

I would have got it last year. Now that I got my dog, a dog who is an integral part of my life, I totally get it.

[quote ilovesooty]@MedusasBadHairDay - I take on board and understand your response to my previous point.[/quote]
Thank you

OP - it never gets easier, does it? Our last two dogs went during operations where unexpected complications were found, so we didn't really get to say goodbye properly to either. Two of my horses are in their 20s now and I'm dreading when the day comes for them.

A friend of mine has a big team of working dogs, they're not just her companions but her daily work colleagues as well. She's had to have two of her elderlies put to sleep in the last month and is about to lose a third to cancer and her grief is just as strong as it would be for a human.

Comparing the loss of an animal to the loss of a relative is extremely crass.

The two are different, and the truth is that animals are only ever with us on borrowed time, and we know that we are going to lose them, that doesn’t mean it’s not hard, but tbh if you are more affected by the loss of an animal than the loss of a relative then perhaps you should consider whether having animals is a good idea, given you know they will die. Plenty of people do just that. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t had any more small animals as they just don’t live long enough.

My partner lost his brother and his guide dog this year. He was there when both died, and there was definitely grief in both instances. He wasn’t close to his brother, but the guide dog was with him constantly, so it was a real loss iyswim. But life has to go on and while grief is real it’s not the same...

Grief can't be measured. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can find some support groups local or online.
It depends on the relationship you had with the person/animal I've had family die but losing my DM and the circumstances around it are very hard.
Had she died with us holding her hand it may not be so traumatic.
You can't plan your death or measure grief the worst part is you've no choice but to except it.
I hope you feel better soon. ❤

Really, it seems its your mental health that was the main factor in the grief over the cat. Not the actual death.
I can't really see the point in posting something like this in AIBU if you're going to get arsey over other opinions. I'd much rather my dog died than my child or a parent for example if it was a choice. No qualms in saying it.

As someone who lost their partner 5 weeks ago and had to have their elderly dog euthanased just 2 days later, and I can tell you there is no comparison.

I remember my DD with fondness and affection, I am still racked with grief about my DP.