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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

If, entirely hypothetically, your dh said you couldn’t get a cat

53 replies

HeffalumpsDaughter · 15/12/2018 14:48

Circumstances are dh works away Monday-Friday. He does no housework so the feeding and cleaning of it wouldn’t be his problem. Dc1 is autistic and has been having a truly awful time with bullying lately. He has always wanted a cat as a friend and we regularly drive a 2.5 hour round trip so that dc can go and see my friends cat and have a chat with it. Dh has no allergies, just doesn’t like the idea of animals in the house. He also thinks it will mean his dm will no longer come and stay as she’s ‘allergic’ (she has basically kidnapped her neighbours cat though and it lives at her house half the week).

I’m very tempted to have a stray cat turn up on our doorstep that we simply can’t let out in the terrible weather. Would this make me an awful person? Dh and I are almost at separation stage as it is so this may well be the final nail in the coffin. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

OP posts:

Mummyoftwo91 · 15/12/2018 14:56

Fuck it, get the cat!

EyeRolls · 15/12/2018 15:02

Get the cat.

Pixel99 · 15/12/2018 15:02

Another vote for get a cat, especially if it helps DC1.

ohwellinthatcasetryprunes · 15/12/2018 15:03

I'd never have married someone who didn't like cats in the first place.

LikeLadyGodiva · 15/12/2018 15:09

Get a cat. Ditch DH

pickingdaisies · 15/12/2018 15:11

Cat cat cat!

PositivelyPERF · 15/12/2018 15:13

Get the cat. My dear husband was annoyed when I said I was getting a kitten. We had a great relationship but he was very annoyed about this. I arrived home with two and he was besotted within a week. We ended up with seven. 🤣

PositivelyPERF · 15/12/2018 15:15

BTW, my youngest has SN/autism and her wee kitty sleeps in here room. I clean the tray, but she ensures that kitty is fed and watered and has plenty of cuddles. They adore each other.

RedForShort · 15/12/2018 15:15

Have a household vote. Majority wins.

RoseDog · 15/12/2018 15:17

My dp came home from playing golf one day and we had a new cat, took him a few hours to notice, he doesn't do any of the cat care though but i'm ok with that!

Bacardi101 · 15/12/2018 15:18

Get the cat!!!

SleepWarrior · 15/12/2018 15:19

If you're at the point of possibly separating then surely getting a cat afterwards would be more sensible?

And yes, maybe he's being silly about the cat if it would help your son, but deliberately pissing each other off in the run up to the separation will surely make the atmosphere even more unbearable?

A fresh start and new cat that is free of an associations with arguing patents (because you're going to fight about the cat if you think it'll be the 'final nail') sounds healthier to me.

Sorry it's a tough time though, and ultimately a cat sounds great.

vodkaanddietcokeplease · 15/12/2018 15:19

Get a cat, ditch the twat.

billybagpuss · 15/12/2018 15:21

DH said no, 2 cats and 1 dog later he still says no, he wouldn't be without any of them.

violeticecream · 15/12/2018 15:22

Cat

InSightMars · 15/12/2018 15:28

Get the cat, your marital difficulties aside, it would be good for your son, and if he does move out well, he won't have to live with it will he?

The thing I've often found about people who say they don't like cats, barring allergies, is they don't know that they really really do like cats until a cat moves in with them. My dad didn't like cats, until we got one and then it became 'his' cat. When he died, he and my DSM had 8. Ex didn't like cats until we got one, and then another one. They became his babies. DH was meh about cats until we 'temporarily' rehomed an old kitty belonging to a coworker who was moving and couldn't take her with him at first. The coworker never did come back for her and he'd have had to fight DH to the death for her if he had! We now have 4.

Fairylea · 15/12/2018 15:31

Is he likely to be horrible to the cat? That would make an awful atmosphere for you, your son and the cat.

I would separate and then get the cat.

KathyBates · 15/12/2018 15:39

If you're separating anyway get the cat.

I wouldn't get one if not, it's his home too. I convinced DP to let me get a second cat as a friend for the first one, he reluctantly agreed. The new cat is a handful, destructive and wants constant attention. I can cope with this as I see it as normal (ish) behaviour for a young cat if this breed. DP struggles to tolerate him and it causes a massive amount of tension between us.

Could you volunteer/ visit at a local cat shelter? That way he would get to spend more time with cats and also be doing a good deed x

redsummershoes · 15/12/2018 15:46

I would be livid if dh came home with a cat.
it's not fair on the animal as it would need to be rehomed immediately.
tbf I am very allergic so that would be grounds for divorce

BUT it sounds like you thought it through and the cat would have a good home with you, however do mot put too much expectation on it helping your dc.

luckylavender · 15/12/2018 16:25

I wouldn't live with a cat. It would be curtains for me, no question.

Soubriquet · 15/12/2018 16:26

Get a cat, ditch the twat.

THIS!!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/12/2018 16:37

If you separate will you have to rent? We found it harder to rent with our cat.

If you’ll be ok to own a house then carry on.

steppemum · 15/12/2018 16:41

If you're at the point of possibly separating then surely getting a cat afterwards would be more sensible?

And yes, maybe he's being silly about the cat if it would help your son, but deliberately pissing each other off in the run up to the separation will surely make the atmosphere even more unbearable?

A fresh start and new cat that is free of an associations with arguing patents (because you're going to fight about the cat if you think it'll be the 'final nail') sounds healthier to me.

sorry to pour sensible cold water on the idea, but I agree with this post.

startingafresh1 · 15/12/2018 16:43

Get the cat.

Do consider a cat rather than a kitten. Kittens are bitey and scratchy and it's really tough to know what type of personality they will end up having.

If you rehomed a suitable cat you could be more confident of getting one which works for you and DS.

On my first date with DH he told me he didn't like cats. Called them spooky and weird! I made it clear from the start that I had two beloved cats. He soon came round, grew to love the pair of them and grieved with me when they died two years ago.

We now have a crazy 2 year old cat. He is grumpy and wonderful and we both adore him!

Itwasflick · 15/12/2018 16:44

I don’t think it’s fair to make a decision which affects everyone in the house on your own.

Ex DH refused to ever have a cat. He grew up in a house with loads of them and hated the smell, the fur and just did not want a cat in his house. Would have been grossly unfair of me to just get one anyway

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