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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

can't get over my cat s death

61 replies

snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 01:22

I am boring my friends now I think but I lost my beautiful 8 year old cat Ruby 5 weeks ago. She was hit by a car and I only knew because I put posters up/used cat lost sites and talked to/leafleted neighbours. Ruby was a little adventurer and had gone missing before for a few days (she used to be a street cat that I took in coz her first owners were cruel and neglectful) but she always came back. This time she didn't and I m haunted by the fact she was found in a place I probably walked past several times calling her. Why didn't I look more closely in bushes/long grass? I hate thinking she could have been hit and lying in pain without me knowing. The vet who called me said it was almost certainly instant but she might have just said that to help me as I was crying so much?
Ruby was my baby I adored her and she loved me back. What really hurts is knowing she had a rotten life being starved and abused and having 3 litters of kittens before I got her(she chose me, jumped in my car one night and befriended me). I have a 14 year old cat who has been spoilt since birth and I just wish I could have had Ruby as a kitten too. I now have a 7 month old kitten I rescued who looks just like Ruby and she's helping but I can't get the guilt out of my head and I know she would have been miserable locked inside but I keep thinking I am the one who let her out that night. I keep crying. My heart actually hurts thinking I will never see her again.
Sorry for the long post but my friends are sick of listening and I m sure they think it's only a cat and as I have Ellie now I should forget Ruby.

OP posts:
Shinesweetfreedom · 30/10/2017 01:33

No its not only a cat.
I can handle human death more than animals so I feel your pain.
You rescued her.
You gave her a better life.

Ilovetolurk · 30/10/2017 01:33

Sorry OP Flowers

I also have a Ruby cat she is a rescue and I know she has a happy life with me having had a hard time before

Sounds like your Ruby was the same and had a lovely life with you. If her injuries were very bad she would not have known anything

Don't feel bad when cats like to wander its an unhappy life if they can't.

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 01:54

Thank you both. I just miss her so much and my friends are a bit sick of me randomly bursting into tears! I m quite a strong person in normal life and known for coping with everything but this has just thrown me! I suffered from severe depression last year and she was always there for me

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Broken11Girl · 30/10/2017 01:54

I'm sorry Flowers

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 02:11

Thank you. I can't believe she's gone

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Nutellalovesme · 30/10/2017 02:34

I'm very sorry OPFlowers

Like you my cat isn't "just" a cat he is my baby and I adore him. He is a rescue and the previous owners treated him badly so once they got fed up with him I took him.
My point is that you gave your Ruby a better life and clearly you love her very much and I am sure she knew that and felt your love. That's what you need to try to take away from the situation....that she was

and still is very much loved.

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 07:43

Thankyou Nutellalovesme. It's really surprising how many people have a cat that someone else has previously owned and got sick of /mistreated. Why get a pet if you don't want to look after it?

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Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 07:48

My Ruby last Christmas

can't get over my cat s death
OP posts:
Ilovetolurk · 30/10/2017 11:07

She is beautiful snorkmaiden

I agree re rescues - our Ruby was a battersea cat and we are her third (and final) home since then

Scribblegirl · 30/10/2017 11:13

Snork, no advice but I'm right here with you. We lost Merlin in a car accident four weeks ago. Still really struggling - I still keep expecting him to come squawking through the cat flap (he had such a silly high pitched miaow), even though we have his ashes on the mantelpiece. I've been trying to get myself through reading the Rainbow Bridge poem but I can't do it. Thinking of you.

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 11:20

Thankyou Scribblegirl, I m sorry for your loss too. I always end up in floods of tears reading the Rainbow 🌈 Bridge poem but I know she's there waiting for me. With a car accident it's so sudden and untimely and if you are like me you keep thinking why didn't they slow down /did they even care they hit her and I get angry that they ended her life and hurt me and my family so thoughtlessly

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Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 11:23

Thankyou Ilovetolurk she was a very beautiful girl

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Gah81 · 30/10/2017 11:23

What a gorgeous cat. 5 weeks isn't long at all so do try to be kind to yourself, OP. Sounds like you gave her a wonderful life - am sure she felt lucky.

Do you have friends with animals? I think people who have never had a pet find it difficult to understand.

ScrabbleFiend · 30/10/2017 11:25

Hi OP, sorry for your loss. The blue cross have a pet bereavement helpline if you need to talk. 0800 096 6606.

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 11:38

Thankyou all. I did call the help line and the lady was lovely. I have got friends with pets, some have been nice, one sent me flowers and a sympathy card. But my ex is a friend on fb and irl and he hasn't commented or said anything except well cats get run over sometimes and you ve got the other ones! And he used to be a cat owner!

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TractorTedTed · 30/10/2017 11:43

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

One thing that stands out to me is that you need to stop feeling guilty. It was a tragic accident, but certainly not your fault.

In fact you should feel the opposite - you did your very best for her and gave her a home when she needed it. She was lucky to have you.

ShotsFired · 30/10/2017 11:48

@snorkmaiden68 Flowers it's ok to feel the way you do. It is, and nobody can tell you otherwise.

I felt sick for weeks, if not months, when I lost ShotsCat1.
I couldn't even bring myself to move her bowls for ages, and when I locked the cat flap I broke down. Even now, 6 years on I still fill up if I think too long about her; and that is 6 years of fostering cats and eventually leading up to owning being owned by ShotsCat2.

One thing I am glad I did though, was write a long and painfully heartfelt eulogy on a similar pet forum to this, ony a day or two after she died. I saved it and when I go back and read it now, I cry my heart out, but it also makes me feel so happy she was in my life. Maybe that would help - even if not published, just to write your story together.

At the time, kind people I knew told me that I will never forget her, and that as and when a new puss (and it will be the right one, the King of Cats makes it so) comes along, they will never replace a previous cat, they will just find more room in your heart for themselves. And it is true. Be happy you gave her love and the best life she could have had, not sad she died (feeling that massive love).

MollyHuaCha · 30/10/2017 12:03

Such a beautiful girl. I hope you have lots of happy memories of Ruby. Thinking of you. Flowers

Yogagirl123 · 30/10/2017 12:07

So sorry. It’s totally heartbreaking I know. We had our 18year old cat PTS in May, I still miss him every day. Take care of yourself Flowers

cakesandphotos · 30/10/2017 12:31

I had my cat (literally called Mie Cat) from when I was 5 until I was 17. She was 12 but she was shot with an air rifle. I was heartbroken for weeks. It took 3 years until I decided I wanted another cat. Even now (I’m 28) I get really angry and tearful if I think about it, it was just so unfair! It’s one thing if cats live long lives but it’s so much harder when their lives are cut short.
People might think you’re silly but sod them. Cats are so much more than pets and I think you’re allowed to grieve Flowers

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 12:31

Thank you everyone. I know it's not really my fault (I wasn't driving the car that hit her after all) and also she had gone out and about for years without harm. I just keep thinking I wasn't the one who found her but I must have walked by the spot almost when I was looking for her. I have got a new cat who is like a young Ruby but Ellie is her own cat, not a replacement. Another odd rescue, lady who had her couldn't afford the care and neutering /chipping /jabs. So I have done all that in half term. Bit scared of letting her out but hopefully she'll stick to the garden with our older cat (never goes anywhere lol)

OP posts:
cakesandphotos · 30/10/2017 12:33

In fact, I named my new cat Isme, which was an anagram of Mie’s [kitten] because I promised her, before we buried her that I would never replace her. And now I’m welling up!

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 12:46

Aw I m sorry cakesandphotos that was a horrible thing to happen and it makes me angry people do things like that. My new cat s full name is Eleanor Ruby (play on the Beatles song) but she's Ellie for everyday use

can't get over my cat s death
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SandunesAndRainclouds · 30/10/2017 12:56

I understand how you feel.

When my ginger boy was PTS I sobbed for days and days. More than when my beloved Nan died!

Our 2yo BoyCat is currently missing and has been for just over 2 weeks. It is agony not knowing where he is and what's happened to him. I've cried a river over him... I've just been out to call him again and feel so, so helpless. They really do steal a piece of the heart ❤️

Original poster
snorkmaiden68 · 30/10/2017 13:14

SandunesandRainclouds, I hope your boy comes back soon. It's horrible when they wander off, have you asked neighbours /done leaflets / called local vets? Praying you get good news soon x

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