can't get over my cat s death

[snorkmaiden68]

I am boring my friends now I think but I lost my beautiful 8 year old cat Ruby 5 weeks ago. She was hit by a car and I only knew because I put posters up/used cat lost sites and talked to/leafleted neighbours. Ruby was a little adventurer and had gone missing before for a few days (she used to be a street cat that I took in coz her first owners were cruel and neglectful) but she always came back. This time she didn't and I m haunted by the fact she was found in a place I probably walked past several times calling her. Why didn't I look more closely in bushes/long grass? I hate thinking she could have been hit and lying in pain without me knowing. The vet who called me said it was almost certainly instant but she might have just said that to help me as I was crying so much?
Ruby was my baby I adored her and she loved me back. What really hurts is knowing she had a rotten life being starved and abused and having 3 litters of kittens before I got her(she chose me, jumped in my car one night and befriended me). I have a 14 year old cat who has been spoilt since birth and I just wish I could have had Ruby as a kitten too. I now have a 7 month old kitten I rescued who looks just like Ruby and she's helping but I can't get the guilt out of my head and I know she would have been miserable locked inside but I keep thinking I am the one who let her out that night. I keep crying. My heart actually hurts thinking I will never see her again.
Sorry for the long post but my friends are sick of listening and I m sure they think it's only a cat and as I have Ellie now I should forget Ruby.

We've done 350 leaflets, 100 posters and walked for miles - out 2 or 3 times a day searching for him and nothing. I had a dream last night that he was waiting under the shrubs in my garden. I honestly don't know what else I can do to find him

Is he on animal search uk? I think it costs £5 month and you will reach a lot of people. With any luck he s just on a little cat trip as boys are usually more adventurous even after neutering. Is he microchipped? Don't give up hope. I had a big ginger tom called Bubs who once went missing for a month and we had all but given up (days before microchipping and internet) and I came home from shopping to find the back door wide open and my teenage son and his gf with Bubs in the garden, bit skinnier but no worse for his time away

@SandunesAndRainclouds We've done 350 leaflets, 100 posters and walked for miles - out 2 or 3 times a day searching for him and nothing.

Have you gone out at night, when it is quiet? You'd be amazed how sound carries then.

Yes we've been out before 6am and after 10pm. It has taken over our lives...

Sorry for derailing your thread snork

That's ok. I really hope he's home soon

I hope you're feeling a little bit better today snork. The loss of your precious girl is very hard and you need time to grieve. I think all of us understand. Keep coming back to us when you're feeling low. She was a beautiful puss.

Thankyou everyone for understanding. It comes out of the blue sometimes, yesterday I was cutting the grass and getting the garden ready for her memorial. Haven't scattered the ashes yet but I will put her under her favourite tree

I completely understand how you feel too OP I'm so sorry about your beautiful Ruby. At least she chose you and you got to spend time together it was better for her to have met you than not at all as you sound so kind and loving towards her.

To the PP whose boycat is missing, please don't give up hope. All you can do is keep trying & doing what you're doing sharing the pics and asking around. I hope he returns safely soon.

Thankyou Botanic I did love her very much. Still do. She was a tatty little thing when I met her, dirty and half starved but she soon grew into a beautiful cat and I will never forget her

@snorkmaiden68 I just read this on the OFSDS FB page.

Seems like it would ring true for your lovely Ruby too:

"No matter how long they live it's never enough. Rest easy good boy. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."

Sending love OP
Pets are a part of the family
She was beautiful. And in the time you had her she was loved and well cared for.
Our boy disappeared 4 weeks ago and it's so hard as they leave such a big empty cat shaped hole.

She’s absolutely beautiful and I completely understand that connection to a cat. I love ours hugely and feel sick with worry if they disappear.

I’m so so sorry. You loved her and always will. She was special and you need to grieve for your friend and it’s going to take time. So be kind to yourself

How such little creatures can give so much love is amazing but they do. They are so much more than just a cat to many. They’re a huge comfort with wonderful personalities.

And Sandunes I really do hope you have good news soon.

Thanks everyone for caring. I hope those of you with missing cats get good news soon, it's an awful worry. I write a diary which helps and I have an album on my facebook called the Ruby book where I post photos and wrote a poem to her. She was such a character and a survivor who loved life it's hard to believe she's gone but she will never be forgotten. Thankyou everyone who said how beautiful she was. She took a lot of love and care to look that good but even as a dirty half starved street cat she won my heart ♥

I'm so sorry to hear about Ruby op it's just devastating, I can't bear the thought of loosing our cat Rosie, cats are such special beings. I hope things start to feel easier.

I'm so sorry. Cats become a huge part of the family so quickly that when they go it is difficult. I agree with those who said she was beautiful.

OP

I am so sorry about the loss of Ruby. Cats do really become part of the family.

Thankyou for your kind words everyone

I've been thinking a lot today about the attitude towards people who have lost a pet. Why can't they just be kinder? My good friend is not an animal lover at all. She wouldn't be unkind to one, but also wouldn't have a pet of any type. But she recognises love of all forms and has probably been the biggest source of comfort and concern while BoyCat has been missing. Even if someone doesn't 'get' the love for a pet, they could still be compassionate. Animals are a huge part of our lives, our daily routines and a source of comfort and love. If that suddenly gets taken away, then of course you grieve and that's a process that no-one can predict. Allow yourself that time snork, allow that process to happen. It will get easier with time but that doesn't mean you won't miss beautiful Ruby or stop loving her. And bullocks to all those who undermine those feelings. Rant over!

Thankyou Sandunes this is what I was saying to my friend (the nice one who understands) that I wish pet loss was acknowledged in the real world as the devastating thing it is.
I couldn't hide the fact I had been crying for hours but I got the it's only a cat and you have got other cats comments from some people I have known since school (30 years!) and I could tell they were embarrassed by my emotion and thought I was a bit crazy cat lady. But I don't care. I m not going to hide my grief coz society doesn't accept it.

I was utterly devastated when my cat died a few years ago. She was only 3 but very much my cat and I idolised her as much as she did me. I didn’t stop crying for days. I still have her ashes in my room and still talk to her.

Rayman I talk to Ruby all the time and have her ashes in my room too. I had her 3 1/2 years and wish I had had her from a kitten because her previous owners were so neglectful and cruel. But Ruby chose me, she just moved out of their lives and rescued herself.

((((((((((((()))))))))). I'm so sorry.
. I absolutely feel your pain. I still clearly remember 100% the pain I felt when my hamster died. He was my best friend. I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
I don't think I've cried like thst since.
RIP Ruby

How anyone can be neglectful and cruel to a innocent trusting wondrous kitten is beyond all comprehension.
If someone doesn't like animas fair enough. You don't have to, very odd to me, but like like I say there's no law saying you have to, but why do people get them if they aren't prepared to look after them. .
When you became Ruby's mummy her life improved so much. Never ever forget that.

Thankyou spider she gave me some lovely years and the old owners lost out on a beautiful companion

Sorry for your loss. My 12 year old Siamese girl died 2 weeks ago, she was always purring , such a happy girl . I love cats but don’t think I will get another, she was irreplaceable. Hope you feel better soon.