can't get over my cat s death

[snorkmaiden68]

I am boring my friends now I think but I lost my beautiful 8 year old cat Ruby 5 weeks ago. She was hit by a car and I only knew because I put posters up/used cat lost sites and talked to/leafleted neighbours. Ruby was a little adventurer and had gone missing before for a few days (she used to be a street cat that I took in coz her first owners were cruel and neglectful) but she always came back. This time she didn't and I m haunted by the fact she was found in a place I probably walked past several times calling her. Why didn't I look more closely in bushes/long grass? I hate thinking she could have been hit and lying in pain without me knowing. The vet who called me said it was almost certainly instant but she might have just said that to help me as I was crying so much?
Ruby was my baby I adored her and she loved me back. What really hurts is knowing she had a rotten life being starved and abused and having 3 litters of kittens before I got her(she chose me, jumped in my car one night and befriended me). I have a 14 year old cat who has been spoilt since birth and I just wish I could have had Ruby as a kitten too. I now have a 7 month old kitten I rescued who looks just like Ruby and she's helping but I can't get the guilt out of my head and I know she would have been miserable locked inside but I keep thinking I am the one who let her out that night. I keep crying. My heart actually hurts thinking I will never see her again.
Sorry for the long post but my friends are sick of listening and I m sure they think it's only a cat and as I have Ellie now I should forget Ruby.

Sorry for your loss too Misty. It's heartbreaking. I know Ruby was irreplaceable too and I will never replace her but my other girls do help. All cats have their own personality, maybe one day you will be ready for another but for now just let yourself grieve for your lovely cat.

Oh snork she was beautiful.
We had a boy hit by a car. I talked at some length to the vet about it. (We weren't home. Neighbours saw it and called vet who came and took him in.) She explained exactly how he was when she found him.
You're suffering but I doubt she did. And she wouldn't have known you walked past the place she was and didn't realise. All she knew was she was loved and treasured and had a happy life. You're the only one suffering.
And to people who don't understand? They're family. We love them. Of course you're grieving. Be kind to yourself.

I'm with you too Snork. I'm on my fourth and fifth cats now but the deaths of two of the earlier three still make me cry. The third one lived a normal lifespan and died in a straightforward way so easier to accept.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous cat

Since my little furry bestie was pts a year ago, I've lost and mourned another elderly,much-loved cat and adopted new rescue who is a sweetheart.

I still miss my beautiful old cat. It all happened over Christmas and I had to bite my lip and "get on with it".

You need to take as long as you need. Writing probably dreadful poems helped me. Tbh I don't think you'll get long-term sympathy from friends, based on my experience of losing my mum. People handle death really badly.

Thankyou last 3 posters for your kind words. Ruby was such a kind loving cat I know she wouldn't want me to suffer, when I had a bad day and cried she would be right there mewing and rubbing on me.and it's right about death, people are useless about dealing with the bereaved. I know its not easy knowing what to say but even just a simple I m sorry for your loss would be appreciated. Sadly a lot of people act as if you've suddenly got bubonic plague when you lose someone.

And sadly with pets a lot of people have no empathy for how badly you hurt.

Yes Ferrier that's so true. When you have more than one pet people do tend to say 'at least you've still got the other two ' not realising that cats, like people, are all individuals and you are mourning a friend

I'm a guy who lived alone with a cat , ( can live with a cat , not humans it seems ) little ruby , i rescued her when 7 yrs old . iv just returned from holiday for a week , got back yesterday , ruby was as usual very pleased to see me had her food , had a cuddle , and half hour later I found her dead on lawn . Im absolutely devastated. I loved that cat , she's been with me through difficult times . don't know what I'm going to do now . absolutely lost .

This is quite an old thread @Nigelflyer, you might want to start your own. Really sorry about cat, do you know why it happened?

Hello. I have found your post while I was looking for help about coping with the loss of my pet. My cat passed away 7 weeks ago. He was over 19 years old. I met him when he was half hour old and came to stay with me when he was 2 months old. I never left him for more than a week and that was only once, when he was 6 months old. After that, expect for the odd night away from home, we had been together all the time. Last time i left him alone for a night was in 2005. He had neve been ill. Few months ago he had an abscess and after that everything got bad. Despite the care, the unexpected miracolous recovery from the first bout of illness after the abscess, he passed away. Like youl i feel guilty wondering if i could have done more, i should have made him more comfortable, i should have made more changes to his space earlier. It was only by chance that i was at home when it happened. I wll never forget the last 5/10 minutes of his life. I managed to give pick him up and cuddle him to my chest only minutes before his heart stopped. I can't give you an answer about what to do in trying to cope with your grief, i just want you to know that you are not alone and i understand completely what you feel. He was my life, utterly. I wish I died with him.

I'm sorry, I have just noticed that your thread is from last year. I hope that you have now found a peace in your heart about losing your pet.