What questions do you ask your cat?

[DesolateWaist]

Every day I demand that my cat answers questions like:

• are you my fuzzy baby?
• are you the fluffiest girl in the whole world?
• are you the most beautiful baby ever?
• are you my little tiny love?

No wonder she's always asleep when I demand so much from her.

What questions do you endlessly ask?

I wouldn't dare ask anything like that.

I might not like the answer!

I ask "why the fuck are you so annoying?"

love them really

What do you want?
Why are you such a bloody nuisance?

-whats this for? whats the loving up for?
(usually get ignored for 23hrs and 55 mins every day)

Where have you been? Why are you covered in dust? Aren't you the most handsome boys in the whole wide world? And....you can't STILL be hungry?

Also - what in god's name do you want???

After food, cuddles, emptied litter tray, water and treats have still not stopped the following me round and yowling.

where the hell did you get that from?

'Can you please stop licking the budgie?'

And to the budgie;

'Can you please stop trying to groom the cat? It's weird.'

Are you hungry again?!

Why do you leave so much fur everywhere?

What ARE you doing?

Why aare you drinking out the fish pond, when you have water down?

Are you hungry?
Do you want out?

I dont now why i ask, the answers always yes.

did daddy give the baby his bweakisst?
is baby still hungry?
will mama give you more your bweakisst?

..it is only breakfast that provokes the baby talk btw, and his cat sister never gets it as she is far too regal

she is referred to as baby girl/her highness

otherwise it's all just conversational
well why did you go out in the rain?
yes it is raining out the front!
is Phyllis in today? (idiotcat goes visiting)
were you a good boy?
have you been tormenting the birds today?
are you going to take up ALL the sofa/bed/dinnertable

did YOU eat the dogfood? Is that why he is looking sad?
why won't you share the sofa (giant six seater Lshape thing) with him
you being idiotcat and he being a 49kg GSD with impeccable manners.

You're being trained, Night.

Can you stop bringing mice in? And then letting them run free in the house

Is anyone else in the house?
"Mow”
Fine, I'll look for myself.

Has anyone fed you?
"Mow"
It looks like someone fed you.
"Mow"
OK, more food it is then.

Do you ever feel that self awareness is a horrible trick played by a primate brain that took the calculation of trajectories and over evolved it to the point of racial insanity, leaving a delusion of sentience to lie over a legacy of all but crippling anxiety and socio-tribal chaos?
"Mow"
Yeah, me too.

Where's your ball?

I get more exercise from trying to find BertCat's feeding ball and wiggling under the sofa to retrieve it, than she does from pushing it around

Are you mamma's booful baby? mainly. My own children didn't get baby talk. Or posh names.

Which would you like...tuna or beef?

Who is a little cutie pie?
How can you possibly be hungry all the time?
Who is my beautiful baby?

at Meph.

I'm very lucky in that I only rarely have to ask 'why is there a live blue tit behind he kitchen cupboard' and 'why is there sick in my shoe'.

Generally I'm asking 'are you a happy baby?'

What is the matter?
Why can't you be quiet for five minutes?
Why is there fur everywhere?
Why are you always sick on the carpet and never the hard floor in the kitchen?

Are you my baby girl, are you?
Are you wearing your fluffy back leg trousers?
Whose the best boy in the world?
Are you going to do squirmy wormy for mummy?
Who's daddy's best girl?
Etc

Where have you been?
What's that smell?
Why did you do that?!
Why are you such a bloody nuisance?
Do you want to go and live in the garage?

I luffs them.

Sadly departed now, but my boy was regularly asked

Who is mommy's bootiful babba boy den? Is it you? Is it? Are you mommy's bootiful babba boy?

and

What exactly the fuck is wrong with that food? You've been shovelling it down your furry face for the last 3 weeks! Why d'you wait 'til I've bulk bought it before going off it?

and

Can you get off mummy's face now please?

Who do you love best?

This is when she deigns to join us in the living room. Inevitably she goes and sits on DH's lap so he then gets to play cat top trumps for the evening, the rule being if the cat is on you then you are exempt from making cups of tea/answering the phone/letting the dog out etc.

I am sure he must hide dreamies in his pockets as she always chooses him.