What questions do you ask your cat?

[DesolateWaist]

Every day I demand that my cat answers questions like:

• are you my fuzzy baby?
• are you the fluffiest girl in the whole world?
• are you the most beautiful baby ever?
• are you my little tiny love?

No wonder she's always asleep when I demand so much from her.

What questions do you endlessly ask?

Do you love mummy the best? Do you love mummy? Are you my little squish squash gorgeous baby? Oh mummy loves to cuddle you my little fluffy sausage. You are so soft and cuddly and gorgeous...I love you so much.....

Blah blah blah. Like that all the time. And all said in a silly talking to a baby voice.

I am usually quite stroppy sounding but my cat turns me into a twit. He is aloof as fuck and looks at me in a scathing way as he struggles away from my cuddles.

Monsieur, Qu'est-ce que tu fais? (he likes being spoken to in French)

Why have you bought a muddy stick into the bedroom?

What's that slug doing in your tail?

I could go on...

'What is wrong? why are you yowling? What's the matter?!'
'What are you eating now? whose cat food have you stolen?'
'Where have you been?'
'Why are you covered in dust?' (not to self: do more dusting)
'How was your nap?'
'Have you had a nice day?'
'Why won't you use the very expensive cat door we had fitted?'
'WHAT'S WRONG?!!!'

oh and also

'Why don't you love me? why do you love your dad more? is it because I make you hug me? stop struggling, just love me!'

Awww are you boys having a hug? - when they're play fighting and DD is giggling at them like a loon.

Could you get your paw out of my ear? - when the fluffy one is dozing on the back of the sofa in the evening.

Also - Where's the other one, what have you done with him? - if only one of them shows up for breakfast or dinner.

Are you my handsome boy?

Why are you being such a dick?

Aah, that reminds me Local - Oh, so it's Dickhead day today? (asked 6/7 days of the week)

But he's so cute, and it balances itself out. Except when he drags his shagbag onto the bed in the middle of the night in order to debase it,, and purrs so loudly It's like somebody snoring, which wakes me up. Then it's like "why do you need an audience for your kinky shenanigans??"

Why won't you eat it? What's wrong with it? You ate it this morning. - as he turns his nose up at his food once again.

Except when he drags his shagbag onto the bed in the middle of the night in order to debase it

What the actual fuck?

Don't sit on my laptop.
Don't sit on my book.
Don't sit on my face.
Don't sit on the dog.

Yesterday, "Why the hell have you left a bird in the hall?"

In summer my bedroom window is open, in winter she has to 'ask', I always ask. 'do you want to go out', if she walks up and down I let her out. If she sits and mews I don't because that means she wants to sit with her bum inside nad her nose outside.