My house is run by cats.

[OTheHugeManatee]

I know this because:

• Cat A demands that I open the sitting room curtains before I leave for work, so she can enjoy a nice view of the garden from her personal piano stool by the radiator.
• Cat B insists that DH patrols the garden with him every evening at dusk, with said cat sat on his shoulder like a parrot. Cat B sulks if this doesn't happen.
• Cat A insists that I sit on the bed for 5 minutes after getting out of the bath, while she tramples up and down me purring and warming her paws up.
• Cat B HAS HIS OWN BEDROOM. Well, it's the spare room, but if anyone else goes in there while Cat B is sleeping they get a look like this only black and furry.
• Cat A brings a wine bottle cork into the bedroom every evening at lights out, in the expectation that someone will throw it so she can chase it.

I could go on

Is your house run by cats? What made you realise?

I buy food for lunchtime according to what Seniorboy might like as a midday snack and not what I might fancy.

When Little Monsieur stands on my face in the wee, small hours,I obediently lift the duvet so he can climb under it.

When we order Chinese, get crispy duck because MCat's mad for it.

Throw the bloody Flying frenzy about until my arms fall off. Or any other thing that takes Little Monsieur's fancy. Have you ever tried throwing a drinking straw? They don't have as much momentum as wine corks! You have to throw them really hard.

Never have any privacy on the loo. Especially horrible and intrusive when it's both of them.

I'm sure I'll think of more in a bit.

Currently posting this from the garden, where I have been roped I for dusk patrol as DH is not home yet

Did I mention that Cat A also ha to have her ow. Drinking glass on DH's bedside table, or she'll stick her foot in his and make it all manky?

Woe betide you if you give her unfiltered water as well

Oh, and we buy Sainsburys processed sliced chicken just forthe cats

It goes on the list as 'Cat chicken'.

I've just brought a dining room chair into my office to sit on as boycat is asleep on my swivel chair.

We buy the double cream with the acrylic snap off lid as its the only sound guaranteed to bring boycat in.

We also buy the processed chicken slices for the cats.

We once went to McDonalds and brought home a portion of chicken nuggets to share out between the cats and dogs.

Neither cat see's a problem with waking me up to move over/lift the duvet so they can cuddle in (funnily enough they woudn't dream of doing it to DH)

I've spent more on the cats food so far this month than I have on human food.

Our dog died in December. Every night DH took the dog and cat to the green at the end of the road so the dog could pee and the cat could climb the tree.

Yes obviously DH still takes the cat for a walk at night to the tree

The neighbours think we're nuts.

"Cat Chicken!"

I can't leave any water or any kind of liquid unattended. Otherwise Little Monsieur joyfully nudges it onto the floor. Hence, all bedtime water must be contained in bottles. That he hurls onto the floor.

This is delightful, I love these. I was expecting to open a thread about someone with 17 cats so was curious ??

Although in some ways, it's quite handy.

'Darling, why is the heating on?'
'For Seniorboy....'
Collapse of stout party.

'Darling, why is the electric blanket on?'
'For Seniorboy....'
Collapse of stout party.

'Darling, why is the day room all over the place?'
'Because of Seniorboy....'
Collapse of stout party.

'Darling, why is the X,Y or Z in that place?'
'Because of Seniorboy....'
Collapse of stout party.

And so on..........

You can get away (almost) with murder by citing the cat in evidence!

OtheHugeManatee, Your post reads as Cat A has to have her OW. Other women? Metrosexual Kitty.

Metrosexual cat No, it's a typo. She has to have her own special drink of filtered water or she will put her paw in yours

And on rainy days Cat B comes into the house and demands that I sit down so he can jump onto my lap and dry his muddy boots on me. And I obediently sit down, every time

Haha love it!

Cat 1 will insist that every morning that before you can pass into the living room you will stand and acknowledge her emotional distress that there is only one out of 9 bowls of biscuits left. If you do not, she will follow you EVERYWHERE until you stand to attention and listen to her complain.

Cat 2 will appear from nowhere the second both children are in bed, and demand that you be seated, in the correct seat and have at least a 10 minute cuddle. Failure to do so results in a telling off and access to said chair will be revoked for the entire evening.

Cat 3 will sulk unless he is seated on top of the middle sofa cushion before eating dinner commences, otherwise he will swipe food from the plate and chuck it on the floor.

Cat 4 must be allowed out first thing in the morning to wee, before anyone else, before breakfast is served and must be allowed back in before food is presented, otherwise he won't eat all day.

Cat 5 Upon returning from her daily adventures must be greeted on the desk, and you have to talk to her otherwise she will hiss and moan at every other cat.

Cat 6 requires a mid morning fuss, where she simply must wash your hand, but she's so polite if you don't she will just sit in plain sight with a face like you have abandoned her for life.

Cat 7 is the most fickle and affectionate (we actually believe she suffered some form of brain damage during a difficult birth) if she happens to be in the bathroom when you enter (which is most of the time), she will parade up and down the bath, where you must stroke her shoulders and sides only, if you don't she will stretch up and delicately claw your naked leg.

Cat 8 Must must must be allowed to accompany you when waking up DS, she will rip the carpet from the floor if she isn't allowed in. She will insist that she jumps up and wakes him with a chirup which must be followed by a morning cuddle from him and him alone.

Cat 9 Will complain endlessly at bed time if Cat 6 and 8 do not join her on the allotted chair for their collective cuddle. She also will complain if someone doesn't rescue her when the sun gets her and she gets stuck on the floor in it's rays.

LOL oh dear that's just one each, there is more...

Does anyone else burn dinner/late to leave the house/end up watching a rubbish program because the remote is out of reach/hungry but can't get up because you have a cat on your lap and feels almost illegal to move?

Oh, I nearly forgot. If you find Cat A in the bathroom at certain times of the day you are required to tickle her tummy while she sticks her head under the bathmat

cakedup thats why I have DH!

He will pass/find/hand over anything I can't reach because the cats on my knee without complaint

Hehe cakedup every evening! Nothing can interrupt cuddle time.

My house is absolutely controlled by the cats.

Cat 1 indicates when it is a suitable time to awake and feed her by hammering on a door with her paws. She can keep this up for hours on end, and her idea of a suitable waking hour does not usually coincide with ours.

She has also now decided that the spare room is her bedroom, and that she doesn't like dh and I sleeping together in our room. She would prefer one of us to sleep with her in her room. She usually expresses this desire by aforementioned banging-on-door method shortly after we have nodded off in our bed. How we even figured this out I'm not sure, but that's now the drill!

After breakfast I have to go back to bed (any bed will do this time) and cuddle her, and when I get home I have to go upstairs and fuss her while she prances about on our bed.

Basically her entire existence is focused on getting us in and out of the right beds at the right times.

Cat 2 likes to sleep with us, but also likes to play hard to get. She will stay downstairs until we have put the lights out, and as we are nodding off will start up a plaintive howling which I believe roughly translates as 'I'm lonely and want a cuddle. Come down, play with me for 10 minutes then carry me up to bed with you'. Except when it translates as 'I have no desire for a cuddle, but I want you to wake up and admire the pigeon feather I have caught and brought inside'.

Oh I forgot, cat 1 also has a moral objection to baths, so any bathing will occur to the accompaniment of a cross tortoiseshell cat stamping up and down on the bathmat shouting at you to get out. Showers are absolutely fine.

Cat 2 also occasionally decides that she absolutely must be stroked on top of the laundry basket in the bathroom. She will loudly summon you by quacking (she doesn't miaow, she quacks) from on top of it.

SmokingKitten stills his face right in my face and sniff if I dare to watch TV/read a book and not show him attention. He will repeat this until I do.

There also appears to be a very precise amount of stokes he likes, if you go over or under this number then you get bitten in the hand. The number seems to vary though so I haven't managed to figure it out yet.

He has a very expensive floor to celing cat tree but apparently prefers to pull all of the carrier bags out of a cupboard and play with them instead.

As per PP, I spend more money on cat food per month than food for myself

Oh also, you can never ever shut any doors in the house as it is rude and he doesn't like it. So much so that he has taught himself to open doors

BertCat will only sit on the bright pink, fleecy blanket that should have been thrown away years ago, which attracts and highlights white cat hair like nobody's business.

BertCat does not share the blanket. If you think that blanket sitting is a group activity, BertCat will tutor you on the correct etiquette, by deploying the switch on her back paw, which engages Bitey Bastard mode.

If the BertCat Blanket goes into the washing machine, the back paw switch is flicked from Bitey Bastard to Little Lost Soul mode, complete with pitiful meow sound effects.

My cat likes to be picked up for a cuddle before he goes out in the morning. He will sit at the door miaowing to get out but if you open the door he won't go out until you pick him up and cuddle him first

I think that the big bed is for humans and cats to share but Seniorboy knows that it's actually all his. (You ought to try changing a bed, including putting on a new duvet cover, around a cat who refuses to move.)