Can we have a competitive cat stupidity thread?

[Hassled]

It has taken one of mine 4.5 years to work out the house has an upstairs. She used to sit at the bottom of the stairs looking upwards sometimes with a curious look on her face, but she lacked the brains to work out how to climb the stairs. She'd watch the other cat stroll past her and just seem bewildered.

Anyway - suddenly she's mastered the skill and it's like she has a whole new playground. She is one happy cat.

Are there stupider cats out there?

My cat is stupid enough to loose his tail to an engine, fortunately he's scared of outside

He regularly falls off things, just now he very elegantly floated up onto the table (hip height), then spent at least 2 minutes waggling his bum while considering jumping across to the windowsill (about one foot away), then made the jump and missed, slid down the wall scrabbling! He doesn't do tail flicking, he does "of course I intended to end up here" grooming instead.

Also can delicately open the door towards him with a hooked paw but can't open the door away from him without scraping his face over it. Numpty.

at chunks of cat

Everytime I spray de-frizz hair stuff into my hair, cat RUSHES over, even if he is in the middle of a deep sleep, and stands as close to my hair as possible, furiously blinking and sneezing at the spray stuff going into his face.

It's obviously uncomfortable for him so I don't know why he does it. Maybe he wants his fur to have 'soft texture and increased shine' like my hair?

@ TooManyBlossoms post!

So, this morning, cat 1 ferociously attacked dd's play tent. Managed to knock it over on himself, and ran off scared.

TooManyBlossoms poor cat!

Our Misty will do all the pretend 'yes well, I meant to fall off the sofa in my sleep' tail flicks and grooming

He is now a dab hand/paw at pulling open the bathroom door. He did it to me just this morning, right as I was in the middle of re-inserting my mooncup! Thankfully no-one else was up but I was just hoping no-one was stirring! He is fascinated with it and sits there watching me!!

Every single summer, without fail, fat cat will try to attempt to get in via the front room window. Every single summer, without fail, he realises there is no handy window sill on the inside of the house and he is stuck. It happens approximately 3 times a day throughout summer. I'm not sure who is dumber, the cat or us for constantly rescuing him. The step ladders actually live in the front room over summer

I'm actually quite impressed with his resourcefulness atm. He has fallen out with the dogs and so had a choice of several 'dog no go zones' to move into. Out of them all he chose the dc's room i.e the room with the most crumbs and the small person who brings food from the fridge every time he meows. He will soon be known as 'even fatter cat' . He's also managed to get her to clear him a space amongst her teddies. It's most disconcerting when you go to move the furreal cat to tidy the bed only to confronted with the actual cat

I had a cat that got dementia in his old age, bless him. It led to some very funny senior moments though! Most often he'd set off running to go somewhere, then stop and sit down, looking around confusedly, as if to say "Now, what did I come in here for?" The one that made us laugh thg most though was the invisible wall that seemed to spring up in the living room doorway that only the cat could see. He'd jump off your lap and run towards the door, then stop dead in his tracks. He wouldn't budge again until you picked him up and lifted him over the threshold, then off he'd run again to wherever he was headed!

Does anyone have a theory as to why some cats like to sleep in uncomfortable places? My cat completely ignores his fleece lined "cat cave" and prefers to sleep in ds's draw that he often leaves out on the floor - which is full of hard objects like pens, kinder toys, cars, rubber balls etc.

Other times he likes to curl up on the wooden floor right in the middle of the corridor or other places where we have to keep tripping over him and where he will then be constantly disturbed.

At this very moment, 2 of 3 armchairs have fleece blankets and cushions on them. He has chosen to nap on the armchair that is holding piles of hardback sharp cornered books

whethergirl.... one of my cats decided to give birth in a drawer full of toys in the children's playroom

She had a choice of many safe places including the basket she had given birth in last time, the playpen she had raised her kittens in last time and numerous child-free nooks and crannies. But apparently squeezed into a drawer too small for her amongst sleich animals and diego action figures with 2 preschooler's 'helping' was more appealing to her

I mentioned up thread about her daughter and the pineapple plant so it's obviously genetic.... same cat also sleeps in the turf basket on top of the turf, in cardboard boxes far too small for her and on random patches of wooden and tiled floors.

Both our cats insist the weather must be better out the front door than the back.

One cat will also stand at the patio door waiting to be let in... the patio door that has a catflap in it

The first "present" one of mine brought me was a pork steak (which we'd put in the bin a few days earlier as DH has stupidly left it on the side) HTe second present was a bag of mince that was past it's best.

The stupider of my cats reminds me of The Moog from Will o' the Wisp. He doesn't think very often, but when he does it's as though thought bubbles have appeared above his head it's so obvious what's going on in there. :O

SummerRain - how funny, I wish I knew what her logic was (assuming there was any ). Bless those kittens, hard objects and excited kids from the very start! Sometimes my cat will decide to nap in ds' room, and get very huffy when ds makes too much noise, or lands on top of him as the case will be. But will he simply move into one of the other 4 empty rooms? Nooooo.

The other funny thing is when my cat goes out, even if it's LITERALLY for five minutes, he'll come back in acting like he's been away for weeks, excessive purring, licking, rubbing - seriously loved up. EVERY time.

Oh and more stupid behaviour, he'll sit on the edge when ds is having a bath and actually eat the bubbles. Not helped by ds' enthusiasm to feed him with said bubbles.

And the other day I opened the front door for him, and a bit of a shoe was peeking out from under the door, he went seriously weird, his tail fluffed up, ears back, and very slowly and cautiously, he approached the sinister shoe and started furiously tapping it.

Panda loves licking plastic too and getting in shopping bags. She often gets the handle over her neck and charges around the house like wonderwoman.

There is a photo on my profile, does anyone elses cat lie like this? She was birdwatching at the time.

whether... don't worry, I was on hand as (thanks to the idiot vets refusing to spay her while she was feeding every time) she had given birth twice in the previous year (possibly more before she adopted us) and fed each lot of kittens for 14+ weeks so I was worried she was too exhausted to cope. I was right too, I had to cut two of the cords as she was struggling and the poor wee things were being swung around like nunchuks. When I thought she was done I moved her and four kittens to the playpen where she happily gave birth to kitten number 5

After that I had a screaming fit at one of the vets and insisted her spay her when the kittens were a few weeks old (she was pregnant again already he told me afterwards) which he rather unwillingly did.

She's still deranged but she's a fat, healthy, cuddly beast of a cat now who pointedly ignores her 'kittens' unless they get in her way at the food bowls when she swats them out of her way

PlasticFlamingo - I have owned 8 cats all in all, and no....not one of them has assumed that peculiar position! You would have thought she'd need her back legs ready for pouncing, even if only instinctively? Very funny and cute though - which is the main thing.

SummerRain - and @ nunchunks!

Biblio - one of our old cats used to 'hunt' strange things too - we got a cooked pork chop bone, a packet of out-of-date bacon, and a sponge cake. But according to him, they'd all put up the most tremendous fights, and he'd been lucky to triumph. He was so proud of his 'kills', bless him. Once or twice he did bring home actual small furry creatures, but we were pretty convinced that these were ones that the other cat (female, intelligent, fast, good mouser) had caught, and he'd just nicked them off her.

The old boy we rescued from the kerbside of a busy road regularly walks between DH and the toilet resulting in a cat tail wash with basin rinse being required!!

The other 2 adore bubble wrap.

Suzy has not yet worked out that wowing beings Slinky running and that silent stalking should be silent!

My little cat is the coolest creature on God's earth. Small, neat, black and laconic to a fault. She refuses to play with anything - even while the other cat is going crazy over some toy or a piece of string. She scorns play and similar kittenish activities. But she never seems to grasp the simple and undeniable fact that if you jump at speed onto a pile of newspapers on a smooth shiny surface, you will slide, and if the pile happens to be on a table you will fall off the table in a shower of newsprint. We have taken to leaving them there sort of accidentally on purpose because it's funny and because those who take themselves too seriously deserve to be laughed at sometimes!

I came home late one night and realised I had forgotten my key. I peered through the letter box and saw Tiggy sitting on the stairs looking at me.

"Oy, Tig," I said "In my jacket hung on the banisters are my keys. If you get them out of the pocket and pass them to me through the letterbox, I can unlock the door and get in quietly.

The cat looked at me and said "Me? How?"

Our hand reared kitty can open the door both to come in and go out and it's a fecking nuisance because he doesn't shut it behind him!

He gallops upstairs when he can (none of the animals are meant to go upstairs) and thinks that if he can't see me I can't see him so stuffs his head under the chair or duvet and thinks that he's invisible. He's most put out when he's hauled downstairs. He loves getting in your shopping bags and the other days was racing around the kitchen inside a plastic bag - I thought he was stuck so fished him out, but no he got back in and continued!

My 13 yr old cat has always had a catflap with a magnetic collar, we have just got a new (identical) one and she CANNOT work it .
She either keeps her head back too far to release the catch and bats and bats and bats at it with her paws till DS2 lets her in or sticks her head straight at it so it releases but forgets to bring her paws with her.
WHY?
She gets round the fact that after DS2 has gone to bed no-one helps it by batting it till it pings back towards her, catches it with her paw, pulls it up and comes in underneath.....

These are all brilliant! Especially love the cats that drag home strange items - out of date pork chop - rofl!

Just reading this while tigger is having his nightly cuddle bonanza with me. Trouble is, it always ends with me having to tell him 'thats enough, I am not a masturbation post

Every time he will lie down on his side, front paws paddling like a kitten, back legs up on my arm and then merrily hump away - sure he's part dog :)

He also loves a bit of steak and prawns mixed together in his bowl and knows exactly what I'm saying when I ask if he'd like a 'naice' snack :)

I have to resurrect this thread if only to add my own series of mad kitties!

When I was little our kitten jumped up onto the corner unit where the fish tank was, only my mother had removed the top for cleaning. Running in to the living room after hearing a loud splash we were greeted with little black kitten soaking wet apart from his head and the water in the tank swishing from side to side!

Of our current cats: the old man, Paris, managed to get his head stuck in a tin of cat food. I came in from work to be greeted by his (sadly now deceased) sister Diesel giving me a look of "well this is nothing to do with me!" Paris was in the middle of the floor with the tin on his head.

The stupidest is Anakin though, our four year old ginger. He has a Maru style fascination for boxes. He also likes to sleep on the dog bed and when he has an audience will suddenly flop down in front of the dog and start mewing loudly as though he was being attacked! He is forever getting stuck on top of things. The birds outside tease him, the other cats mock him. He is a silly sausage.

His sister Padme isn't stupid but she does 'talk' a lot! She also has a bad habit of jumping on me first thing in the morning just in case I was daring to have a lie in!

Slinky is in grave danger of wee on head as it is protruding more and more over the loo when DH is doing his bizness.

RIP Samson used to sleep under the duvet with us and would gently push with clipped claws against us so he had plenty of space in the bed :)