Please help the dog is giving me a nervous breakdown

OP I will almost certainly get flamed for this but I'm going to say it. Being PTS is absoluty not the worst thing that can happen to an animal. It knows pretty much nothing about it. It will be worse for you though I'm certain you would feel a huge relief.

That said, have you looked into training? Someone to come in and help you, as a last go? I'd worry that removing would just pass the problem on to some one else and who knows where he'd end up

I totally understand how you're feeling, I have a very elderly animal and will be devastated when it's her time but my god I won't miss the extra time and money required to look after her properly.

Rehoming not removing

Given all of his issues, putting him to sleep may be the best way forward. After this, please do not get another dog.

Anyone would be at the end of their tether having to deal with everything you are dealing with.

Re the dog
Speak to the vet - if your dog has a damaged back it may be that nerve damage means he is not aware he is pooing.

See if they advise a dog behaviourist as stress etc can cause indoor pooing.

This situation is not sustainable for anyone. You do not have to deal with this situation do get in the professionals vet and behaviourist to help you.

I agree, either re home via breed rescue or PTS.
Your young Dog should be fun, not a burden!
(PTS might actually be a relief for the dog as constant vet visits and nedicatin, baths and sleeping in his own mess aren't fun at all).

If he were from a rescue centre they should take him back before you consider PTS.

For the sake of the animal the right thing to do is PTS and don't feel any guilt around it, you have done the best you can.

It won't be easy, but I would seriously consider giving this dog up. You have too much else going on.
If it's neurological it will continue for its life span. Do you really want to be doing this another 8 years?
Someone with fewer other responsibilities might be happy to take them on.

The problem with rescues is their non PTS policy unless absolutely necessary... they might take the dog back and re home with someone else... then the new owner can't cope, dog is returned.... and so on.
Sadly this is a reality that most people don't see. It's really just passing the problem on .

What tests did the vet do?

PTS and do not feel guilty. Sad, but not guilty.

A reputable rescue will have the experience to pts or rehome. Rehoming to people knowing the issue will not always mean they come back to rescue.

Health reasons is absolutely necessary in the eyes of most reputable rescues

Jesus Christ. MN really hate dogs don’t they.

It’s not normal for a dog to be shitting itself. Why on earth did you get another one- you have so much going on, does he get walked?

Take him to the vet. It’s not normal.

If he has spinal issues, then going to the toilet is probably very painful for him, which is why he just does it anywhere/everywhere. The fact that it's a new thing is probably because his spine is getting worse as he gets older.

Long-term, spinal issues probably mean surgery which is another added expense for you, plus potentially life-long painkillers and supplements.

Honestly, I think you've (unintentionally) taken on more than you can cope with and so I would seriously consider either returning the dog to rescue or having him PTS. A dog with incontinence and spinal issues will not be happy - imagine being in so much pain/so deformed that you have no choice but to toilet in your bed and lie in it? It's no life, really.

If your existing vet has not offered you a way forward (it sounds like they haven't) then I'd find a different vet and ask for an appointment to dicuss all the issues and get a 2nd opinion on possible causes for the incontinence. It's disappointing if your current vet has simple said 'this breed is hard to toilet train' for 4 year old dog whose incontinence is new/getting worse.

That extra information can help you decide what might be best for you all, which may be PTS, rehoming or medication.

Thank you so much for all your replies. It has really given me perspective. I don’t want to rehome this dog. He is our responsibility. He has allergies and a bone condition, he is reactive with dogs and people, he is unpredictable so always on a lead. In my view he isn’t rehomable. After him we are absolutely not getting another dog. When we got him my eldest was 6. Now we have another toddler who we didn’t know would also be disabled so circumstances have changed.
the dog couldn’t get up stairs until he was 8 months old and vet felt there was neurological damage. It’s common for frenchies to have an uneven gait and be ‘skippy’ at the back so this may be why vet was not overly concerned.
the increase in this behaviour and his maturity may be a factor as back issues in frenchies get worse with age.
when I watch him he doesnt get much warning so I think it does take him by surprise which may be lack of brain signalling. He also sees like a girl dog so may be discomfort or lack of coordination at the back. He also moves a lot when pooing which can be a sign of discomfort.
he is super energetic and fit and sprints around a lot so get may also have thought he was not in pain. He also likes being picked up and held.
I need to go back to them and push for a look at back and neurology.
I don’t want him to suffer.
I need to plan the vets as he actually drew blood from two of them last time and actually flies through the air at them so taking him to the vet it’s difficult because they can’t get their hands on him at all.
if he needs to be ptsd I will do it as I have done before but at his age I think it will rip our hearts out.

Please please do not put this poor creature to sleep! Rehome - I am aghast how quickly people tell you to put the poor dog to sleep! ! - please do not get another dog it sounds as if you already have your hands full - and your home life is not suitable for a pet - especially one with medical issues

Op I am a dog lover and have always had dogs. The kindest thing you can do for this dog and the whole family is to put him to sleep. Rehiring won't be possible. The dog won't know a thing about it he will drift off to sleep and be at peace. I'm having the same quandary with my dog. Ow who has developed severe anxiety. I would never send him away but I am starting to realise the kindest thing for us to do is pts as every day is a struggle for him.

Interesting how many people are suggesting rehoming.

Does anyone want an incontinent Frenchie who is reactive to dogs, people, vets & wants to be cuddled all day but doesn’t give warning when about to void its bowels?

anyone….?

poor dog, PTS would be a kindness.

I feel sorry for those dogs. They need to stop being bred. Someone would likely take him on just for the sake of having a french bulldog, but i dont think its any life for him

How many people do you think will be willing to take on an incontinent dog that will be uninsurable for its numerous medical issues . No dog wants to lay in its own excrement and the fact that this dog does so indicates quite an issue

Look up HHHHHMM. It's a quality of life index for dogs. A lot of what you have described are indicators of poor quality of life. I found this very helpful when my old dog was declining.

What is a reputable rescue? Any dog will be at the mercy of whomever runs the rescue... just look at their pages, to many dogs with issues that require a specialist home.

Have a look at pupcakes on Facebook who specialises in complex behaviour and bite history's.

Putting aside the fact of all the laundry and work, putting aside the cost of veterinary treatment, putting aside the strain of caring for your children - this dog is not well or happy and I don’t think ever can be.
I’m sorry but I think you have to pts.
Not because it creates too much laundry because you wouldn’t do it for that reason , but because it is degenerating, reactive, suffering and cannot possibly recover.
I'm sorry.