Present absence

[ProudCat]

This is difficult to explain but I had to let go of my boy on Tuesday night. It was expected. He was 15.

Thing is, he was a town dog, a little bundle of feisty joy, and he was always out and about with me. This means that I feel like I'm drowning in raw memories. He's everywhere. The whole place was his stamping ground. I can't look at anything without seeing him there and it's so painful. All I can do is try and block some of it out. And it's a bit weird because I've had many pets over the years, including another dog who lived until he was 19 and two cats who similarly lived until they were 19, but I've never felt like this before.

I don't really understand what's going on. He's not here but he is here all at the same time and it's just confusing me, like it's so constant that I can't really get out from under it.

We buried him in the back garden and that's some comfort.

We had to let our last dog go in January. It’s still very soon for you and give it time. Soon the sadness will be replaced with the fond memories. I still look at her spot on the sofa, and she slept with me so I miss her there, but I know her last few weeks were very painful and it was her time. You gave your dog the best life so hold on to that.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your boy. Your feelings are testament to your strong bond with him. I lost my boy cat over 2 years ago and it absolutely crushed me. We had such a strong bond, he was my little soul mate. I’ve had cats all my life and never felt loss like it. We got our Lab shortly after he died which, for us, helped bring a bit of joy back into our lives. Please don’t try and block it out, experience what you need to and the grief will gradually ease. Everyone is different but remembering him with pictures and talking about him (which was really hard at first) really helped me. Take care of yourself xx

I’m so sorry. You don’t need to explain, we know.

Yes, the loss of that constant physical presence can be very tough. And the sound of the paws, the tinkle of the name tags, the flap of the ears…
In time the grief moderates and becomes bittersweet and eventually softens. We can now walk in places our dogs loved and smile at the “do you remember when…” anecdotes.

Do tell us about your dear dog if you want to.

Im so sorry OP.

We also lost our 14 year old cat on Tuesday, same day as you. I’m still crying.

I know exactly what you mean. I can’t look anywhere, I expect to see and hear him constantly. Every room feels weird, and all of my routines feel wrong.

My condolences, I’m right there with you and it’s awful.

Thank you. I just sort of somehow needed to say it out loud.

I'm so sorry for you too. It's like being wrenched out of reality. And yes, it's this constant strange expectation and then realisation over and over again.

I hope you get some peace over the weekend.