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The doghouse

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Original poster

first family dog

33 replies

countrylifeorcitylife · 09/08/2026 08:12

Hoping to get some advice about what dog to get for our young family. Our kids are 2 and 4 but we’re looking to get a dog in about a year and a half/ two years but want to find a trusted breeder and know some lists are very long.

I want a cocker spaniel, I like their size and their look and I think they’d fit in well

my husband wants a lab ( red fox lab ) but I’m not sure, they’re so big!

We’re a very active family so the dog would need to be able to run long distances.

any advice/ other breeds welcome. Unfortunately can’t get a rescue as the kids are so young. I’m a SAHM so have time to train/ walk. The dog wouldn’t be left alone for more than a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Svelty · 09/08/2026 08:31

Hopefully someone will be along with breed specific advice but to me the main thing is to be very prepared for the amount of work you have to put in with puppies and adolescent dogs. Puppy training class always a good basis for this but you need to be on it constantly. If you put the work into training you will end up with a delightful adult but it is hard work and significant commitment, especially with young children as well. With small children I wouldn’t want anything too big and bouncy. It takes them a while to learn personal space. Children should be involved in the training as much as possible and also be taught to respect the dog’s space.

Cuppachuchu · 09/08/2026 08:35

Having a puppy is like having another toddler with all the time and attention they need.
Puppy blues/regret is real. Be very, very sure about it as you will be the one doing all the work, guaranteed.

PatioDwellers · 09/08/2026 08:36

Labradors are really good family dogs. But you have to be careful not to over walk them when young. Also puppies are effing hard work and adolescent dogs are too…. But it’s sort it.

Svelty · 09/08/2026 08:38

I should say we got a gentle rescued greyhound when dd was 4 and added a rescued whippet/staffy puppy when she was six. The whippet/staff has been particularly fantastic with dd. Ddog is now 13 and I would clone her if I could although she did chew the house up when a pup.

BigWig78 · 09/08/2026 08:39

Honestly I’d wait another few years if possible. My grandkids are 7 and 5 and only just able to manage the rules around a calm pup and even then there have already been a few incidents when the 7 year old hasn’t followed the rules and been hurt plus the pup who is now 6/7 months is always overstimulated by the time they leave. It’s not really fair imo to have such young children and a puppy together all the time as the pup really does take a lot of work and if you don’t manage it you’ll get a lot of behaviours that will be hard to stop once started. I’d wait until your youngest is at school tbh.
Also cocker spaniels are mental. Most spaniels are! You need a calmer breed with young children.

Lonelylonelylonely · 09/08/2026 08:45

Even with very young children you don't need to rule out rescue. We had our first rescue (a whippet) when ds2 was just 18 months old and ds1 was 4. Within a year we'd got 2 rescue whippets. The first was from an RSPCA kennel, the second from Dogs Trust, so not even small charities.

I'm not recommending whippets for your family, but what I am saying is that a decent rescue will re-home based on their assessment of the dog and your family and won't just do a blanket ban. My current dog (a failed foster) was from an excellent breed specific rescue that I've fostered and carried out home checks for for years.

A calm adult dog might also be better with younger children as the puppy and especially adolescent phase can be fairly ruthless with nippy landshark teeth.

Another tip, ensure your children are actively involved in training your dog and ensure the dog learns to listen to them just as much as it would listen to an adult. By involving them in training it will teach them correct behaviour around the dog and mutual respect.

Original poster
countrylifeorcitylife · 09/08/2026 08:48

Thanks for the advice! The youngest is going to school in 2 years so that won’t be a problem

OP posts:
Original poster
countrylifeorcitylife · 09/08/2026 08:48

Thanks for the advice! The youngest is going to school in 2 years so that won’t be a problem

OP posts:
Original poster
countrylifeorcitylife · 09/08/2026 08:48

Thanks for the advice! The youngest is going to school in 2 years so that won’t be a problem

OP posts:
Daisydoesnt · 09/08/2026 08:48

BigWig78 · 09/08/2026 08:39

Honestly I’d wait another few years if possible. My grandkids are 7 and 5 and only just able to manage the rules around a calm pup and even then there have already been a few incidents when the 7 year old hasn’t followed the rules and been hurt plus the pup who is now 6/7 months is always overstimulated by the time they leave. It’s not really fair imo to have such young children and a puppy together all the time as the pup really does take a lot of work and if you don’t manage it you’ll get a lot of behaviours that will be hard to stop once started. I’d wait until your youngest is at school tbh.
Also cocker spaniels are mental. Most spaniels are! You need a calmer breed with young children.

All this is great advice!

really, 4 and 6 are too young - IMO - to understand and have the impulse control to live with a puppy/ young dog.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 09/08/2026 08:50

It's great your mindful of getting from a good breeder, but I'm going to be the party pooper here; a good breeder will not sell to you in even 2 years with children that young, regardles sof whether your child is at school or not.

Lots of good breeders are becoming increasingly wary about selling dogs to families with young children because even if someone is home alone all day that doesn't stop the main issue; children harassing/bothering the dog and parents not acting quickly enough to prevent disaster. If a rescue won't give you a dog because your kids are too young, chances are a good breeder won't either. And obviously not getting from a good breeder opens up a whole can of worms...

Most of my local breed club have 8 as the minimum age, many are moving towards 10 (which I what I, personally, consider appropriate) given how many bites and attacks happen on children in family homes.

Nearly 70% of all dog attacks happen in the family home and nearly 80% of bites on children are from dogs they know. Why? Because children and dogs do not mix.

But, if you do want to plow ahead...

Labs are great dogs. 'Red fox' is just what the puppy farmers call it though to drive sales and sell defective dogs based on their colour (like 'sable' Cocker Spaniels a few years ago). 'Red Fox' falls under 'yellow' in terms of breed standard. More importantly those darker labs are usually for 'working' lines which is a very very different dog to the labs you are imagining. The working line labs I know are more akin to GSDs in term of drive and intellect than they are to show line labs. Not really suitable for families with your children or novice owners - if you don't work them, they'll work you.

Cockers are lovely, but they are incredibly sensitive. They're prone to a lot of behavioural issues if from a poor breeder (back to my point above) and given their sensitivity can be challenging with young children. Some idiot will come along in a moment and say 'oh cocker rage.' 'Cocker rage' is what bad owners call bog-standard behavioural issue. Chances are if someone is saying their cocker has rage, they're just an incompetent idiot who shouldn't have a goldfish let alone a dog. All behavioural issues have some sort of trigger and cockers are prone to lots because they are sensitive and require gentle handling.

It's not just about size when buying a dog. It's about temperament as well. Some of the best known 'family' friendly breeds aren't necessarily the 'best' ones to have with young kids.

With all dog breeds, but particularly those prone to joint issues, you shouldn't be running it until it's fully developed. For cockers that will be about 2 years old, for labs closer to 3. Doing so can cause life-long, life-limiting joint conditions that will be entirely your fault.

And not leaving a dog alone for a few hours is fine. But what about a puppy? Realistically you cannot leave them for more than a few minutes at a time for the first few weeks and you have to build it up gradually. If you were to get a cocker and you were leaving it for a few hours at a time from a few months old, it's probably only going to end up one way; with separation anxiety.

I also disagree about involving children in training. Young children and training dogs do not mix. Children do not have the necessary motivation, body language and 'tone' to train a puppy. You can involve them as much as you want, but chances are they'll probably undo the good work you've put in by turning it into some sort of game and exciting your puppy. And if you want a high-energy breed, your dog needs to be trained well. Neither of my DDs have been involved in any of the training of my dogs, except my youngest (but DDs now much much older), and yet all my dogs listen to them and have for years. Why? Because I trained my dogs well.

The best training class is one you don't attend. Most of them involve sitting around for 45 minutes and actually only doing things for 15 minutes (at max). It's a bad environment for a puppy as it's overstimulating and your puppy gets to see other dogs ignoring their owners commands. Better to do 1-2-1 training with a professional (or indeed if you know what you're doing, do it yourself) to avoid those situations. It's also a big cause of dogs learning bad behaviours and can cause early nervousness issues (lots of manic puppies in an enclosed space is just a bad idea).

If you do really want a dog, please consider a poodle. I love labs and cockers. I consider labs great for people with kids, but just not kids that young. And given good breeders will have wait lists, can afford to be fussy, and will likely swerve you with two children so young, you're going to end up buying from someone who is not a good breeder and will thus not breed robust, healthy, dogs, and as a result everything will be much harder than it needs to be 😊

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 09/08/2026 08:51

Would you consider a whippet? Sighthounds are such easy breeds to have in the house and active when you need them to be

Lonelylonelylonely · 09/08/2026 08:55

I personally would put your name down with a breed specific rescue and get home checked. They will assess your home environment and your needs. You will probably have quite a long wait for a dog to come in that will meet your needs with young children, but they do come in. As I say, a calm adult dog whose temperament is known and has been assessed is probably a better fit than a pup or adolescent.

Don't pick the breed based on looks, read up on breed traits.

Read up on raising children with dogs too and look into crate training.

Lonelylonelylonely · 09/08/2026 09:03

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 09/08/2026 08:50

It's great your mindful of getting from a good breeder, but I'm going to be the party pooper here; a good breeder will not sell to you in even 2 years with children that young, regardles sof whether your child is at school or not.

Lots of good breeders are becoming increasingly wary about selling dogs to families with young children because even if someone is home alone all day that doesn't stop the main issue; children harassing/bothering the dog and parents not acting quickly enough to prevent disaster. If a rescue won't give you a dog because your kids are too young, chances are a good breeder won't either. And obviously not getting from a good breeder opens up a whole can of worms...

Most of my local breed club have 8 as the minimum age, many are moving towards 10 (which I what I, personally, consider appropriate) given how many bites and attacks happen on children in family homes.

Nearly 70% of all dog attacks happen in the family home and nearly 80% of bites on children are from dogs they know. Why? Because children and dogs do not mix.

But, if you do want to plow ahead...

Labs are great dogs. 'Red fox' is just what the puppy farmers call it though to drive sales and sell defective dogs based on their colour (like 'sable' Cocker Spaniels a few years ago). 'Red Fox' falls under 'yellow' in terms of breed standard. More importantly those darker labs are usually for 'working' lines which is a very very different dog to the labs you are imagining. The working line labs I know are more akin to GSDs in term of drive and intellect than they are to show line labs. Not really suitable for families with your children or novice owners - if you don't work them, they'll work you.

Cockers are lovely, but they are incredibly sensitive. They're prone to a lot of behavioural issues if from a poor breeder (back to my point above) and given their sensitivity can be challenging with young children. Some idiot will come along in a moment and say 'oh cocker rage.' 'Cocker rage' is what bad owners call bog-standard behavioural issue. Chances are if someone is saying their cocker has rage, they're just an incompetent idiot who shouldn't have a goldfish let alone a dog. All behavioural issues have some sort of trigger and cockers are prone to lots because they are sensitive and require gentle handling.

It's not just about size when buying a dog. It's about temperament as well. Some of the best known 'family' friendly breeds aren't necessarily the 'best' ones to have with young kids.

With all dog breeds, but particularly those prone to joint issues, you shouldn't be running it until it's fully developed. For cockers that will be about 2 years old, for labs closer to 3. Doing so can cause life-long, life-limiting joint conditions that will be entirely your fault.

And not leaving a dog alone for a few hours is fine. But what about a puppy? Realistically you cannot leave them for more than a few minutes at a time for the first few weeks and you have to build it up gradually. If you were to get a cocker and you were leaving it for a few hours at a time from a few months old, it's probably only going to end up one way; with separation anxiety.

I also disagree about involving children in training. Young children and training dogs do not mix. Children do not have the necessary motivation, body language and 'tone' to train a puppy. You can involve them as much as you want, but chances are they'll probably undo the good work you've put in by turning it into some sort of game and exciting your puppy. And if you want a high-energy breed, your dog needs to be trained well. Neither of my DDs have been involved in any of the training of my dogs, except my youngest (but DDs now much much older), and yet all my dogs listen to them and have for years. Why? Because I trained my dogs well.

The best training class is one you don't attend. Most of them involve sitting around for 45 minutes and actually only doing things for 15 minutes (at max). It's a bad environment for a puppy as it's overstimulating and your puppy gets to see other dogs ignoring their owners commands. Better to do 1-2-1 training with a professional (or indeed if you know what you're doing, do it yourself) to avoid those situations. It's also a big cause of dogs learning bad behaviours and can cause early nervousness issues (lots of manic puppies in an enclosed space is just a bad idea).

If you do really want a dog, please consider a poodle. I love labs and cockers. I consider labs great for people with kids, but just not kids that young. And given good breeders will have wait lists, can afford to be fussy, and will likely swerve you with two children so young, you're going to end up buying from someone who is not a good breeder and will thus not breed robust, healthy, dogs, and as a result everything will be much harder than it needs to be 😊

We worked on training both the children and the dogs. Children need to be taught how to behave appropriately around dogs. One thing I can not stand is people who allow their children to treat the dog like a toy.

Hellohelga · 09/08/2026 09:08

Fox red labs all seem to come from working lines and are at the more highly strung end of the spectrum. A yellow show lab would be much more mellow.

Svelty · 09/08/2026 09:14

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 09/08/2026 08:50

It's great your mindful of getting from a good breeder, but I'm going to be the party pooper here; a good breeder will not sell to you in even 2 years with children that young, regardles sof whether your child is at school or not.

Lots of good breeders are becoming increasingly wary about selling dogs to families with young children because even if someone is home alone all day that doesn't stop the main issue; children harassing/bothering the dog and parents not acting quickly enough to prevent disaster. If a rescue won't give you a dog because your kids are too young, chances are a good breeder won't either. And obviously not getting from a good breeder opens up a whole can of worms...

Most of my local breed club have 8 as the minimum age, many are moving towards 10 (which I what I, personally, consider appropriate) given how many bites and attacks happen on children in family homes.

Nearly 70% of all dog attacks happen in the family home and nearly 80% of bites on children are from dogs they know. Why? Because children and dogs do not mix.

But, if you do want to plow ahead...

Labs are great dogs. 'Red fox' is just what the puppy farmers call it though to drive sales and sell defective dogs based on their colour (like 'sable' Cocker Spaniels a few years ago). 'Red Fox' falls under 'yellow' in terms of breed standard. More importantly those darker labs are usually for 'working' lines which is a very very different dog to the labs you are imagining. The working line labs I know are more akin to GSDs in term of drive and intellect than they are to show line labs. Not really suitable for families with your children or novice owners - if you don't work them, they'll work you.

Cockers are lovely, but they are incredibly sensitive. They're prone to a lot of behavioural issues if from a poor breeder (back to my point above) and given their sensitivity can be challenging with young children. Some idiot will come along in a moment and say 'oh cocker rage.' 'Cocker rage' is what bad owners call bog-standard behavioural issue. Chances are if someone is saying their cocker has rage, they're just an incompetent idiot who shouldn't have a goldfish let alone a dog. All behavioural issues have some sort of trigger and cockers are prone to lots because they are sensitive and require gentle handling.

It's not just about size when buying a dog. It's about temperament as well. Some of the best known 'family' friendly breeds aren't necessarily the 'best' ones to have with young kids.

With all dog breeds, but particularly those prone to joint issues, you shouldn't be running it until it's fully developed. For cockers that will be about 2 years old, for labs closer to 3. Doing so can cause life-long, life-limiting joint conditions that will be entirely your fault.

And not leaving a dog alone for a few hours is fine. But what about a puppy? Realistically you cannot leave them for more than a few minutes at a time for the first few weeks and you have to build it up gradually. If you were to get a cocker and you were leaving it for a few hours at a time from a few months old, it's probably only going to end up one way; with separation anxiety.

I also disagree about involving children in training. Young children and training dogs do not mix. Children do not have the necessary motivation, body language and 'tone' to train a puppy. You can involve them as much as you want, but chances are they'll probably undo the good work you've put in by turning it into some sort of game and exciting your puppy. And if you want a high-energy breed, your dog needs to be trained well. Neither of my DDs have been involved in any of the training of my dogs, except my youngest (but DDs now much much older), and yet all my dogs listen to them and have for years. Why? Because I trained my dogs well.

The best training class is one you don't attend. Most of them involve sitting around for 45 minutes and actually only doing things for 15 minutes (at max). It's a bad environment for a puppy as it's overstimulating and your puppy gets to see other dogs ignoring their owners commands. Better to do 1-2-1 training with a professional (or indeed if you know what you're doing, do it yourself) to avoid those situations. It's also a big cause of dogs learning bad behaviours and can cause early nervousness issues (lots of manic puppies in an enclosed space is just a bad idea).

If you do really want a dog, please consider a poodle. I love labs and cockers. I consider labs great for people with kids, but just not kids that young. And given good breeders will have wait lists, can afford to be fussy, and will likely swerve you with two children so young, you're going to end up buying from someone who is not a good breeder and will thus not breed robust, healthy, dogs, and as a result everything will be much harder than it needs to be 😊

We were advised by the rescue to involve dd. I mean only in a very basic fashion she was not actually training the dog obviously. But they told us to let her give the dog a treat once the dog has sat or whatever. And she was able to have impulse control and understand dog’s own space. All children are going to be different there so as a general rule I do agree, the older the better.

Justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushould · 09/08/2026 09:18

I'd echo those saying not to rule out rescues. I adopted my first dog when DCs were 1.5 and 3. I got a five year old JRT, excellent temperament, playful - great fun without the crazy puppy/adolescent behaviour. I've adopted two other adult dogs and both have been fantastic around babies and children.

Svelty · 09/08/2026 09:24

I took our most recent pup to Dogs Trust training class. It was a very small class in a very large space with barriers between the participants so pups couldn’t really see other pups during the class and there was only some brief and controlled sniffing interaction allowed at the end. I found it useful to learn some new things and there was continued support afterwards so you could e mail and ask questions.

Stilettosandbrokenb0ttles · 09/08/2026 09:42

Spaniels have my heart, I've had a few working cockers/springers and I dont think they are that sensitive. My lurcher (mostly greyhound) is a sensitive queen though and certainly not active 🤣 Although I appreciate maybe show cockers are different.

For an active family a working cocker spaniel has been a great fit for us. We get out loads and hes happy wherever, the woods, the beach, he comes running with me. DD is almost 5 and they love playing together, they have matching energy! IME they are sunny, friendly dogs who love life AS LONG AS they arent cooped up hours on end. He is big dog energy in a small dog package, meaning lots of fun but I can still pick him up to give him a bath, for the vet etc which was important to me. Labs are heavy!

NewPoodleMum · 09/08/2026 10:01

Having recently got a toy poodle puppy (best decision I’ve ever made!) I can confirm that the first question the breeder asked me was did I have small children, and it was a big no if I did.

My puppy is so child-friendly and adores small children and makes a bee-line for them in the park, but a 1-minute pat is enough.

He is very gentle but a small child could accidentally hurt him quite easily because he is small and easy to pick up, even for a toddler.
This was one of my breeder’s main concerns, as well as a puppy accidentally hurting a child.

If you are considering a poodle they are brilliant dogs, although I think a miniature (bigger than a toy) would be a better fit than a toy.

My puppy needs one good walk at lunchtime, but wouldn’t thank you for a morning or evening walk- I’ve tried and always end up carrying him home 😆
Crate training has been fantastic for him and I have very slowly worked on separation anxiety- he is much better now but it has been a v gradual process.

As a first-time dog owner, puppy classes have been very helpful- we are now working to n our Silver KC good citizen award and we are both enjoying it, although I found the Bronze test more stressful than my uni finals (he aced the test)!

Anyway, as you can probably tell I can talk about him all day, but TLDR definitely consider a poodle but make sure you get the right size for your family and lifestyle, not just the cutest puppy.

HappiestSleeping · 09/08/2026 10:01

I agree with @TheHungryHungryLandsharks about a decent breeder having a waiting list.

In my experience cockers are probably not suitable as they will take a lot of effort which may not be compatible with a young family. A labrador is a better bet IMHO. I would avoid fox red as they are often neurotic (I've heard because of the way the red is bred in - although not sure it is true).

Much more important is the genetics. The bloodline will make a huge difference to temperament, so the breeder becomes the most important aspect.

Nowthatshuge · 09/08/2026 10:05

Ah just do it whenever you want, dogs and kids are great together, mine have never known not having a dog, they’re so great for comfort.
Presume you’ve done some research on cockers and labs? Both good family dogs, I’d say make sure you don’t get a working cocker as they can be too much for a family home (I speak from 2 of my friends experience) and labs are quite prone to hip / joint issues so you run a risk of having a dog that you can run a lot, a good breeder will provide hip scores etc but can’t rule it out I don’t think.

Thislittlekitten · 09/08/2026 10:09

@countrylifeorcitylife I have a friend with young children and a spaniel and they mix really well. Lots of walks needed though and firm
rules.

I came to say I have a golden retriever and I’ll admit he is big but he is the gentlest soul. We picked his breed because we have children and two cats and my cats are non negotiable.

He has been fantastic and has a strong bond with one of the cats! Living with them he ignores cats outside and rabbits. He loves children. When our children’s friends come round he’s with them as one of the gang.

timtamsarebetterthanpenguins · 09/08/2026 10:15

I find that MN is weirdly negative about owning puppies - yes, they're hard work and need a lot of time and attention, but it's really not the massive disaster that people seem to imply that it is.

When it comes to breed, I would look long-term. Do you want a big or small dog? Can you commit to brushing and grooming or do you want a dog that's fairly low-maintenance? How much exercise can you realistically manage everyday and how long will the dog eventually be left alone? The answers to all those things will help you decide what breeds to consider.

We have a beagle and while they have a bit of a bad reputation on here, they are fantastic family dogs. He's friendly, great with children and the elderly - has no need to go to the groomers and don't need hours of exercise. The only issue is that he doesn't like being left alone, though some are fine.

Good luck, puppies and dogs are a great addition to the family.

Tel12 · 09/08/2026 10:17

Although you're a sahm now, a dog is a 15 year commitment. Have you plans for a change in circumstances?