Struggling with idea of putting my dog down who snaps.

[Buxtonwater124]

I have a chihuahua/Jack Russell type dog that is known to snap. He's 10 and over the years, he's bitten my nieces and nephews face, my brother's face, other dogs in house. We did go to put him down after this but as he was a family dog, my dad disagreed and so did others saying "just keep him away from kids" which we did. It all came to a head last summer when my older nephew rang me (as I had moved out of my dads, but still owned him) saying he's snapping and he needs to go. So I booked him in to be put down, as hard as it was. My partner then stepped in and said no, we will take him in, we have no kids and no one in the house respects the dogs boundaries or listens to train him, which is true. People don't listen with him, and stroke him for example on his stomach which he hates. Over the years we have paid probably thousands on training, on muzzles etc. But because he wasn't in my house at the time, no one in the house implemented the training.

So we took him. Since then, we have kept a strict routine with him and the dog has settled in so well. I'm able to pick him up, walk him well etc. cuddle him and when we have visitors we keep him away. However in last few weeks, I've seen him snap at my friend, who bent down to stroke him in the area we kept him away, he's snapped at our other dog (who he grew up with) and last night I seen him bite my cat on his face.

My cat, has been having abcesseses on his face since we got the dog, and it hit me. Maybe the dog has been biting the cat. I'm heartbroken. I'm in tears writing this. I love the dog so much and he's such a good dog for me. But I know I need to put him down. It isn't safe. But my partner disagrees and says just keep him separate. Here's the hard part, I'm due to have a baby soon and my family keep saying you can't risk the dog around the baby but I just keep saying I'll keep them apart. But after seeing him bite the cat yesterday, I'm devastated it was a lightbulb moment he isn't safe. But its a hard decision to bare on my own and would like my partner to agree. As he's our dog now. He's a sweet dog and I'm looking at him now and feel heartbroken taking a healthy dog to be PTS. My partner is concerned for my mental health losing a dog I've had for years and then having a baby he is worried ill struggle a lot as he knows how precious my dogs are to me. He agrees if he was an XL Bully I would've put him down earlier but also believes that keeping him separatenwith visitors baby is best option as the dog is fine with me and him.

Any support appreciated - please be kind. Seeing it all in writing it is so obvious what I need to do. But im struggling with the mental load of it

• [Note from MNHQ: Please see the OP's update at 16.06 on 20/5 before responding]

You need to reconsider your thinking.. He isn't a healthy ddog. Not mentally anyway..
And I say that as a ddog owner who also pts her ddog after she attacked.. Likely due a brain tumour post cancer survival which is common... There are worse things than being put down. Sounds like he's carried a lot of stress for a very long time. He is at peace now.

My cat, has been having abcesseses on his face since we got the dog, and it hit me. Maybe the dog has been biting the cat

I can't get over this. A vet would of been able to tell you absesses were being caused by bites. Your poor cat must be in agony frequently 😭

My cat was bitten in the face by my other cat, it turned into an absess and he ended up needing it drained under sedation and then antibiotics on top.

Remove both your pets you sound like a terrible pet owner. That poor poor cat, doesn't sound like you've taken it to the vets or got it treatment for it's absesses.

I am so sorry to read this it is obvious you love the dog and have done all you can. I don’t have kids but had a dog previously that showed unpredictable aggression occasionally to my other dog. It was so so stressful keeping them apart. But I did for a couple of years, when one died that was the end of the story. I cannot imagine living in any way unstressed trying to manage a dog that bites humans, and especially with a baby about to arrive.

It may sound heartless but there are worse things for a dog than being sent to sleep. With dogs this is usually a gentle, peaceful, and quick process. The dog will be unaware. You can be there. You will of course be sad for a while and not forget, but actually you will have done the right thing, including for your little dog. And the relief you will also feel at not having to be on high alert all the time will be worth the immediate pain and grief.

My cat has actually been under the vets and a vet hospital. We specifically asked the vet does it look like a dog bite as I explained to them it's been since we got the dog. The vet (actually 2, the local vet and the vet hospital) both said no, they believe it is a skin allergy and his scratching has caused it. My cat is currently going to see a determatologist on Monday, after being under general medicine since November. We have spent 1000s in insurance claims on him over the years as he's a pure breed and typical has 100 problems.

As I said, I was reassured they were not dog bites but when I saw him snap yesterday it made me think maybe has it been him all along. Hence why I now am PTS the dog with that being the final straw.

I don't even know why I am replying to you, as I know I'm a great owner who loves her pets more than life itself, hence my partner even worrying about the mental toll of me doing this. Someone who is a terrible owner doesn't insure their pets, doesn't pay 1000s on training. The only thing that I think has made me terrible is struggling to take responsibility to PTS. But that's from the love I have for him.

No because then he will bite a child out in the world. For goodness sake please dog owners think of the rest of us.

I tried to explain this to my partner, who I'm tempted to show this thread to but I think I'll be on such a high alert when baby is here that I will become stressed and I did say this to him. I'll feel on egg shells. He hasn't said not to specifically do it, he just said he can't agree to it and said it's not right time. But I disagree. Maybe he secretly loves the dog more than he lets on 😅
I am under constant stress in the house. Sometimes you need outsiders views on it as I worry am I being dramatic, is it wrong, is it right, but I know it is right just doubted myself and struggling to come to terms with it.

It's hard as I shouldn't care on what people think but I'm beating myself up saying to myself oh typical baby on way, get rid of dog. And it's not as simple as that. Maybe I need some self compassion as if someone else was in my shoes I would be saying same as everyone else.

It is a horrible decision to make, but the right one.
I’m sorry it has to happen.
I have had to have an unpredictably aggressive dog PTS and it was heartbreaking, but it was the right thing to do.

I rehomed a biter with an elderly lady who just wanted company, she had a massive garden and a dog walker every day for him , they spent all their time together , she worked for 3 hours a day twice a week and the rest of the time they were together , he slept on her bed, had visitors a couple of times a week and kept them apart . There could be someone out there who will be perfect for him. I currently have a snappy dog and keeep her away from visitors as she cant be trusted , it works fine

Much kinder to put a dog to sleep than make it miserable by forcing it to be more & more isolated (which you’d have to do for safety)
It’s quite possible the dog may turn on you too once he isn’t your number one priority.

Don't beat yourself up over making a decision for the right reasons. As the old saying goes “better a day too early than a day too late”

Op I don't think you have a choice.
You know if that dog bites or scratches your baby you will never forgive yourself for not taking action.
And you'll struggle to forgive your DP for stopping you.

But think of the poor cat too can't be nice being bitten on areas that are already painful

You know that putting the dog to sleep is the right thing to do. Your DH is being very unsupportive. He should be reassuring you. Once your baby is here, you’ll be really glad this was all sorted beforehand. You won’t have the time or energy to keep an eye on a snappy dog. Let your sister take the dog and get it pts. Then you can relax knowing your baby is coming home to a safe environment.

Kindly, if your partner can't or won't be supportive about putting the dog to sleep then tough. It's your dog. You don't need loads of other opinions.

Trust me when i say becoming a parent is the time to learn to do what you know is right even when you can't get the total agreement of others around you.

It's fine to not want to be there when it happens. Your DS can take him and you know she'll stay with him.

About rehoming - i think it's very wrong to rehome biters. Apart from just passing on the risk the chances of you finding a situation with the perfect set of circumstances is so low. Horrible for him to live out his days in a rehoming centre.

OP, your family failed him when he was younger by not respecting his boundaries. You’ve taken him in and given him the chance to lead a better life with you, and he has done.
The biting behaviour is ingrained though, you won’t be able to train it out of him, and there’s only so much you can do to keep him separate from everyone else because dogs like company. He can’t be separate all of the time.
He’s 10 now, that’s not an unreasonable life for a small dog. Part of being a responsible dog owner is making tough decisions for the best interest of your dog. Of course it’s understandable that you don’t want to let him go, wouldn’t we all want our dogs with us forever! But isn’t it better that he goes now, while he’s having good days, and you can be with him, and he feel loved? Surely better this way, than after the baby arrives, and he’s distressed by the baby crying a lot, and has lashed out, and perhaps has been removed from you.
There’s no doubt that you love him and have done the best for him until now, but this one last decision will give him the best possible end and you can always remember him with happiness, not with regret.

Your partner is totally irresponsible , you cannot bring a baby into the house with a dog that bites . Ignore him and put your child first .

It is a hard decision but the right one. The dog must be kept separate from just about everyone (biting other people, pets is just a red flag) but what kind of like is that for the dog? The dog will know there is a change and get even more stressed.

Also as your child grows how is this going to work , how can you keep them separate? Put ye dog in a crate, locks on doors.

let the dog go now and pts. Hard decision but one to learn from.

Totally agree. I don't think it's right either.
Its not fair to the dog to be moved from the people he knows either, especially not for a elderly animal

If this helps my friend was in very similar position, a snappy dog and pregnant. She decided to rehome to an older lady. They kept in touch and the dog attacked someone badly, that it had to be put down. She is so grateful that she made that decision as the outcome could have been fatal if it was the baby.

You can’t keep him. For the cats sake, never mind the baby when it arrives. Is there anyone you know who could offer him a suitable home?

Would it help to consider what the dogs life will actually look like being separated from the baby. I think your underestimating how consuming caring for a baby is (most people do before becoming parents). The baby will need to be in the same room as you 24/7 for at least 6 months, which means the dog cannot be in that room. No more snuggling on the sofa, he'll be isolated in another room most of the time. One of you could go into the dogs room for an hour here and there, but there just isn't enough hours in the day to give both the baby and the dog everything they need separately.

You'd be taking on a massive risk to your baby, for very little return, as the dogs life will be awful. If you really cannot bring yourself to PTS, then the dog needs to live somewhere else, without children or other pets.

Your partner needs to be more mature and rational. He isn't helping you, when it is sadly so clear what the right thing to do is .

And even if dcat abscesses are not directly from bites, stress in cats often shows up as skin conditions so it probably is connected.

Your family let this dog down unfortunately, but the damage was done years ago. You tried your very best, you had a nice final few months with him, but now he needs to go to the place where he can't hurt anyone, and no-one will be angry with him 💐

This is a good thoughtful post

I spoke to my partner about it and read some responses on this thread. He is in agreement now it's just a sad sad situation. It's hard putting a healthy dog down. I mean after our chat, the dog sat in a cute position on his bed and we both teared up. We are going to give him a nice few days and probably arrange on Wednesday. My partner is adamant on taking him but I hate for my partner to just go and me not support him so I think we will both go. I'm actually worried it will send me into labour I have been crying none stop today. It's such a hard time when im currently cuddling him on the sofa. But then I've come back on here and it's true what each and everyone is saying.

I couldn't re-home him. I thought about different single adults in my family but all kids visit them and none of them would have the boundaries me and my partner have as they will be laid back about him.

The other dilemma is what to tell the rest of my family. My sister has said she won't tell anyone the real reason but my uncle is the type to say we just put him down for convinience or something and tell everyone else that. I want to lie and think I will.

I'm also worried about the vet judging me. But my sister has reassured me they won't and once I tell them the history they will be supportive. I mean it was only last year I drove this dog 2 hours away for an MRI as my family said he was acting strange - turns out he was just nervous at vets!

I agree I'm already stressed and on edge when people visit trying to keep my toddler niece away and having my family come and say "just let him out it's fine" but then seeing near misses and having to put him back. I was becoming overwhelmed at the thought of being post partum not thinking straight and worrying about anything happening and then being told " should've kept them apart" but from reading here it really isn't so easy with a baby.

Rehome him or ask the vet for anti anxiety type meds they work insanely well. It would be so unnecessary to put him to sleep