Hi everyone,
I’ve read many threads on here about the “puppy blues” but I’ve been hit so hard and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t wish to sound trite but I feel so horrendous that I really need some kind words and support, I can’t handle anything other at the moment. I feel awful at how I’m feeling and feel it’s a hell of my own making.
We have an 8 week border collie who we got on Saturday. We are only on day 3 and she’s doing ok so far. My children like her and are enjoying having her, but of course they go to bed as normal, get up and play with the puppy. They’re not experiencing the broken sleep or exhaustion (thank goodness, wouldn’t wish it on anyone!!)
My partner wanted the dog but asked me to wait until summer. I spotted a local breeder had some pups and basically bulldozed the situation and begged until he agreed we could get one now. I said I’d do all of the legwork. I feel so stupid and naive and incredibly guilty because it’s not the poor dog’s fault, but I am hating every minute.
I suffered very badly with PND with both of my children, felt suicidal and low for months on end, and this feels very similar to that. I’m not feeling suicidal but in a matter of days I have gone from feeling happy and excited to utterly bereft of all positive thoughts. I feel no joy when I think about her or see her, I had a panic attack last night and am really struggling with the lack of sleep (only had her two nights!). I sobbed at work today as I just didn’t want to come home. Home doesn’t feel like a happy place at the moment, and I feel like an absolute monster saying this, but I would honestly give her back in a heartbeat. I’ve been in the absolute trenches with my mental health before and it almost broke me. I just can’t do it again.
Has anyone been in this position before and made the decision to return the dog to the breeder? I’ve reached out to the breeder and explained I’m really struggling, and a work colleague who saw how upset I was today said a close family member is on the look-out for a collie pup, so there is that option potentially.
If someone were to come and collect her right now, I would feel instant relief as at the moment it feels like I have an iron weight around my neck. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus on work. My partner is pulling his weight for someone who strongly expressed that he wasn’t in a position to cope with a puppy right now, so it isn’t so much lack of support, more that I’m just not coping and can’t see a way out.
The additional worry I have is that I don’t want to break my children’s hearts as they are really happy with her, how on earth would I break it to them? What would I say? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I am on the edge at the moment and feel trapped and scared. The poor pup deserves better than this. I’ve read on other threads that people have hung in there and things have gradually got better. I’m not sure I’m able to do that without huge detriment to my mental wellbeing. I can’t be a good parent when I feel like this.
Any advice and support would be so welcome. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end.